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phoenixwinter

Looking for Legal Advice

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phoenixwinter

A little bit of my back story to explain why I'm looking for some legal advice/precedent:

I have been dating this man on and off for about ten years now. We've had many issues that have lead to the on and off again status one of which being he likes to sleep around. Now I know having unprotected sex with someone who sleeps around is beyond stupid but we were also "best friends" and supposedly honest with each other and got tested regularly. On Sunday I meet up with one of his other ex's for drink and while we were talking it comes out that this man has had herpes for over a year and NEVER told me about it. The kicker is he told her and his current girlfriend as soon as he found out but somehow I got left off the list to be contacted. And he has knowingly exposed it to me for over a year.

So I go to get tested tomorrow and am hopeful that I come back negative (since my last testing was negative but it was a little over a year ago so there's a scary window there) but my question is if I am positive can I sue him? I live in Virginia and while I've found many different threads saying it could be possible I am wondering if anyone knows about Virginia law and the fact it was so blatent of an offense.

Thank you to all who respond.

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phoenixwinter

also to clarify

I'm not really looking for monetary gain if I take him to court, I just want justice since when I confronted him about it he told me that 93% of US population has it and I have no right to feel angry or betrayed. Thanks again, I welcome any and all info you would like to share.

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Herpes Awareness

Try 20-25%, and the infection rate in women is twice that of men, thus bearing the burden of disease disproportionately. The difference is that many women ethically withdraw from sexual activity once they are diagnosed, in my opinion.

There are such things as informal sanctions, if you just want him to modify his behaviour, where others know of his disease status, and your advice to him is to modify what he is doing. From his perspective, he probably was uninformed about HSV until he caught it, and regrets it deeply, and is dealing with the psychological shock of the diagnosis also.

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phoenixwinter

I wish I could believe he felt bad about it but like I said he told two other girls about his condition and therefore they had a choice to continue their exposure. I unfortunately was not given that choice or information until a year later and only because his ex told me herself. Thanks for info though!!

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bennismama

Would those two people be willing to be involved in the lawsuit, providing statements or anything?

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lifesstillgood

Well, first you should wait to see if you even have it. Hopefully you wont.

Your situation is very interesting to me. He told his ex and his current girlfriend that he has herpes. Why would he not tell you?

I think if you do have it and want to sue, that fact that he has told other women that he has it works against you.

They could testify on his behalf and say that they were informed. It may not make sense to a jury why he would not tell you but tell them. He could say he informs everyone and has not kept this a secret. You have had a long standing sexual relationship with this man. He could say he told you and were fine with it.

You can prove he has it and knows he has it. This is a tough one.

Contact a lawyer and see what they think. Good luck.

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june90
A little bit of my back story to explain why I'm looking for some legal advice/precedent:

I have been dating this man on and off for about ten years now. We've had many issues that have lead to the on and off again status one of which being he likes to sleep around. Now I know having unprotected sex with someone who sleeps around is beyond stupid but we were also "best friends" and supposedly honest with each other and got tested regularly. On Sunday I meet up with one of his other ex's for drink and while we were talking it comes out that this man has had herpes for over a year and NEVER told me about it. The kicker is he told her and his current girlfriend as soon as he found out but somehow I got left off the list to be contacted. And he has knowingly exposed it to me for over a year.

So I go to get tested tomorrow and am hopeful that I come back negative (since my last testing was negative but it was a little over a year ago so there's a scary window there) but my question is if I am positive can I sue him? I live in Virginia and while I've found many different threads saying it could be possible I am wondering if anyone knows about Virginia law and the fact it was so blatent of an offense.

Thank you to all who respond.

feel ya, but its hard to prove he said she said. I would love to sue my infector. But then again I don't need to be branded in public as the big herpe walking in the court room either. Have no courage for that yet. but I was mad as hell to caught it from someone I loved. Oh and did I say, I was 16. now 18 I still get angry and I have no relationship that is steady. I am afraid to tell anyone I have it. How do you tell someone? and if you did, who would he tell? then before you know the whole county knows.

frustrated

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phoenixwinter

One of the girls is willing to testify, since she's actually the one who informed me about it. It really is strange, weird, evil that he told others and not me and I have no idea why...again we had been friends for over ten years. I'm just headspun on this whole thing and really appreciate this community and everyone's support/info.

