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Hey! I told my boyfriend!!! Let's just say, he is amazing!

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ouch Platinum Support Member

ouch

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So....I know I have been posting on here alot lately about all sorts of stuff, mainly about how to tell the one you care about that you have genital herpes. I thought I would share my experience, because it was SO positive, and I hope that others have a likewise experience. It goes to show that it does not always have to be bad or scary.

I have been "lurking" on this website, reading about other people experience with the virus as well as how they deal with it in conjunction of telling their signifigant others. It has been enlightening, as well as inspirational and in some cases downright scary. I KNEW I had to tell my partner, I had never been in this situation since finding out, and I was scared and concerned. First, I KNEW I had to tell him. It was not fair to him. I was making myself SICK with the guilt and the worry (thus, causing an OB). I also came to realize that it was not having this that was making it so hard for me to tell, but the STIGMA attached to it. And the fear of being ostracized. (by him, by anyone HE told....etc.) Finally, after talking to my best friend and with the help of people on here (like Palomita!) they gave me the good kick in the ass I needed and I decided to tell him on Friday night. (I was going to wait until this week, but I couldnt' do it any longer) So when he called I told him I had to talk to him. He came over later on, and after a few false start. I just blurted it out. I was very calm, matter of fact and clinical about the whole thing. I told him too how I have been in denial and did not want to believe it. I told him how I caught it. (he KNOWS what an ass my ex husband is...everyone does!) I gave him what little clinical knowledge I KNOW about this virus. He sat there all blank face, just staring at me. Then he said "You know, when I came over here tonite, I thought you wanted to dump me. I was just telling my brother about how great you are and how you do not get mad ove dumb things like some gals do. You are so cool, and everything is going so great. I am NOT GOING TO LET A THING LIKE THIS COME BETWEEN WHAT WE HAVE BETWEEN US. IF WE BREAK UP EVER, IT WILL NOT BE BECAUSE OF THIS. THIS IS INSIGNIFIGANT TO US and WHAT WE HAVE BETWEEN US."

I almost fell to the floor! :shock: NOT what I expected at all. If nothing else, I expected him to be sympathetic, but scared and needing time alone to digest all this. Instead, he was kind and compassionate and fucking EVOLVED and enlightened as opposed to many people out there. He then said that "yes, we will have to make some lifestyle changes and be more cautious and aware, but I am not going to stop kissing you or being affectionate with you or making love to you because of this. It is not going to change that." (we have always practiced safe sex, so, he means we just will be more careful...extra careful!)

Now, at this point, I admit, I did lose it. I started to bawl. :oops: One, because I felt relief just in telling him, even before I got his response. It felt good to get it off my chest. Two, because his reaction was the best, better than I ever hoped it to be. I was crying from relief, a little from old pent up hurt that I never got to release (and HE let me do that too) and third, because he was just so awesome about it. He just sat me in his lap and let me let loose. We went to bed after, (no, no nookie...!) and he held me and talked to me and weird as it may sound, I think it brought us even closer together. He is truly amazing. I have said all along I would walk on hot coals for this man. Now I would take on an army for him WHILE walking on those hot coals. He is just a good decent man, and kind and compassionate as well.

I guess the moral of my story is: when the time is right, tell. Be honest. Don't risk someone elses life for your own selfish reasons. My story turned out for the very best, but I was lucky. It could have been very ugly. Plus, you will FEEL better within if you are honest and tell. I feel SO Much better, like a million pounds was lifted of my shoulders. I hope I never have to do this again, but if I do, it will at least be a little easier. I was lucky that it was so positive. But I am sure there are other people out there just as understanding and enligtened as my guy. And now, I have a partner in crime who, when I have to deal with this little issue, will fight against it WITH me.

And lastly, most importantly, he made me realize, hey, this "cootie" does NOT make up who I am. Not at all. It is merely an annoyance I have to deal with and take precaution with, but it is not ME. It is not who I AM! He helped me remember that. :wink: Something we ALL need to remember I am sure, from time to time.

