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17 confused..


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I've never even looked at one of these posts and i dont even know if i will get any response..but here is goes.

My Story: I was nieve, i was 16..i know that is so young but at the time i thought i was in love. All my friends by that time had had sex numerous times but i was goin to wait until i found the one. well i did, well i thought i did. i waited almost 6 months to give him my virginity. we were amazing. he was perfect. about 10 months into our relationship..i was ramdomly diagnosed with herpes. to make a long story short he had been cheating on me with someone who was infected. this had almost ruined my life. i felt that i had been cheated on life some what. i'm not goin to get into the emotial damage it has done to me.

Now: i have a boyfriend. and selfishly i didnt tell him until Saturday night. i felt that he owuld leave me, or just not understand that i wasnt the type of girl tohave sex with random guys, that this wasnt my fauly. he understood. he says he loves me and would never let something like this come between us.

My Question: I dont kno what kind of remarks i'm goin to get from this. But i hate condoms (i kno..i kno..) and so does my boyfriend. 1. how possible is it to give herpes to someone when not on an outbreak. (i've had herpes for a year. and only had 2 outbreaks (every 6 months)). and 2. IS THERE ANY CURE? i mean can one day can it just go away. 3. if its totally and definelty will happen that i will give it to him if we dont use a condom even off an outbreak..is there anythin i can use besides a condom that will protect me.

Thank you SO much for taking the time to read this. it means so much to me. and to all those living with it, i hear ya. :D

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ok answer 1 can you give it to your boyfriend while you don't have an outbreak....Yes. From what i understand you can have shedding while no sores are present and that is how you would give it to him. Answer 2 is there any cure...No. Unfortunatley we have this for the rest of our lives. Although we can control the outbreaks we still have the disease. And answer 3...I don't know of any other method than condoms. My husband and i have been married for 2 years and i have had this since i was 21 i am now 26 my husband doesn't have it or at least we don't think he does. You must use condoms if you dont' want to spread it. My husband and i use them all the time. We now want to have a baby and we are trying but i am soo scared that i will give it to him. He says he can deal with it but i am not so sure i can deal with giving it to him.

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In response to the condom question, You could maybe try a female condom, they go in you instead of on him and are bigger and don't fit him snug. it might feel more natural? I guess it's worth a try, and a better idea than not using anything.

good luck

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We hear ya!

If you were to ask every sexually active person (herpes or not), male or female, I'm sure about 99.9% of us would say we really, really don't like using condoms. On the other hand, we really, really don't want to give herpes to our partners, so we use them. Sure, the physical feeling isn't quite the same as 'natural' sex, but the intimacy should be even better - why? because you know you're being responsible and protecting him, and that is a very loving, intimate feeling to have. Herpes is the one thing you really don't want to 'share'!

Condoms are a good start when it comes to preventing the spread of herpes. Avoiding sexual contact during an outbreak or a prodrome (the beginning of an outbreak before the sores appear) and taking suppressive medication are the other things you can do to be proactive in keeping your outbreaks to a minimum, and therefore keeping the odds of passing it on to a minimum too. The more you do, the better your odds. However, no matter what you do, there is always a chance that you may give it to your partner.

As of right now there's no cure for herpes. Tests and trials are being held but we all have to face the fact that we're most likely going to be dealing with this for a long time. It's totally manageable and equates to a minor inconvenience over time. The more you educate yourself, the easier it is to live with.

Best of luck, you're NOT alone :wink:

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  • 3 weeks later...

Young star....

I am so worried for you on multiple levels. So you came clean with your boyfriend put your hear on your sleeve and told him the truth, and he said no problem he is in for the long haul. Great.

On the flip side have you inquired about his sexual history. Do you know whether or not he has an STD or has ever had any STD's. When was his last HIV test and when was your last HIV test? If you are going to be responsible about your sex, be 100% responsible. Do not sell yourself short because you think now this next guy really loves you because he accepted your situation.

Love yourself know you are the bomb and you have a condition. You do not have to be having an outbreak to spread the desease. And you are seventeen. If I knoew then what I know at 32 a lot of things would be different. Do not sell yourself short because my dear, you have your life to look forward to. And taking another brother's word, afther your first experience is naive.

Know your value and don't sell yourself short.

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