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What about our sex life?


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It's great to read about other people's experience with herpes.

But what about our sex lives? Does that change something? My boyfriend and I are waiting for his results. (I got mine yesterday...) If he has it too, I guess the problem is solved, I mean we can just have a normal sex life until one of us gets an outbreak. But what if he doesn't? Are we bound to condoms and paranoia for the rest of our lives?

What am I to do? I'd like to hear from people who have herpers and have normal sex lives, though I doubt that they still visit this website...

Thanks for your input!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was in a relationship with a man for over a year, after I was diagnosed. I told him at the beginning when I felt we came to the point of being intimate. He was completly ok with it, and we had a perfectly normal sex-life. For some odd reason I was outbreak free for the entire year [ diagnosed 3 years ago, first year had OBs, second year with him none, and many in the past year we have been broke up]. He did not contract the virus from me amazingly enough. Just goes to show that stress-free = fewer outbreaks lol. It depends on the peron you are with, I think. From what I have read here and from my own personal experience, a normal sex-life is possible and finding the right person is the most important thing.

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I was with someone for the past 4 years and we had a normal sex life. She did not get infected over that time. We were careful and that's the key. Now I'm back in the situation where I will have to tell some again when I meet the right person. The only 2 people I told did not have a problem with it, so I guess there is hope. Great site. Thanks.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
    • JackThrowAway
      She tested positive for HSV2. No, there was nothing of that sort in that area.   However I also have ulcerative colitis so I’m on medication that makes me immunosuppressed. I have been bleeding a bit when I pass stools during the time of redness, so I’m unsure if I’m getting a flare from the colitis (from all the stress of everything) or if it’s due to the virus making it’s way to an already inflamed area and popping up as blisters that I can’t see and hence the bleeding.    I had two equivocal results (at 4 weeks and 6 weeks) that then went to a positive result (7 weeks after exposure). Combine that with some flu symptoms, redness, tingling etc. makes me feel it’s conclusive that this points to a hsv2 infection.
    • Anonimus
      Thanks!!!!! I appreciate your help.
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