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I Just told my boyfriend...


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Well, it's been a while since i've been on here. I've been through a lot, physically, emotionally and spiritually. i've met a wonderful guy with whom i spend a lot of time.

I've talked to a few friends who have Herpes and they've told me that they have successful and happy relationships cuz the guys they get with "don't care." How can they not care? I wouldn't want Herpes if i could help it! I was too scared to let any of the guys who called take me out cuz i didn't want to go through the rejection i would feel when they grimaced and ran away calling me a leper. I took the cowardly approach and just...didn't deal with it. I became Asexual and avoided boys like the plague.

And then i met my boyfriend. We went out, as friends, and i told him right off the bat. I said, "If this goes anywhere, i just want you to know that i have Herpes." I recieved a shocked silence and he responded, "tell me how you got it..." i told him the story, he held me when i cried, and said, "Well, i like you, and i want to continue this relationship on a plutonic level at least, and we'll see where it goes from there, ok? I don't think you're nasty or a skank, i just want to be...cautious. I'm young, ya know?"

I was very relieved when he said that. Now, i'm going to try to get on Valtrex because i've heard it decreases the risk of spreading it to a partner, and my boyfriend and i are very careful when we 'mess around.' After not even being kissed for six months, having a full on romantic relationship with someone is weird.

And who knows, maybe in a month he'll tell me he can't accept my disease and that we have to end our relationship. Then, i'll know it wasn't meant to be. I'll be heartbroken, and will probably go through a period of depression again, but at least i'll have been through this once.

It's hard, i know it's hard, but you HAVE TO TELL THEM. If we'd had sex and he'd gotten it i would have KILLED myself. I got it from a guy who was wearing a condom so i will take no chances with this boy that i love. And ya'll shouldn't either. It's embarrassing, you feel dirty, but you save the other person from the misery the stigma brings.

I'll get down off my soap box now. If anyone knows about Valtrex and is happy/unhappy with it, will you holla at me? Also, has anyone been in a sexually active relationship and NOT spread it to their partner? Just wondering.

Thank you for listening,


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does Valtrex really decrease the risk of spreading? because i was diagnosed last year and they gave me a few pills for my outbreak. if i take them before sex will they decrease it? thanks.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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