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Jake

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Hello, I'm new here and I thought I'd just say "hi". I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 1 month ago. I'm not sure where I got it from but that's life I guess.

My problem is the issue of telling women I have herpes. I know I need to inform them, I'm just worried that I may lose out on someone because of it. I'd hate to not tell them and that person become infected though, so I guess I have to, I'm just not sure how.

I took a woman out for our first date last night, and she wanted to sleep with me, but I had to stop her and I told her I needed to wait for a bit. I can't keep putting women off all the time, but I'd rather not have the whole city know I've got herpes. Damn. :?

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HI JAKE, first of all WELCOME to the forum! Your right you have to tell a person that you have H before you sleep with them. Having this might change things a little, but not nessasarily for the bad. you probably wont be able to sleep around, like one night stands. but this isnt that bad cause if the chick from last night wanted to screw you the first night, how often must she do that? you dont want to get HPV or HIV or something do you? Having this virus makes us look closer at the character of a person, you can find a great girl who understands and your sex life wont change. you just have to take things slower now. You will beable to tell someone when you know that person cares for you and doesnt just want sex. since your a guy theres a chance maybe that you also just want sex sometimes but now that you have the virus you have to be responsible so you dont spread it to a unsuspecting girl :( . I hope this helps even if its not what you want to hear :roll: good luck

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I hope this helps even if its not what you want to hear :roll: good luck

Thanks for the welcome. I think I must have not made my meaning clear. I don't want to whore around, I'm just saying if I want to keep the fact I have herpes quiet, I find it difficult to think of ways to delay sex without tipping them off. I mean, most guys I know don't say to women "Can we wait a while?" :p

I don't think there's any advice that anyone can give me, I think I'm just sort of thinking out loud, so to speak.

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  • 2 weeks later...

maybe a stupid answer?

Maybe it's old fashioned or stupid, take your pick, but I have more respect for guys who don't rush things. I know lots of guys who don't jump into bed on the first date. I don't know how they let women know that though, sorry.... Part of this is probably my mind set, so please don't think I"m being rude or judgemental. BUt there are women out there who will actually respect your wish to wait a bit... And I'd imagine there are lots of reasons for wanting to wait (Though for those of us with H, it always seems to be first into the mind). argh. :)

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okay...this is my first post. i found this site tonight after searching the web for support resources. i decided to respond to this particular post because i could identify with you jake...even though i am a woman :wink: and....i read a couple of posts before this...and i liked everything you have said, ladybug! :)

i have only been diagnosed for about three to four months. i was dating a man for eight months. about six months into our relationship i developed a tiny sore...two days after we had sex. we both had been tested for everything else and came up neg. i have never had a std before. he thinks he gave it to me...i think so too....but one never really knows...it could have been dormant in me.

ANYWAY! we broke up about eight weeks ago. i am starting to date a little, and i am totally freaking out. i liked what you said ladybug...about going slow...i like that idea. i know intellectually that if i find someone i like, and go to the next level...and he doesnt accept it...then i dont want someone like that anyway! but i am embarrassed and ashamed of this :oops: even though i have very good coping skills as a rule....

jake...i wanted you to know this, though. one of the guys that i am going to have a date with this week...has been celibate for two years. he is a professional athlete...in fitness magazines, etc. he made that personal choice because he decided that he did not want to sleep around. i respect him for that. very much. so...dont fret...i think it is all in the way you deliver the message. if you are embarrassed, they will sense it....if you are proud of your decision and are upfront and honest...those are qualities that most women admire and want in a man.

this virus...it just sucks! honestly...i hate this. i really need this forum and some help. i am going to read all the other posts... :(

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