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I messed up and need advice

Lizzy79

By Lizzy79,
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Lizzy79 Honeycomb Member

Lizzy79

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I have been w/ my bf for a year now and he asked me about the virus last week. I told him that yes I do have it and I messed up by not telling him when we 1st started messing around. The 1st couple of times we had sex it honestly didn't cross my mind to tell him because I had forgot I even had it. I contracted HSV-1 genitally 2 yrs ago and never had another outbreak except the 1st one. About 2 months into our relationship we had stopped using protection and I saw a commercial for valtrex and I thought OH MY GOD I didn't tell him!!!! What do I do? So I thought about it and desided not to tell him, why I don't know I guess I was scared that he wouldn't except it. And now he knows and he is very hurt. He said he still loves me and still wants to be w/ me but he can't get over me lying to him for a year about something so important. Any advice about what I can do to make him feel better.

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Redford Honeycomb Member

Redford

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I guess it must be difficult for other people to understand what it is like to have H. I had the same experience myself earlier this week. A man that has been in my life since we have been kids, my best friend and also my boyfriend at a few points of time, turned his back on me. He came to my province to see me as we have been talking about getting back together over the past 7 monthes. I told him when he got here, and he was pretty upset about it. He was supposed to stay with me and we both decided it wasn't for the best. I just did not want him around because he kept asking how my sex life would ever be ok again...[ and I am thinking I WISH MY SEX LIFE WAS AS IMPORTANT TO ME AS IT IS TO HIM]. He just didn't seem to care what it has done to me living with this, and all he seemed to think about was if he could have contracted from me sleeping in the same bed as him during christmas [ we did not have sexual contact]. So in a way it shows a persons real colors, because he is not the person I thought he was.

So for you, if he is hurt, then he has to work through his feelings. Educate him on the virus, and explain that it is natural for people to forget they have it sometimes when they do not have recurrences. I went a year without an OB and honestly it was out of mind completly until I had another OB. You also need to forgive yourself...it was not intentional to avoid telling him.

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Lizzy79 Honeycomb Member

Lizzy79

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It wasn't intentional @ 1st but then one day after we has been together for a few months I saw a commercial that reminded me of the situation but instead of telling him then I waited for him to find out, well because I didn't think he would ever I find out, he says he still wants to be w/ me and he still loves me he just can't get over the fact that I lied to him about it 4 a year.

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ladybug Honeycomb Member

ladybug

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lizzy, i have a question, how did he find out, did you give H1 to him??? I also have genital 1 herpes, and iv read that it is not very contagious, so im curious if you passed it to him when you were not having an outbreak. thankyou

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Lizzy79 Honeycomb Member

Lizzy79

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He asked me about it. I don't know how he found out he wouldn't tell me but when he asked me I told him. I don't know if I passed it to him or not he hasn't went and been tested yet. We have been having unprotected sex for a year and he hasn't had any outbreaks so I don't think I passed it to him. I have had it for 2 yrs and never had another outbreak after the initial one.

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  • 3 months later...
Luanne Honeycomb Member

Luanne

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He asked me about it. I don't know how he found out he wouldn't tell me but when he asked me I told him. I don't know if I passed it to him or not he hasn't went and been tested yet. .

If he's not confiding in you about it, makes me wonder if he's wondering "who" he got it from? Does he have other girlfriends that you know of? Maybe he was just trying to figure out "who" gave it to him and he's in that "mixed emotion" mode and trying to sort it all out.

We have been having unprotected sex for a year and he hasn't had any outbreaks so I don't think I passed it to him. I have had it for 2 yrs and never had another outbreak after the initial one.

You could have been shedding........and not even know it.....

Luanne

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  • 2 weeks later...
Lizzy79 Honeycomb Member

Lizzy79

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are you taking any types of treatment? like valtrex or anything? or have you not been taking anything and still not had an OB since your first one?

No I am not on any type of suppressive therapy, never have been. I have type 1 in the gential area so the likely hood of having many recurrences at this point are slim, with as much time has passed, also considering that the inital outbreak was the 1 and only.

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Lizzy79 Honeycomb Member

Lizzy79

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If he's not confiding in you about it, makes me wonder if he's wondering "who" he got it from? Does he have other girlfriends that you know of? Maybe he was just trying to figure out "who" gave it to him and he's in that "mixed emotion" mode and trying to sort it all out.

You could have been shedding........and not even know it.....

Luanne

I understand that but he didn't come at me because he had an outbreak he came at me because he knew I had it and didn't tell him. I found out in October that my best friend was the one that told him and she did it because she thought it would cause problems and make them closer because she liked him. So it was not an issue of him contracting it from me he never had an outbreak he was upset that I didn't tell him myself. I offered to pay for him to be tested and he declined said it didn't matter because he already made up his mind that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He just wished I would have told him instead of finding out from someone else. But that he understood why I didn't tell him and how hard it must be to live with the burden. I explained how I contracted it and gave him lots of paperwork on the background of the disease, and read over it with him. He forgave me and we have moved on with our lives.
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Luanne Honeycomb Member

Luanne

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He said it didn't matter because he already made up his mind that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He just wished I would have told him instead of finding out from someone else. .

Ahhhhhh.....OK I guess I misunderstood :-) Thanks for the clarification. Well glad everything has worked out for you and so glad to hear you have such an understanding and forgiving boyfriend :-) Good luck to you.

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  • 1 month later...
needinfo Honeycomb Member

needinfo

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Lizzy79... You said you read somewhere there hsv1 is not very contagious. I also have not had anymore outbreaks, only an initial one. Should I really worry about passing it on to someone else sense the virus is dorment? Plus, it's not that contagious....

If I don't have an outbreak, should we really be worried about shedding?

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