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Worried


valkyrie

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The more you read the more you get worried, don't you?!

I am still in the middle of diagnosis but am panicking so bad I don't know how to calm myself down. Do I have Herpes, could I be HIV positive, have I been infected or am I infecting others??? I have worried myself into an early period, loss of appetite & loss of sleep for goodness sake!

I have had all the tell tale symptoms of Herpes over the past week & 1/2 & have to head back to Dr tomorrow for a test as the 1st time around he didn't check for Herpes when collecting cultures & bloodwork.

I'm not really that upset that I might have contracted Herpes (having unprotected sex was my choice) but I am VERY concerned that I might be the carrier of Herpes instead. (guilt,guilt,guilt) I have all classic symptoms of initial breakout but the more I read up on all of this I can also see that I might have had symptoms for quite a while?! I read about things like people having a lesion on their buttocks or vaginal itchiness etc. This could all be written off to an ingrown hair & yeast infection I know but still can't help but worry. I would find it hard to live with the fact that I have infected other people with this STD.

Could I have carried this STD all this time without having the initial breakout until now brought on by the sex or a physical trauma ( I had a fall in which I incurred bruising on the right hand side of my back,buttocks, & shoulder the day before the symptoms came to the forefront) & if so can I hope that I wasn't contagious at the time & hopefully my partner wasn't infected.

I'm getting tested tomorrow for all STD's including HIV. (get to panic for another 2 weeks before finding out results) I just wanted to post this right now to help myself cope with what I am feeling at this time. I don't want to share this with my family or friends right now as I may be over-reacting (especially to the HIV scare) but I can't help how/what I feel at this point in time. If I didn't break out with "pimples" or "lesions" I would be as worried either but I know that there is definately something up.

I can't believe how many different directions my mind goes in within the day since this has started happening. People are really starting to notice a change in my personality & are concerned but I can't tell them anything. (at this point nothing really to tell, just speculate) The only time I forget about all of this is when I'm sleeping & that's been only been for a couple of hours at a time over the past 3 or 4 days.

I have read most of the messages on this site & everyone seems to help each other out so well that I would put this message across & maybe get some advice/comments from all of you to help me get through this time. I'll follow this note up when results come back.

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i think you should calm down and go to sleep. when you sleep, you dont have to think about it. or... keep urself busy!

stop wasting ur time stressing about it. im a hypocrite, but that's the right thing to do. whats the point of worrying? it will only make you sick!! and then you'll be worse off...

i had 2 culture tests and 1 blood test... it's been 2 WEEKS, and i still havent gotten my results.

good luck! we're all in the same boat :) go hang out with your friends...be surrounded by ppl so u dont have to think about it.

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I know exactly what you mean; until I stepped back to gain some perspective (and rationality) on the H diagnosis, I was consumed by it. I too, don't know how long I've had it...my outbreak occured months after my most previous sexual contact, so I wonder who exposed me and who, if anyone, did I expose? Basically, it does no good to think those types of thoughts, nothing productive will come of it.

My gyn annual is in July, and I too plan on having an HIV test at that time. It scares the hell out of me - obviously I didn't "think" I had slept with anyone with H, so like you I wonder, what else may I have contracted? Keep us updated, try not to worry, and look ahead...you can't change what's already done. I really do know exacly how you feel.

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Thanks

I appreciate you all for answering my post. I'll try & keep good thoughts & quit worrying but it is so hard not to. I was fine today until about 1 hr ago when I had a panic attack & feeling nauseous.

Maybe I'll calm down now that I've read your replys to me.

Thank you again, Valkyrie.

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I know how you feel.I had a risky encounter about a month ago.A few days after I had heard that she had been with someone who had GH.Started experencing all the symptoms and then HIV started to cross my mind.I havent been able to do anything without thinking bout it.When I am able to sleep I have nightmares about HIV and death.I am a nervous wreck. :cry::cry:

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