How do you tell one you care about?

[ouch]

Hey, I need advice. I have been seeing someone for two months. He is an awesome sweet dude and I really like him...but about a year ago I was diagnosed with Gen. Herps. I have never really had an outbreak other than one small bump. I had it checked and voila...the herps. Anyhoooooo.....It has been a year and still no outbreak, sometimes I think i might have one and nothing ever happens! So I guess if I have the herps, at least I should be grateful it is not a virulent form of it. But this has sort of caused me to be in a state of denial (like, "oh, I don't have the herps, NO WAY, the TEST was wrong..." etc.)

How do I tell my current boyfriend of this. WE have used protection when we had sex (once), but after reading all these articles and stuff, I now understand that condoms are not always foolproof. I would DIE if I gave him this dreaded annoying affliction. I have to tell him, and I dread doing so, but I know it is the right thing. Please, can someone help me. What would be the best way to handle this. I also fear that he might get mad and tell our friends (we have a close knit group of friends here) and being ostracized would hurt worse than him dumping me. I don't forsee him being that vindictive, but one never knows. I have known since we first met that should things get serious, I am going to have to talk to him about this and now we are at that point. I feel SO guilty, and I feel that I have been in denial this past year that I had this happen to me. ( I contracted it by my ex boyfriend, who was an mentally abusive, cruel, rotten bastard....his final "gift" he gave me) But I must face the facts and I must be fair to him. So I now implore those here who have been in similar situations, please help me. What is the best way to handle this.

I thank you for your help. Only those in our shoes can understand this and appreciate it. Thanks guys!

[ouch]

yoo hoo...help?!

Hey there....have not heard any feed back....just trying to glean some personal experiences on HOW to tell someone you are dating and care about that you have genital herpes. Especially since we have had sex....makes it worse. (protected..of course...always...but I see condoms dont' really help much.) crazy.Thanks guys!

[thegreatsebabo]

how old are you

[ouch]

on some days I feel 100, others I feel 21 still...but I am 30.

How come?

[Palomita]

In my opinion you MUST tell him, and you owe him an apology for not having done it before having sex. It doesn't matter that you experience few symptoms! I heard not a peep from the virus for 4 years so I can understand being tempted to deny its existence. But I was falling in love with someone and did not want to exploit his affection for me or plant a time bomb in the relationship. So after talking to some people and coming to this board I knew I had to tell him before going to bed with him.

All I have to do to convince myself of the risk I am capable of putting someone else in is realize that mine was an immaculate infection. I have to GUESS how I got it. I think it was from a boyfriend who had oral herpes, though I never had anyone with an ob go down on me. It's a tricky little bugger, and it's not for the infected person to decide what is an acceptable risk!

Palomita

[ouch]

I agree with you P. I have made myself sick at this point just by putting him at any risk. Believe me, if I could turn back time, I would. I will tell him and apologize and I can only hope that he will be okay, and that he will forgive. Denial is an evil thing....be it denial you have a drug or alcohol problem, or denial you have herpes. Doesn't matter.

Oh, I know exactly where I got it from, and that alone fucks with my head on a daily basis. I try to stay positive and healthy, but it is getting harder and harder. Especially when faced with something like this, and the guilt knowing that I put someone I care about at risk. I am so depressed and despondent, but mayhaps that is a good thing, it forces me to have this conversation with him alot sooner than I had planned. (I was going to wait until next week on his day off....so he would not have to be at work and dealing/absorbing this shit) but I think I am just going to do it this weekend. if I lose him then I deserve it for not being upfront from the get go. And I do not think that I will see anyone else. The stress of this is just not worth it to me, the telling, the risks, the worrying (not just about myself and my lame ass ego but I worry for my partner too.) I never have OB's and now I am having multiple, one after another. They are not bad, but they are THERE...I am having no respite from it. and the antiviral does not seem to be helping. So.....yeah, big talk tonite or tomorrow. Fun.

[thegreatsebabo]

How did that talk go?

[ouch]

went good!

Hey Greatsebabo!!!

Talk went better than I could have ever ever have hoped for! I feel like a new woman!!!!

I posted the whole experience under "dating and relationships" Where it says "I told my boyfriend and he is amazing". and I hope it helps others the way people here have helped me.

My guy is truly amazing and I am so happy that he is in my life. He is a good person, has always been a good person, and he is so wonderfully understanding. I can't believe how cool he is. I went in thinking the worst and the best happened.

This has certainly been a learning experience for me and one thing for certain, I realize that as we get older, we don't get wiser....so it is important to really sit back, take in the whole picture and LEARN from it. Never again will I jeapordize someone else due to my own fear and denial. But I also won't allowed myself to be treated any different because I have this disease or whatever one wants to call it. And HE has helped me realize that too!