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I just want to tell everyone out there that is afraid of dating, and afraid of "telling" that when you find a person deserving of you it will be OK!! I was very scared, and because of that didn't date for a long time. One blessing, Herpes made me look more closely at the person's character before getting involved with him, instead of just jumping into a relationship before really knowing the person. I have a bf now that is WONDERFUL, he's accepting and understanding. Yes, he was concerned when I first told him, he wanted to be more informed and educated on it. but he didn't run the other direction!! And he's still sticking around. (and YES, we are sexually active.) We're careful, no messing around when I'm experiencing any kind of prodrome or other symptoms.

I just wanted to let people here know that you don't need to be so scared, you're NOT going to end up ALONE because of this virus... Once I accepted it myself everything else just fell into place and life keeps getting better! :wink: so hang in there! I found that Herpes slowed me down enough to find the man that's perfect for me!!

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hi, thanks for your post, it help,.. but im have a question, im scared to begin a relationship, because I dont know how to take it slow and just get to know someone when a guy is trying to be with you and have a sexual relationship, what do you tell the guy, how do you explain to them that you like them but you dont want them to touch you!

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Hi LadyBug... I totally understand where you're coming from. (I think everyone here does) :wink:

I had dated guys who I really liked, and when they tried to make the relationship physical before I was ready to tell them ( I mean like on the first date), I told them that I wasn't ready for that yet, that I wanted to take things slowly to see where this was going to go. I know it sounds old fashioned, but I figure if I would've known then what I know now... I would've been more old fashioned a long time ago!! :roll: I'm not going to have sex with someone without telling them, and I'm not going to tell them unless I know that I can trust them (even if they decide that it isn't worth the risk for them, if I trust them it's a lot less likely that they'll freak out on me, and that they'll be understanding at least). One guy I dated, when I told him that I didn't want to move that fast, he said "fine, that's cool, ok, no problem".... then called me 2 days later saying he didn't know WHAT he wanted. I told him I knew exactly what I wanted, and I would accept nothing less than a monogamous relationship, and if that wasn't what he wanted, then we should just be friends. Well, turns out, he was still seeing his ex-gf, if I hadn't had herpes, I would've slept with him that nite, and then spent the next few weeks wondering why he was so sporaticly around, and then would've tried my hardest for him to choose ME over HER. THANK GOD I HAVE HERPES!!! Cuz I've been there, done that, and don't want to do it again! I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me exclusively. The way I look at it now, if a guy needs to have sex with you to keep dating you, then that's pretty much all he's looking for - sex.

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Hey cindylouwho, your so great and so right! thanks so much. Your post really makes me feel better,. Im still a little scared but its so true about a guy that wont stick around only wants sex and I dont want that! I guess the worst part is worrying that someone will decide not to be with me because of this little ity bity infection that is so not who I am. That will be heart breaking, I just hope im strong enough..... :roll:


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You ARE Strong!


And don't worry, if someone really cares about you, this virus isn't going to be the deciding factor for whether or not they choose to be with you.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

-Helen Keller

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You also have some really great posts, and Ladybug, it sounds like you are definitely moving in the right direction, congrats!!

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thanks Friend of H Girl...

I know some of your posts have helped my bf :D

And LadyBug, I'm looking forward to seeing a post by you in the future telling us all about the great relationship you've found! ( cuz I know you will find it) :wink:

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  • 1 month later...

In response to an older message you posted, you are so right. Good things can come out of bad situations, and ironically, telling a potential partner that you have this is a very effective screening tool. It does bring out a persons true charater , and allows you to avoid a bad or wrong relationship before it starts. Your advice is always good. I enjoy reading your posts. Thanks !

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From the other side....

You wrote: "I do, however, need to overcome my feelings that my world is somehow now limited."

The world is SO not limited. There are people out there who will recognize all of the wonderful qualities that you and other people with "H" possess. Have you ever bought a car and then seen that car everywhere? Well, you see the car that you have all of a sudden noticed popping up everywhere is one that has been there all along....in abundance, you just never noticed as you were too busy concentrating on something else. In other words it was the 'reality' or 'notion' or 'belief' of that car in the forefront of your mind that attracted your mind to only seeing THAT car. In other words, what we believe to be 'true' shall be. If you believe that there is a scarcity out there of people who won;t accept you, then for some strange reason (and this is the way the universe tends to work), you will attract that. However, if you believe that people WILL accept you and that while yes this is a slight change in lifestyle from an intimate standpoint, it is NO way impairing you from LIFE itself.

