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not getting any better


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i don't know what to do.

i was diagnosed with genital hsv1 at the beginning of this year. since then i seem to have had pretty much constant outbreaks, and even when i'm not having one (very rare) i'm still convinced that i'm experiencing prodrome. it's been about five months now, surely this thing should be getting easier? i live in a country where ozone therapy is legal but it's expensive and i'm not sure if i want to risk the money on something that may well be completely useless. short of that i'm considering going on valtrex but i really don't like the idea of taking drugs every day of my life, forever and ever.

i just don't know what to do. every time anyone becomes interested in me romantically i push them away. this thing is always on my mind. i don't think it's got any better at all since my diagnosis. even if i was able to strike up a relationship with someone and i had a few gaps where i wasn't outbreaking, i'd still be convinced that i was going to give it to them, through asymptomatic shedding. i just don't know what to do. i hate myself so much and i can't stand being in this body much longer.

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I just wanted to share my personal experience with you, as I believe it really will get better. The first year for me was constant outbreaks and prodrome. It was also the most emotional time of my life, and I'm sure the combination of my body adjusting to and fighting the virus plus the emotional stress of dealing with it were the number 1 cause of my OB's. It took me a while to finally calm down about the whole thing and start to take care of my body the way I need to. At first I felt like nothing I did helped with the symptoms, but after a while I noticed that things like stress and diet greatly affect it for me... and after some experimenting and acceptance, I went for almost 3 yrs with no OB. ( and no drugs). Now it's just an occasional nuisance that I try to look at as a meter to tell me when I'm pushing myself too far and not taking care of myself the way I need to. It will get better!

as far as dating... 5 months isn't long. don't worry about getting involved with anyone right now, this is time you need for taking care of YOU. And know that you're in the right place with people that understand and have been there. the support you'll find here is priceless!

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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