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curiousone

Question on Spreading And Preventing Herpes

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curiousone

I am currently in a relationship with a girl. She has told me she contracted genital Herpes 5 months ago. This has obviously upset me, but I've decided to stay by her as long as it safe for me to do so. I've read if she takes her medicine, and has sex outside of outbreaks, it reduces the chances of her spreading it to me? I also read that it is through skin to skin contact, in which herpes is transmitted.

In this case, condoms only protect the actual penis, so would be better to wear boxers or shorts whilst having sex, so there is no skin contact as the penis would go through the "slip" where the button is?

Or am I just be overly cautious?

:(

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MsLucy
I am currently in a relationship with a girl. She has told me she contracted genital Herpes 5 months ago. This has obviously upset me, but I've decided to stay by her as long as it safe for me to do so. I've read if she takes her medicine, and has sex outside of outbreaks, it reduces the chances of her spreading it to me? I also read that it is through skin to skin contact, in which herpes is transmitted.

In this case, condoms only protect the actual penis, so would be better to wear boxers or shorts whilst having sex, so there is no skin contact as the penis would go through the "slip" where the button is?

Or am I just be overly cautious?

:(

I'm a female with genital herpes, but when I think about it, I doubt it would matter whether I was male or female. My response would be the same... if you're more afraid of catching herpes than losing me, I don't need you in my life. Sex through boxer shorts? That's degrading.

Your comment that you've "decided to stay by her as long as it safe for me to do so" says it all. When you enter into a physical relationship with someone who has herpes, there are no guarantees. That's just how it is. So, if your "staying by her" is conditional on a sure pass on the risks, you'd be doing both of you a favor by saying goodbye now. I have a feeling that if somehow she did manage to pass it on to you, the poor girl would never hear the end of it, even though it was your decision to "stay by her."

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curecomingverysoon

Well, some people do go the boxer shorts route, it's true. But that's more of a paranoia thing. If she's on suppressive treatment and you're using condoms then the odds are 99% that she won't pass it on to you -- pretty much negligible (in the words of my doc).

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alittlenothing

Although I certainly see the logic behind it, I agree that the idea of a guy insisting upon leaving his underwear on while having sex with me is horribly depressing. You must take into account that this girl is being really responsible, using two of the most effective methods of avoiding transmission. If you're still paranoid enough about getting the virus to consider sex through boxers, you might suggest she also wash with anti-bacterial soap before sex and start taking herbs or eating foods to boost her immune system (lysine, garlic, echinacea).

Of course there is always the risk of the negative partner being infected in a negative/positive relationship, but you might try to see it in perspective. This is perhaps an extreme case given that herpes is incurable, but there is always a point at which you must choose to trust your partner and take a risk over ruthless self-preservation. Are you willing to take the .1% risk that you'll get her pregnant every time you sleep together, which is comparable to the risk of her giving you herpes? The risk that she'll cheat on you? That she'll possibly infect with you a more serious STI?

Also take into account that her actions prove that she's determined not to spread the virus to you, even if she's not gone to extremes and decided to abstain from sex to avoid it. I think that for most of us HSV-positive folks, spreading the virus to another person is our worst nightmare, and if our partner is especially worried about getting it, we'll do absolutely everything possible, within reason, to reduce the risk. So, she likely feels like she's done enough to be able to risk what is one of her greatest fears coming true. You just have to decide where you stand, how much you trust her judgement.

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whataboutbob

I don't think it is degrading

I most often keep my boxers on during sex with my girlfriend. I am the infected partner. I was told that most viral shedding occurs where you initially saw sores, which was not on my penis but in the pubic region. Since condoms do not cover that area (I use them anyway) I feel as though wearing boxers is important to keep that area covered. She has never asked me to do it, I just do, and although we have never discussed it, I feel like she is okay with it, and I can tell you I personally do not feel degraded by it. I take them off occasionally on special occasions, but I feel like if I have a condom and the boxers there is zero percent chance of spreading and that makes me feel a lot better.

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chooseyourbattles

I would rather have a guy wear boxers with me than turn me down. I think she will be ok with any precautions you want to take.

You sound like a nice guy.

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