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bennismama

At least the girl could attest to your reaction to the news of him having herpes.

I don't know specifically about virgina law but if you were able to get at least that girl to testify, you come back positive, you may have the beginnings of a lawsuit.

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itsnotover

I'm sorry, I may be in the minority here, but I feel like if you engage in consensual intercourse, with anyone, you have to take the responsibility for the consequences that may result from that action. My comments are not meant to offend, so I hope no one takes them the wrong way. Am I mad as hell at the man who gave me HSV2? Um, yeah!! But I have to take responsibility for my actions. I could have used protection or I could have insisted on std testing, but I didn't. Regardless of whether or not he knew he had it is a moot point. I didn't do everything I could to protect myself. Now I understand that there are some really shitty instances where a wife gets it from a cheating husband, and in that case, maybe she does deserve some compensation. I just feel like if you engage in risky behavior, you shouldn't be able to sue someone for whatever may result from it.

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Sophie D.
Try 20-25%, and the infection rate in women is twice that of men, thus bearing the burden of disease disproportionately. The difference is that many women ethically withdraw from sexual activity once they are diagnosed, in my opinion.

Your opinion might be true, but an easier explanation is that women are just at a higher risk of catching any STD. It is because the vagina is a huge area of thin skin, easily susceptible to tearing and it has a blood supply very near to the surface of the skin.

NOTE: not that you need tearing of the skin or an available blood supply to catch HSV, but it is very helpful for catching HIV.

There are such things as informal sanctions, if you just want him to modify his behaviour, where others know of his disease status, and your advice to him is to modify what he is doing.

What the heck are informal sanctions? You mean tell his friends?

You could, but you might be liable for a lawsuit. Yes, you can get sued for telling other people about one's medical status, even if it is true.

Now, how you do it and whether they successfully sue you is another story.

Under these circumstances I think he shouldn't be allowed to sue you, but that is just my opinion, which does not much in court.

From his perspective, he probably was uninformed about HSV until he caught it, and regrets it deeply, and is dealing with the psychological shock of the diagnosis also.

How do you know this? How would you even guess this from what the poster said?

He regrets it so much that he just forgot to tell the other person he was sleeping with for that past year?

Regrets what deeply? I thought your theory is that he did not know a thing until he caught it. If so, what is there to regret deeply? That he did not know he had it?

Sounds like a guilty conscience talking to me...

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Sophie D.
feel ya, but its hard to prove he said she said. I would love to sue my infector. But then again I don't need to be branded in public as the big herpe walking in the court room either. Have no courage for that yet. but I was mad as hell to caught it from someone I loved. Oh and did I say, I was 16. now 18 I still get angry and I have no relationship that is steady. I am afraid to tell anyone I have it. How do you tell someone? and if you did, who would he tell? then before you know the whole county knows.

frustrated

So are you sleeping with people and not telling them that you have HSV?

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Sophie D.
A little bit of my back story to explain why I'm looking for some legal advice/precedent:

I have been dating this man on and off for about ten years now. We've had many issues that have lead to the on and off again status one of which being he likes to sleep around. Now I know having unprotected sex with someone who sleeps around is beyond stupid but we were also "best friends" and supposedly honest with each other and got tested regularly. On Sunday I meet up with one of his other ex's for drink and while we were talking it comes out that this man has had herpes for over a year and NEVER told me about it. The kicker is he told her and his current girlfriend as soon as he found out but somehow I got left off the list to be contacted. And he has knowingly exposed it to me for over a year.

First of all that is horrible! What a terrible way to learn about his status, while having drinks with one of his exes! Ugh. I cannot even imagine.

