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fear or dating, whats going to happen to my sex life


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For the first time in my life I am out in the cold with dating and herpes. My former partner had it and I am no longer with him. I contracted the herpes from a rape and have never had to actually deal with the h talk before. I'm scare. I feel disguisting. I feel like i am never going to meet anyone who will love me with this. And I am depressed. What is going to happen to sex. Why is it that all the good things in this world have to be taken away. Since it wasn't really an issue when i was with my former boyfriend i never really thought about it, but i am thinking about it now and i feel dirty, i feel dirty around my family and dirty period. And the sad thing is we all have to live with this. Its not something that is going to go away. From what i have read in the medical front there is nothing being done to help us. yes there are clinical trial out there to prevent females from getting it with a shot, but not males, and that doesn't help me. That only further divides the population. Is there anything we can do as a community to get more drug trials going for us? The other thing is i'm so scared of telling potential partners and fear major rejection. The last guy i told told me i probably had AIDS too and wasn't fit to have children. I"m sorry i'm rambling, i'm just scared and don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

Thanks for listening!!!!!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I know how you feel. Our stories are somewhat similar. I contracted hsv1 genitally from a rape too!!!! I currently have a boyfriend who also has the virus, he contracted about 2 years after i did, or at least that is what i think, but i guess you can never be sure since half the ppl that have herpes dont even know that they do. so who knows? i feel so dirty, like no matter how many times i shower i will never be clean! I am just so affraid of what will happen if my current relationship does not work out. I have liked one guy other than my boyfrined but i was way too afraid to sacrifice what i have for someone who may walk away because of what i have! the guy is one of my really good friends still, and i know he has feelings for me too, but he doesn't know the whole truth about my situation!!!! sorry i am rambling too, but i know what it is like to be scared!!! But i guess u can look at it this way, if ur ex boyfriend could walk away with the hopes of finding someone else than i am sure u can too. there are many ppl out there with the virus that just don't say anything , and if someone cant accept u for who u are than it probably wouldn't work out even if u didnt have the virus, because that just shows that that person would not be able to love u unconditionally or stick by u in any tuff stiuation, so u don't need them anyways. I know this is easier to say than to believe, because i have a hard time even following my own advise!!!!! Just stay strong and pray for a cure, i mean if we can clone sheep and cure pollio and stick a man on the moon i believe we can find a cure. But who knows, we could have a cure and probably do, but i am sure there is way more money in treating herpes than what there would be to cure it. but we have to hang in there, because there is no way of chaning the past, we can only look toward the future!

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  • 3 weeks later...

yeah I have never showered so much in my life

I know what you mean about feeling dirty, I am still suffering from my first major OB & spend so long in the shower now, praying to wash the itch away. I think that I may have had H a few times b4, but nothing like this, so maybe I have just recently contracted it....& yes from unconsentual sex, the bastard, but one of those confusing situations that I really couln't call rape, even though it probably was, as I had let allowed him into my bed....but not agreed to unprotected penetration, which he then forced on me.....yuk, I got trichomonas from him & then a few weeks later THIS

I am lonely ( which is why I let that idiot into my bed i supose) &really want to have a good relationship. I guess it is a good test of how decent a man is if they can handle the fact that I have H. But I know that the lonliness comes from deep inside & must be cured before I can be ready for that right person

thanks for listening

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Life isn't over

I truly don't call myself an expert, but trust that your life isn't over. Yes, there are insensitive people out there, but if you find that you enjoy someone's company and you feel you can trust them, tell them and see how they react. I wouldn't get too concerned about the rejection because if they can't be kind enough to seek more information and consider your feelings, you probably don't want to be with that person anyway. I have found it to be quite nerve-wracking and have spent the better part of 10 years not very sexually active. When I did confide in someone with whom I wanted to be intimate, I was never rejected. Please have hope!


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  • 6 years later...

Herps is far from the end of your life.......There is no reason to fell dirty or beat yourself up.I found out that I got it when I was 16 yrs old and now I'm 31.I have had a lot of relationships and of course I don't just spread the word like everyone needs to know.But when you get close to someone and it comes time it is a lot easier to just let them see the facts for themselves and use common sense on whether they are the type of person who can handle being safe/causes or if they just want to f@$* everything that moves.In which case they will probably end up with it. I love my lady we have a great sex life.She is pregnant and she is not infected.Be smart and you will be fine and never feel dirty because it's pretty common. If it wasn't there wouldn't be sights like this.

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    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
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