Sorry for the long post. I hope this helps others out there, as much as you all have helped me. I want to send all my hugs and happy thoughts your way and thank you all. (sending big hugs as I write this!) I feel rejuvenated. YEAH! (now....if I could take care of my BACK problem....hehehe damn horse that threw me!!! ) :wink:

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sad2bhere Honeycomb Member

sad2bhere

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:D Awwww, that is SO COOL, ouch! I am so happy for you here with tears running down my cheeks. He sounds like a very nice guy, hang on to him! Congrats!!!!

:wink: s2bh

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ouch Platinum Support Member

ouch

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thanks sad. I get totally choked up when I think about it too. I am truly lucky to have found him. But then, as he said, *not my words!* he is lucky to have met me! hehehe. HE does not want this to be an issue in our life, other than WE take care of ourselves and be careful and cautious. He is right! I just adore him and I wish for all my female friends to meet a teddy bear like him. I am not a bad person or gross because of this, I am stil the same goofball I always was, and he made me remember that. But yeah, I get really choked up when I think about that night it, and how he just KNEW what to say to me, I am just floored.

Thanks again! You all have been great. I don't know what I would have done without this website. The info has been a goldmine for me.

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  • 2 weeks later...
soooworried Newbie

soooworried

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To OUCH

I have to tell you I cried when i read your story about telling your boyfriend. I was just diagnosed 3 days ago and I have to tell my b/f still. I am 37 and a single mom. Its hard enough dating. Now I have to tell men i meet that i have H.

I haven't told him yet 1. because i do not know what type i have yet 2. i want to be really informed so i know what the hell i am talking about 3. i am scared out of my mind that he will think i knew all along and didn't tell him.

We had sex for the 1st time last week and 2 days later i got a OB. I told him i was having issues down there and he kind of shrugged it off and was laughing , but i didn't know what it was...no sores right away, just swelling and stinging. I went to the Doc on Monday and he said i would bet money that its herpes from all my symptoms. I am just devistaed, worried, hurt and just an all around mess.

I would love to get that kind of response from him, but i don't know. I am so scared to tell him and lose him. We just started dating a few weeks ago, but have been friends for months.

Congrats to you. I am happy to hear that there is a happy ending for some

I need to tell him. I HAVE to tell him.

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soooworried Newbie

soooworried

Posted
Posted

To OUCH

I have to tell you I cried when i read your story about telling your boyfriend. I was just diagnosed 3 days ago and I have to tell my b/f still. I am 37 and a single mom. Its hard enough dating. Now I have to tell men i meet that i have H.

I haven't told him yet 1. because i do not know what type i have yet 2. i want to be really informed so i know what the hell i am talking about 3. i am scared out of my mind that he will think i knew all along and didn't tell him.

We had sex for the 1st time last week and 2 days later i got a OB. I told him i was having issues down there and he kind of shrugged it off and was laughing , but i didn't know what it was...no sores right away, just swelling and stinging. I went to the Doc on Monday and he said i would bet money that its herpes from all my symptoms. I am just devistaed, worried, hurt and just an all around mess.

I would love to get that kind of response from him, but i don't know. I am so scared to tell him and lose him. We just started dating a few weeks ago, but have been friends for months.

Congrats to you. I am happy to hear that there is a happy ending for some

I need to tell him. I HAVE to tell him.

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soooworried Newbie

soooworried

Posted
Posted

To OUCH

I have to tell you I cried when i read your story about telling your boyfriend. I was just diagnosed 3 days ago and I have to tell my b/f still. I am 37 and a single mom. Its hard enough dating. Now I have to tell men i meet that i have H.

I haven't told him yet 1. because i do not know what type i have yet 2. i want to be really informed so i know what the hell i am talking about 3. i am scared out of my mind that he will think i knew all along and didn't tell him.

We had sex for the 1st time last week and 2 days later i got a OB. I told him i was having issues down there and he kind of shrugged it off and was laughing , but i didn't know what it was...no sores right away, just swelling and stinging. I went to the Doc on Monday and he said i would bet money that its herpes from all my symptoms. I am just devistaed, worried, hurt and just an all around mess.

I would love to get that kind of response from him, but i don't know. I am so scared to tell him and lose him. We just started dating a few weeks ago, but have been friends for months.

Congrats to you. I am happy to hear that there is a happy ending for some

I need to tell him. I HAVE to tell him.

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