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Please Help. How do we adjust if we both have herpes.

Guest Justin8

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Guest Justin8

Thanks for reading this.

Can anyone give me specific answers to some or all of these questions? Few people have written anything that directly answers these questions.

My girlfriend and I have recently been diagnosed with HSV2 and Im getting more secure that we can still have a normal relationship with a few adjustments but I want to know what can we do and what can we not do.

Outside of an outbreak where I understand nothing should happen, can we still have unprotected oral sex without the risk of getting mouth sores. ?

It is true that if we ever have unprotected sex it could give her an outbreak?

What Im getting at is just how much do we need to adjust from our normal freeing and deepening lovemaking.

Please respond with whatever experience you can offer. Its clear there are many wonderful people on this site that have great hearts and courage not to mention experience that helps so many people and through reading has helped me feel a lot better about the rest of my life.


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This is a response that I received concerning my worries about the same question. Although there are different opinions, I believe this one to be valid. Hope it helps.

Thank you for contacting the Herpesnet Email Response Service; we are glad to be of service to you. We are a program of the American Social Health Association, a non-profit organization, and are dedicated to educating people about oral and genital herpes.

With regard to your concerns about transmission, we will first discuss oral sex. Performing oral sex on a partner would have no bearing on one's genital diagnosis. When an individual has genital herpes, the virus lies dormant in the bundle of nerves at the base of the spine. When the virus reactivates, it travels nerve paths to the surface of the skin, sometimes causing an outbreak. The nerves in the genitals, upper thighs and buttocks are connected; therefore, a person can only experience outbreaks in any of these areas. Even if a person were having symptoms genitally, she or he could perform oral sex on a partner or kiss someone.

In regard to receiving oral sex from your partner, it would not be possible for the partner to contract genital herpes. It would only be possible to contract oral herpes in this situation. However, even this would be unlikely, as most cases of genital herpes are caused by HSV-2, which rarely affects the mouth or face. Also, and even more importantly, most adults already have oral herpes so it is often a moot point. It is estimated 50% to 80% of the adult population in the U.S. already has oral herpes, with as many as 90% of adults having the virus by age 50. Most people contract oral herpes when they are small children by receiving a kiss from a friend or relative who has oral herpes. While some individuals develop symptoms soon after contracting the virus, others may take years. Although it is possible to contract oral herpes by performing oral sex on someone who has genital herpes, it is unlikely, and it is important to keep in mind that an individual risks contracting oral herpes each time he or she kisses another person on the lips.

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    • EssenceL25
      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 there really isn't a question mark around the source, it's your latest partner. The median time from infection to an outbreak of lesions upon initial infection is 4 days.  The only thing that isn't certain is the type I suggest.
    • EssenceL25
      I asked if it was hsv 1 or 2 and the doctor said it was Hsv2. I’m not sure i just asked him when he was tested last he said this year I said I think we should go test together and he agreed . I’m going to bring it up again cause I really need to know if he gave this to me I wasn’t sure since it was so close to my previous relationship.
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 then it is all beyond reasonable doubt that the current partner is the source. A 'perfect' fit in terms of timing, symptoms and swab. It may be though that the type is not technically known. Culture swabs are very often not typed and just assumed to be HSV-2 if taken from a genital location. If you received oral sex in the days leading into 7 March then it is 50/50 as to whether this is HSV-1 or HSV-2. You could contact your doctor and confirm if the swab was actually typed (which is a second test where fluorescent antibodies for HSV-1 and HSV-2 are added and see which one 'glows').  If that test wasn't done then you do not know type. If you have oral HSV-1 yourself (cold sores) then this will be HSV-2. Does your partner have oral HSV-1? It is somewhat strange for him not to rush and test - many people have a 'reaction' if they truly do not know their status and have concerns that you infected them etc. (not initially rational of course). This indicates he may know his status - or maybe he just isn't simply the sharpest tool in the shed!?
    • EssenceL25
      I had flu like symptoms and ulcers on my vagina . They did a culture and I tested positive for hsv2. I asked my partner to get tested he agreed but I’m not sure if he will cause he hasn’t said anything else about it. 
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