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sachmn

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sachmn

My name is Mike. I was diagnosed a couple years ago. My girlfriend at the time did not know that she had it but I broke out, she called the same night(before she knew I broke out)and told me.

It was not such a big deal at the time, a bit of adjustment and thought and research and we both were pretty okay with it since we were staying together.

Well, it's been a month since we broke up and I'm kind of at a loss...how do I get back into the dating world? How do I initiate the talk? I'm excited to browse the forums and talk to people to find out how they approached these and other issues.

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itsnotover

Hey Mike,

Being a newbie myself, I have only had to do the "talk" once. I was just diagnosed last week and had to break the news to the guy I was seeing (and having unprotected sex with). I didn't have symptoms so I didn't know I had it. He took it well, but it was hard as hell to do it. I chickened out and did it over the phone. If I could have a do-over, I would have done it in person. I have found that even now that he knows, it's still really hard to talk about it. I want to talk about suppression and treatments and how I feel about it and all of that, but it's really hard to bring it up in conversation. I guess that's why I'm here.

Anywhoo, I've read a lot of great things about the dating sites designed for HSV positives. Maybe that would be helpful, just to break into the dating world and get the hang of it again. But if internet dating isn't for you, then look at it this way. You'll be a lot more selective and careful when choosing partners now, which may not be a bad thing.

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ginnyp

I also had my talk after being diagnosed AFTER having unprotected sex with my partner. We had unprotected DURING my first ob and 3 months later he tested negative. I had no idea I had it until that first ob, so it was dormant for at least 2 years.

My partner did not take it well, but he did not leave me. Now we've been together for over a year and sometimes we joke about it. We've come a LONG way since then.

It was hard in the beginning to bring it up. Then he made it clear that he wanted to support me, and I found myself talking about it a lot. Now we don't talk about it as much, but if I need to bring it up or if I'm having a bad day, I talk to him about it.

Even though I didn't have the talk the way most talks go (you already know and decide to finally tell) my talk was awful. I had no idea what to say, and he had no idea what to do. We made it through but it took a long time. Luckily he saw something in me that made him stay. He still hasn't ever been tested for type 1. He will ask for that at his next test, because I'm wondering if type 1 helped him to NOT get my type 2. I mean, we had sex when I had a sore (without knowing) right at the entrance so I'm wondering if he had a little bit of protection there already. If so, he's never had cold sores. We shall see someday.

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