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some hope for people who are afraid to date


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When I first found out that I had h I though I would be alone forever and was to scared to start dating. eventually I knew I needed to get back out there. I started pretty much saying yes every time I got asked out which has turned out to be quite alot. I have been having a great time meeting new people and getting to know them. It's actually kind of nice to not have to worry about the sex thing. I have no intentions of sleeping with anyone who I'm not in love with so all the pressure of sex is gone. If the guys don't like waiting to bad for them. What I've found out though is that guys respect me so much more for not hooking up with them to quick and they acctually get to know me for who I am. It takes time to really get to know someone. I've noticed that alot of times that the subject of stds comes up naturally in just regular dating and I'm starting to be able to tell what a person might do if confronted with the issue. If they bring it up really early into the relationship It seems that this signals a guy who wants to get in bed with me too quick. If they make a huge deal about stds in our casual conversations I pretty much know they won't be cool with me, and I move on. this has happened twice and from what I saw these guys were cool with sleeping with me only if I didn't have anything. Well I do and if they like me so much wouldn't they like me despite everything? The answer appears to be no, so they are not the kind of person I want. I want to be loved and accepted unconditionally. this scenario saves me from ever having to have the talk with them because I've gotten good at getting answers without having to reveal anything about myself. I have had the "talk" before and although I was extremely nervous It went well. The first guy gave me a huge hug and didn't seem to care. Well after he slept with me one time he bailed. Maybe he got what he wanted then decided the h was something he didn't want to deal with. wish he would have figured that out before he slept with me. He turned out to be a coward and a schiester. Glad it didn't work out. another guy admitted he had it too. which was a relief but I eventually realized I didn't have any real feelings for him so we are just friends.

Right now I am hanging out with the sweetest guy. We have been developing the best friendship over the last year and we get along great. Things kind of started to take a turn towards the romantic and I wasn't sure I was really ready for that. One night we were hanging out, having a great time as always and we kissed a little. I told him I had to leave immediately because I wasn't sure I wanted things to go in that direction yet and that I was scared that someday I might hurt him. As I was walking out the door he says "hey I know, and I don't care" we have a mutual friend which I told who aparently told him my h status. well I'm not interested in being friends with them anymore, I learned a valuable lesson not to tell anyone who I don't trust 100%. Anyways I couldn't believe he said that and I was blown away by what a wonderful person he is. He likes me so much that this doesn't matter. Now that is a real man! It tells me he is the kind of person who will stick around through the good and bad and that he accepts me unconditionally. I walked back in the room and I said "would you believe me if I told you I loved you?" and he said yes and then he grabbed me and looked in my eyes and said "you are such a good person" to which I replied "I know" :wink: You see I care enough about him to not just jump into bed with him because I can and he realized this too. I need to think long and hard about the long term effects of us having a relationship. He is a few years younger that me and I'm not sure if I even want to have a boyfriend right now. I don't want to risk it until I know I am ready to take on the responsibility of having infected someone. me being who I am I couldn't do that unless I was willing to be with and take care of that person forever. I don't want to create a situation where someday I'm gone and the virus isn't. I'm going to see him this week. I want to keep having the great relatonship weve been having. Someday it might move into a physical relationship, but at a very slow pace. So the point of my post is don't give up and let this thing become so huge in your mind that you give up on love. It is still possible, acctually it is much more meaningful and intimate than it has ever been. This is just one more challange in life I have been given and as time goes by I learn to navigate better and better with my new circumstances. It isn't the end of anything, but the beginning of something new and different and it acctually fells o.k.

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re: some hope

Thanks for your story. I have been with my partner for 13 years, I have had herpes for about 20 years. My partner just split up with me and one of the reasons was never getting past the fear of getting herpes.

Although she has not for 13 years.

I will be faced with dating again at some point and telling people about my status. I am nervous and worry that everyone will feel as she does.

Your writing was helpful. I will take solace in it for now.


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thanks for the courage. beginning to think that my life might be a lonely one since i possibly have contracted warts along with the herpes from a pervios relationship. i know from experience that herpes alone is had enough to tell someone let alone now i have to tell them that i have warts as well. it sucks. its bad enough people are jugdemental you know. hope one day things will look up for me and i will find mr right but no luck anytime soon.. i'm way to scared and a wreck dealing with other issues.

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      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
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    • FirstTimeUser
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