And even worse, he told those other women and not you. :(

So I go to get tested tomorrow and am hopeful that I come back negative (since my last testing was negative but it was a little over a year ago so there's a scary window there) but my question is if I am positive can I sue him? I live in Virginia and while I've found many different threads saying it could be possible I am wondering if anyone knows about Virginia law and the fact it was so blatent of an offense.

Thank you to all who respond.

Hopefully you already know to get the IgG blood test. Nothing else matters but this one.

Are you sure you got tested for herpes before? Doctors normally do not test for it unless you specifically ask for the test...even if you say you wanted to be tested for all STD's.

To answer your question, you can sue anyone for practically anything. What I think you are asking is do you have a viable case. If you are positive yes, you can sue him.

I assume that you have not been sleeping with anyone else? Only assuming cause you did not say you were. If you were sleeping with other people then obviously it would help if you did not get it from them, so they either tested negative or the timeline is wrong, etc.

Also, just because you are negative does not mean that you are in the clear. Most people seroconvert (test postive on a blood test) within 4 months. I think the statistic is that 99% test positive after 6 months.

Everyone else here wants to try the case,

--why did he not tell you, does not make sense, jury won't believe.

--how does anyone know that you did not know...that he did not tell you before...

blah blah

NO, you do NOT have to prove these things. Besides I am sure your reaction to the news gave away that you did not know. (Her agreeing to testify is even better.)

Plus, then you confronted him with the news.

Would it help that you confronted him in an email or something, of course, but if you did not then you did not.

It always helps to have more than less evidence, but don't worry that you don't have his blood test and that you have not tape recorded every conversation since a year ago.

But you can do things now to increase your evidence.

Maybe email him a link about "only" 25% of the population having genital herpes or something?

Is he suspicious about email?

Also, depending on your state's laws, it MAY be legal to tape record a conversation with him. It may be illegal, I do not know.

Good luck and keep us posted.

And to add my unsolicited 2 cents, there is usually a reason that people are on again and off again. Meaning that they should not be together.

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Sophie D.
I'm sorry, I may be in the minority here, but I feel like if you engage in consensual intercourse, with anyone, you have to take the responsibility for the consequences that may result from that action. My comments are not meant to offend, so I hope no one takes them the wrong way.

I do not think you are in the minority at all, especially for those that engage in unprotected sex.

**personally, I think most women are too quick to put the blame on only themselves.

However, if one represents that they do not have a disease, then what is the other person to do?

Even if you say that she did not protect herself, he KNEW he had a disease and did nothing. Who is more wrong here?

In some states the law even asks that question. If she lives in a state where the law can also look to her behavior then her damages could be reduces by her percentage of fault.

For example, Say she wins $100,000, but the jury thinks that she is 25% at fault because she did not use protection, then her damages could be reduced by that much in some states.

Besides, you take a risk when you get in a car and drive it, but does that mean people should be allowed to hit your car and not have to pay for it? Just because you knew that there was a chance that that could happen?

Am I mad as hell at the man who gave me HSV2? Um, yeah!! But I have to take responsibility for my actions. I could have used protection or I could have insisted on std testing, but I didn't. Regardless of whether or not he knew he had it is a moot point. I didn't do everything I could to protect myself. Now I understand that there are some really shitty instances where a wife gets it from a cheating husband, and in that case, maybe she does deserve some compensation.

Legally, it is not a moot point of whether he knew he had it. It may be to you.

There is no standard that says you have to do everything to protect yourself. It is just the standard in your head.

I felt the same thing, like I said, most women are quick to think of what they should have done, but if the guy knew he had a disease, why don't we at least blame him too?

For better or worse, the law is the law and it may not necessarily match with the standard in your head.

I just feel like if you engage in risky behavior, you shouldn't be able to sue someone for whatever may result from it.

So, if you don't wear your seat belt, then you should not be able to sue the drink driver that hit you?

Like I said, that may be your standard, but is is very high and the legal standard is not so insurmountable.

Anyway, if your guy did know he had HSV and knew that he could give it to you and he did not care, don't you think he should be stopped from doing it to another person?

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