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Moving Forward

Feeling sad/scared/lonley - some advice please...

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Moving Forward

So, it's been close to two months since i found out I have been "blessed" with the cute little thing called Herpes. Before i got this, i used to joke around about it...it turns out its not so funny anymore. A girl in my glass did a project on STDs and when she said the word Herpes my entire class laughed...when you don't have it...it is kind of a weird word....I, however, did not find the word so humorous.

I feel like my view on life has changed, like im looking throgh blurry lenses and i can't see straight. I have panic attacks from the stress. I feel like i am taking this harder than some people, but then again i have never met anyone else that i knew had this. What makes it harder is that to guy who gave this to me died three days before i found out i had it, from a heart condition. He was at a bar and just dropped to the floor...dead. this has also added to my stress. I know it was him becuase he was the only one i was with since i had been last tested. I went to his funeral on a monday, and that same monday i got the call.

I don't know what to do. I get so dizzy from the stressed out feeling and sometimes feel like i can't breath...though i can breath just fine...

Did anyone else react this way or in a similar way? I just want to get past this stage and accept myself the way i am...my boyfriend has...why can't i? :???:

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Ultra Violet

I wish I could give you a big hug! You poor thing. To find out you have herpes and lose a friend/former lover at the same time is really awful. It's no wonder you are stressed and experiencing high anxiety.

Have you got people you can talk to?

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speaktru

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend/exlover. You need to give yourself some time. Everyone accepts this new health status differently.... but in time things will get better. i have panic attacks myself so dont feel strange about that. i had one last week when i met a guy and he started to get close to me and i just panicked and bolted b/c all i could think about was my H. yea it does put a damper on life a bit but its about making it through. take one step at a time. if your current bf is okay with it thats awesome! thats one hurdle that you dont have to deal with. also, ppl can be insensitive about H, b/c they dont know. i have had a few encounters myself. but like someone else posted on here its up to us to educate the ones that make jokes and are insensitive. but i guess as this virus becomes more common i'm sure we will hear fewer jokes about it. remember at the end of the day your still you.... you havent changed you just have a new health challenge to overcome. some ppl have hypertension, heart murmurs, allergies, brain tumors, cancer, etc.. and we got suck w/ H. Life is unfair and very far from ideal.. but we have to cope. Things will get better! We are all here for you. Take care.

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gotitsowhat

Hello from a bad example

I feel like my view on life has changed, like im looking throgh blurry lenses and i can't see straight. I have panic attacks from the stress. I feel like i am taking this harder than some people, but then again i have never met anyone else that i knew had this. What makes it harder is that to guy who gave this to me died three days before i found out i had it, from a heart condition. He was at a bar and just dropped to the floor...dead. :

Here's what happened to me, in order:

First, I fell in love with a guy and had a ten year love affair with him that included many wonderful times.

Second, he got lung cancer and died after we'd had out ten years together.

I went through the whole 11 months of his illness and held his hand on his death bed as he said that he loved me.

Third, on the day he died, I found out that he'd been cheating on me and seeing a woman behind my back.

Fourth, I found out that two days before he'd died, he had sneaked off with this woman to the resort town where he and I used to spend our romantic weekends and married this woman (on my birthday).

Fifth, I found out that his bride of two days, now known as his widow, had decided to exclude me from his funeral. After all, I was the "other woman" now and she was the respectable widow. I did not go to the funeral. None of our mutual friends called to see how I was taking all of this. They are now known as my ex-friends.

Sixth, three months after my beloved lying snake cheater died, right around the time I had stopped crying on an hourly basis and started crying only once or twice a day, I noticed the symptoms and went to a doctor. I was diagnosed as having genital herpes. The blood test showed it was a recent infection and since I had not had sex with anyone but my cheating beloved for the 10 years I had been with him and several years before that....it was clear he had given it to me. Some phone calls and a little checking let me know that he knew he'd had it and had gotten it from the woman who became his respectable widow.

No, sometimes herpes is not really funny.

Kinda reminds me of an old saying: "Everything's funny. As long as it's not happening to you."

And, yeah, I had breathing trouble too, felt like asthma, came late at night, had to take tranquillizers for a while.

Of course my biggest breathing problem was deciding that I wanted to go on doing it. Sometimes breathing can seem like too much trouble.

Eventually, I did recover. But it took me about ten years. I was so devastated that I hid in my apartment and did not go out socially for over ten years. It took a catastropic disease (pancreatic blockage) and weeks hanging between life and death in a hospital to wake me up to the reality of how silly I was being. I will never hide from life again. It was a waste of my time.

I know this must be very, very tough for you. Take some time to heal. Take care of yourself. Do not expect instant healing.

But don't wait too long to get your life back. Remember, he may be dead but you are still alive. As his death indicates, we never know how much time we have to enjoy life--make the most of it.

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Moving Forward

thank you so much for your response! this support system is really helping me a lot. to read these messages and see that i am not alone really does help. thank you so much!! ::hugs::

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Moving Forward

BrainyBlonde,

I am so sorry! my goodness you have been through a lot. i cannot beleive someone would do that to another human being! this can be a sick world. However, in reading your story, i no whave more faith. If you can do it, i can do it! Thank you for sharing your story!

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Moving Forward

SpeakTrue,

Things will get better! We are all here for you. Take care.

That simple sentence really meant a lot to me. thank you so much!

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Moving Forward

thank you

Ultra Violet,

Have you got people you can talk to?

In response to that, the only people i have are my mom, sister and boyfriend. I cannot tell anyone else here becuase everyone knows everyone. My mom uderstands, kinda of and my sister is a decent help. But people like you are my biggest help. People who have this. My boyfriend found out he has it and couldn't care less. He said as long as it dosent kill me and i still have you, then i don't care...i guess im lucky in that aspect. but the fact that you took the time to respond to me helps me the most. thank you so much!!:-D

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