Help! My boyfriend is exhibiting symptoms.

[cestmoi]

I have had herpes for 23 years. I always tell my potential partners before sex and let them decide. I haven't lost one or passed it on to anyone yet...until now, I fear.

Two weeks ago we had a vigorous lovemaking session after a week-long separation. We were both sore from the friction, but two days after that, I started getting itchy...classic symptoms of a yeast infection. I told him that I had a yeast infection and he said, "is that why I'm itchy down there too?" Somewhat worrying, but I thought maybe I'd passed a yeast infection on to him (or him to me). I gave him some antifungal cream to apply to the red, rashy area on his penis and scrotum. He also complained that the skin on his penis was very dry and scaly with whitish patches. No blisters though, and no pain...just itchy. A day after this, I suddenly had very tender lymph glands on both sides of the groin area...which are normally classic symptoms of a herpes outbreak for me. Alarmed, I made an appointment with my doctor, who examined me and found no herpes lesions at all. I didn't even have yeast...it must have already cleared up after two days of medication (but I was still red and itchy). I asked her about my boyfriend's symptoms and she said it's probably just dry skin, that lesions are lesions and he would definitely know it if he had an outbreak. She recommended that he get tested to put our minds at ease or confirm once and for all. Of course he didn't. I went away for another week and expected his symptoms to be gone so we could get back to our normal sexual activity and was dismayed when he said that it was still there...only something worse had happened.

He had masturbated a couple of days ago and was extremely alarmed to find that there were several tiny pinprick sized blisters on the shaft of his penis just under the lip of the head. With his erection these blisters burst and he found himself in considerable discomfort...followed by extreme itching that night and all the next day. I had a look at the area and sure enough there are three tiny little red bumps there.

From what I've been reading, it looks almost certainly like this is an initial herpes outbreak, which might explain why it's lasted so long. I haven't, however, come across anything about the dry, itchy skin on the penis that he experienced. And this outbreak is quite mild and not painful as I've seen them described. (Certainly my initial outbreak was brutal...I was actually hospitalized!) There is the fact that he has HSV I...cold sores on the mouth and I believe that when a person has this virus, they are less affected by the HSV II.

I feel just awful about passing this virus on to him...I feel like typhoid Mary...even though he had all the facts up front and chose for himself. At this point he is thinking of himself and has withdrawn somewhat, which is understandable. I am worried sick about him and feel responsible. This could have major repercussions on our relationship - we care a lot for each other but it is only 4 months old and somewhat tenuous. If it is herpes, he will have to deal with the fact that he will have to tell every sexual partner he has for the rest of his life...on the bright side, if we are to "make it", this won't be a concern. Conversely, if it isn't herpes, we've just had an eye-opening experience and he will most likely be reconsidering his options and may choose to "get the heck out of dodge" while he can...now that he knows how he would really feel about contracting this virus. I love this guy and want to support him as best I can...and I don't want to lose him.

Any advice, information or support you can offer would be most gratefully appreciated. Thank you.