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I know this may seem odd, but I need help, seriously. I need to learn. I have been spending time w/ someone and we have great feelings, we have known eachother for a while. She has put off really going out or dating for a while, but know we r aware of eachothers strong feelings. She informed me she has herpies, but is a carrier. She says she has too much respect for me and doesnt want me to get it. I care so much about her and think she is special, so much that i logged on to this site for help. I dont know where we will end up, but she is truley amazing. I have been reading all not, I need someone to help guide me on what to do. If I am with her, I am sure I will get it, b/c she never has symptoms or outbreaks, she has given it to someone else thats how she found she had it, and she will feel aweful if i get it.

What do I expect. I saw a picture of a man with the virus all over his face? Is this normal? Does it spread to other areas over time? Is it just sores and cold sores? I know it is different for everyone...severity...how often. Honestly, if it is not often I guess I can deal, thats how much i want to be with her. But I am afraid my face will be covered or i will be sick all the time...

I'm not being mean or judgemental, you all are strong people, I am truley seeking your help on this matter to learn. She wants to be w/ me but she told me she doesnt want me to go thru all the pain and sickness....what do i expect

Thank you for letting me write my feelings, please help!

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Hi rbf,

Thank you for writing me PM also. I'll reply from here, because it may help some others who are going through the same thing..

First of all, don't worry, those pictures you found on the internet are mostly the worst case. :-)

Besides, that she passed it to someone doesn't mean that you will definitely get it from her. But still, there is possibility, you should be prepared.

Usually, people get symptoms in one or two ( a couple of ) same places of their body, it doesn't spread so much. Plus, as time goes by, the symptom becomes milder. So it's not like what you're expecting right now. Again, don't worry...

Probably, you need to know and understand herpes a little more. Then you'll see that it's not that horrible thing.

There are many other ways to know each other more and to get closer each other more, than having sex. Take your time, and while you are getting to know her, think about this herpes issue, and talk about it with her. Until you both understand the risk, and understand what having sex really means, nurture your love in different ways.

I just feel that it's too soon for you to decide something at this point.

I think... everyone has some kind of problem that he/she is dealing with in life. When 2 people get together, those problems affect on partner's life more or less. That's why it's very important to make one's own problem as small as possible. Then it would be much easier for the partner to deal with it as a result.

As a herpes patient, I feel that herpes can cause mental damage more than physical one. But because of that, she (the girl you like) can do so much about it. While you are learning about herpes, she should know how to focus on the good side of having herpes, and she should know how valuable she is as a person. It must've taken a lot of courage for her to tell you about herpes... but she did it. We who have herpes and are here, all know how hard it is to do that. I believe that she is already very sincere and faithful to you in many ways.

Just don't rush.... the answer will come to you sooner or later.

No one knows where life will take you to. The best we can do is to live "now" with all our might.

After you take time and think through, if you still feel fear of getting herpes, tell her so honestly. I believe that she will understand. And you both will learn something very important from the experience. The time you guys spent together will never be waisted, no matter what answer you reach to. Just be honest..... that will take you both to each one's best place.

I haven't been here for a while, this forum has changed (looks different :D), but still... many heplful and good people are in this forum. Rich, Lasmom, Nik, Lovely, Cain, and many others.. I found so many great things through talking with them here. You will probably find something here, too.

Now I'm dealing with my father's sickness. He has cancer, and is getting chemotherapy now, and sometimes he suffers from strong side-effect. It's just hard to deal with the situation including his emotion and mine. But I'm doing it anyway. If I didn't experience herpes, if I didn't experience talking with people here, I wouldn't've dealt with it.

Having herpes gave me strength, patience, compassion, ..... everything that I needed. Now it guides me whenever I'm lost.

Anything would stand by you, only if you let it.

If you focus on the good side, you may find a different point of view... a different world.

Also, I thank you, for taking this issue seriously, and come here, try to study and learn about it.

I am sure that your sincerity, love and compassion will lead you to the best answer soon.

The girl you like.... she is lucky.. she met a person like you.

Best wishes....


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omg Faith, I want to cry....you are very sweet and honest. Let me just say that is what I think I needed to hear. I am here to learn and in the meantime I do want to be with her. And as scared as I seemed at first, I am learning now. Learning is accepting. It will take time to learn about her more too, but I can tell you this now, if this is true love, I don't think I can let it stop me or get in my way from the inevitable, it will happen. But only time will tell I guess. In the meantime I will learn and love, and be with her. When the moment is right we will know if it's meant to be, if so....she will support me through it all and by that time I hope to be ready to accept it. If we aren't meant to be, well that's ok, but I never turned my head away from her problem and I gave it a chance to work out. She is a great girl.

And faith you are a great woman for helping me!

Thank you dearly.


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How selfish of me. I know I pmed you back, but again, I wish you all the best too.

Please know that you and your father are in my heart and prayers. It is so unfortunate that has happened and I hope your father makes it through with the help of all your strength and support. You are a truly wonderful person and everything will turn out well.

Best wishes to your family, and thank you so much,


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Again, thank you so much for your caring words.

I just PMed you back, but one more thing....

Facing this issue like you are doing now, is facing true "you".

Everyhing that happens to us let us know how we really are, and who we really are. This is also a big chance for you to get to know yourself.

And I know it takes courage to face the problem like this, but you are doing that. You should be proud of yourself already...

Thanks again,

And please take care..


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