need advise please

[Lindsey Katt]

Hi, Im a new member and I just found out last week that i have H last week. I am so confused, the first couple days, i was so sad, I couldnt stop crying. I am trying to be strong. I recently graduated from college and I was in a relationship since oct. I traveled to costa rica for 2.5 months and europe for 2 months,. While i was in costa rica I met a really great guy, we were sleeping together and we email each other still. I am so scared that i gave H to these 2 guys that i care about. my plan before i found out about have H was to return to costa rica in Nov. the guy i met there said i can live with him and his friend (I would have my own room), well my question is, should I still go. If i go he will want to sleep with me, so i will have to tell him, im afraid he will freak out that i exposed him to it. I dont think i got it from him, he said he had been tested. I have no way of knowing what he will do. Im afraid i will feel so alone if i go, but i really want to go, and i feel like i shouldnt let H change my life plans, but maybe itwill have to. How should i deal with this, and how should i tell him?? also what things have you guys found to cause outbreaks? iv heard stress but what else, thanks

[cloud9r]

Just because the guy got tested doesn't mean he didn't have it. If you were sleeping with him, especially unprotected, you most likely could have gotten it from him. Was he the last guy you slept with before you had an Outbreak? How long did it take you to have an outbreak from the time you slept with him?

You may want to talk to him about it, especially if he was the last guy you slept with since finding out you have. Don't point fingers and if he tries to point the finger at you just blow him off until he can talk normally with you. Just remember: You're not alone and we've all felt the same way. The best way to feel better about it all is to educate yourself on the issue. Read these forums and check out the H websites. You can also do the H dating websites if you want to go that route.

The 2 main things that cause me to have an Outbreak are Chocolate and Coffee. Coffee I've cut out of my diet but chocolate is just too darn good. I'm sure it's different for everybody and the longer you have it the fewer outbreakes you have.

I just got back from Costa Rica and Europe too! It was a fun time.

[Lindsey Katt]

hi, thanks for your reply, well its really confusing because this year I was with guy #1 over last summer until oct. I think i had the same kind of pain for the first time when i was with him, he said he had nothing and he was a doctor so i thought he would be ethical, if i got it from him, im sure he knew he had it and didnt tell me. ok then i was in a relation ship for 6 months with guy #2, we had unsafe sex and he said he had been tested and had only slept with 2 other girls. then i went to costa rica and met guy #3 i think i was having this pain again in costa rica, we had unsafe sex. Im afraid i gave it to him, but wouldnt he of had an outbreak or something. ok and then i got tested 3 months after my last sexual contact with anybody. the doctors said i was infected 3 weeks ago, ok not possible, so they said well its strange because when you get herpes 2 you first get one antabody and then it goes away after a month and then you get another good antabody that your body makes and stays with you forever. my body hasnt made the second antabody and the doctors are really confused. also i never had some big bad outbreak, its just pain on the right side down there, barely can see anything, just a little bit of broken skin, nothing that bad, i didnt even know i had anything. so they said maybe its herpes 1 from oral sex.??? But they said if it was then it will go away after a couple outbreaks, well iv had this pain starting 10 months ago..??? So i dont know and i still dont know if i should go to costa rica, have you found that guys freak out and dont want to be with you when you tell them??? thanks

[cloud9r]

Determining who you got it from in some situations is pretty much impossible. This seems to be one of those. The point is that you have it and there's no sense in busting your brain trying to figure to out who you got it from because you'll never know 100%. If you're planning on going back to Costa Rica and staying with the guy that you've slept with then I would definitely tell him before I went. It would suck to tell him when you got over there then him not accept your situation and act all weird or whatever he would do.

If you tell a guy and he doesn't have already have it then it all depends. If he really likes you and sees your relationship together lasting long then he'll most likely be cool with it.

If he doesn't have it and just wants you for a physical relationship then he may or may not be upset and maybe act mad and not hook up with you anymore.

If he knows he has it then he'll probably keep things the way they are regardless of how he really feels about you.

I'm just tellin' it like it is. You should DEFINITELY talk to him about it before you go or even regardless if you go or not. If he's not sure if he has it tell him to get a type specific bloodtest and get back with you about the results.

[Gracie]

If you're emailing the guy in Costa Rica, that's the best way to tell him. While you're at it, send him lots of links so he can read up on it. Everyone has a different reaction but if you don't overreact chances are they won't either. Don't make it seem like a big deal and they probably won't freak out on you. Explain that if you did give it to him you did so unknowingly and not intentionally. The great majority of us get it that way. You may have gotten it from him or may have gotten it from someone else, that doesn't really matter right now. What matters is that you have safe sex EVERY time from now on, and you tell your partner BEFORE. If being with this guy is the only reason you want to go to Costa Rica, then you absolutely must tell him before you make plans to go. He has the right to know that he may have contracted it from you. Ditto for the other guys, they all need to know so they can prevent spreading it to their new partners! Take some time to let everything settle in before you make any plans, learn all you can about herpes and you'll see that it's a very manageable although misunderstood disease.

Best of luck to you,

Gracie