Try to entertain the possibility (well it is a fact actually), that there are MANY people (I am one fo them) who do not have "H", and will gladly educate themselves on it BEFORE they make any decision about leaving. In my opinion, that will NOT be the reason for them leaving you. I n other words, it would have been something else if it wasn't "H".

Looking at it as a gift: Well, you are a little evolved person aren't you! THAT is exactly the way one can look at it. ANd you know what, if you do look at it like that, then a gift it shall be. You will attract someone in your life who, won't mess you around or lead you up the garden path. It is almost like a "looser detecter", one that we non-"H" sufferers don't have!! So, yes it is a gift in that sense. Furthermore, I feel that "H" has brought my boyfriend and I closer together -faster! Sharing this information up front is 'alot'. Once I was able to digest it , educate myself about it WITHOUT making him feel bad about having it....I was like yeah, this is going to be okay. Real love is real. If i ever left my boyfriend (which will be highly unlikely), he can rest assured that it has nothing to do wth "H".

One other pointer: I have been studying Architecture and we have had to look at a study for designing institutions for 'disabled persons' and 'visions impaired persons'. These people are so brave. I had to experience what it was like to be in a wheel chair for the day and wear these terrible glasses that prevented me from seeing. Also, I have a friend in NYC (I am an aussie) and she is 29 (like me), attractive, active woman. SHe falls off a ladder that she was standing on to paint her walls, lands on her head and is now a in a wheel chair with total loss of all of her motor skills and has to have a care taker lift her out of bed every morning.

I realise that it is your situation that you only know that is the worst for you. But compare that to what you have and can still do. THANK GOD you only get a few little blisters every now and again and can still live a normal life. Trust me, people who are smart won;t let this come between you and them. If they do, you have to ask yourself if they are really worthi it? WOuld they stand by you in WORSE times? Probably not.

Believe that you are WORTH it. Don;t ever just settle! ANYTHING is possible if you believe.


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    • CHT
      Hi Marlena..... since you stated you've had "herpes on the lips" then you likely have oral HSV1, which the majority of adults worldwide have... the fact your results for HSV1/2 are positive (at least I believe that's what your results show - I don't speak Polish but, I think I'm seeing your results are positive based on the attachment you included) may simply be reading the fact that you have HSV1.... the question is whether you've contracted HSV2 in your genital area. Your description of symptoms could possibly be related to HSV but, it's difficult to verify with certainty based on your description. You may also have contracted a different type of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or a simple fungal infection.   Your doctor does not believe what he/she is seeing is HSV but, unless your doctor has experience with HSV, they could easily misdiagnose your condition.  You need full STI testing. Do you have the option to travel to a larger city in Poland where you could get an appointment to be seen by a doctor with more experience with STIs?  You really need to have an experienced doctor take a look and run tests to check specifically for HSV2 as well as other STIs.  If they can rule out HSV2 or other STIs then hopefully they can then determine what is causing the redness, itching, and swollen condition.... again, it may not be HSV2 but, you need proper testing to verify.  Have you talked to your boyfriend about all this?  Has he had any symptoms on his genitals that are suspect?  Has he taken any tests to check for STIs?   I hope you can get more definitive testing so you know what you are dealing with and how best to treat it.  If you have any other questions/concerns, please come back and let us know.... I hope this helps a little.... best of luck.... take care.
    • CHT
      Hey Jeremy.... I know only too well that emotional pain you are feeling.... I really do.... and many of us on this site also know that pain.  It's not so much the physical side of having HSV that hurts, it's the stigma and risk of rejection that stings like hell!  You have to do what you think is right as it relates to when you disclose your HSV status when getting to know someone romantically.... I just think it's best to do it relatively early, and certainly before any sexual activity.   Have you looked into dating sites that cater to those with HSV?  I know others have had some luck with meeting partners on these sites.... you don't have to worry about the "disclosure" talk nor would you obviously have to worry about passing along a virus the other person already has.... take a few minutes and search around and see if it's an option you like. By the way, by taking your daily antiviral med and using a condom, your risk of passing along the virus is down around 1.9%.... pretty good odds that if you stick to your regimen you are very unlikely to transmit the virus....keep that in mind when you meet your next girlfriend and need to have "the talk."  That statistic might help calm any concerns about contracting the virus from you. I hope you don't give up.... as tough as it can be to find the right partner, it's still worth trying.... try to stay optimistic and look into some alternate options and see what happens.... all the best.... take care.
    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
    • Marlena
      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
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