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Cold Sore Scar-Suicide


SurviveAndThrive

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SurviveAndThrive

Let's preface things so you can understand my mindset: I am 24 years old, a virgin, good-looking, healthy, intelligent, witty, smart, talented, great career, ability to be friends with anyone, genuinely a great-hearted guy. And I am a problem solver. If you met me a few months ago, you would say wow! This guy is really wise beyond his years. He has his shit figured out.

Nothing scares me, except for incurable STD's.

I'm very close to killing myself because of the cold sore virus. It has been the bane of my existence. I got my first one before I even kissed a girl. It has haunted me throughout my adolescence and young twenties. I managed to suppress the virus for five years and during this time I experienced great personal growth and I reversed years of psychological damage I did to myself. I probably kissed over 40 women during this time and had lots of foreplay! But never had sex.

Yes, I'm still a virigin. Haha. The truth is, I could pull any girl I want. I've had girls in my bed begging for sex but I've been afraid of giving them the virus. I just can't see myself giving someone the virus. Especially when people are suing and socially stigmatizing. That would be hell. Plus I have slight OCD and germophia. But I was getting so much better. I was getting over it. I was becoming the best version of myself.

Come January, I had a cold sore. It healed perfectly; I got over it. And moved on stronger than ever. I met the girl of my dreams and we were totally into each other. A few days before our third date I accidentally hit myself in the lip during sleep. Paranoid I could give her the virus, I resisted sex after hours of foreplay. She begged me and I resisted out of concern for her health. She lost all interest and told me to stop calling.

I moved on. Then I got another cold sore on my top lip, a place I have never gotten one. I figured out some dietary causes of my sores and decided that after this one was healed, my nightmare would be over.

While cleaning the sore, the scab came off early. I thought it would heal. It didn't. It's been over a month since it "healed." The area is now, a. red, b. the place where the scab came off is indented and feels funny, sometimes itchy.

The whole area doesn't feel right. I can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop touching it and looking at it.

To solve this problem I've:

a. tried vitamin e

b. tried Neosporin

c. went to doctor A, she tested me for HIV and said I was fine and it was a scar

d. went to doctor B. She thought it was a scar but maybe still infective. She gave me a 10-day course of Acycolvir. Nothing changed.

The scar has only faded marginally. I can tell it will stay this way. This happened once before, only another cold sore came a year later, and healed correctly in the same area. My skin didn't heal correctly this time and I don't play on getting other cold sores.

I am left with a red mark of the herpes on my lip. And the area around it is discolored as well. Now people will question me. Now I am constantly reminded of the nightmare of my life, the bane of my existence, the thing that has stopped me for over ten years from being my natural self. Jesus, my life would be so much different if I was one of those people who doesn't get cold sores. It's not fair. I've done everything right. I've tried to solve this problem from every angle. I've shown concern for people's health and well-being. I just don't see the point in life if I can't be free and loving.

HERES HOW YOU CAN HELP. I NEED QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS.

1. Has anyone ever experienced this scarring on their lip that I have? Is it still there? Has it got better? How can I solve this problem? I'm trying Bio Oil and Scar Zone currently.

2. Will my skin shed more now because it's a scar and not normal skin? Am I putting people at greater risk?

There are only two solutions I see at this point.

1. Kill myself. I haven't been myself for nearly ten years. It took me five years to just about mentally get over this damn thing. Now I'm left with a permanent scar. I don't know what psychological damage this will have on me. Assuming it takes me five years, that will put me at a 29 year old virgin with a history of herpes and scars. I don't want to be that loser. My natural being is so much more glorious than that.

2. Lie to myself. Take preventative measures to minimize sores. If I get another, I'm going on preventative Valtrex. Tell myself that the scar was from an assault ( I did get assaulted in January). Tell everyone that. Plead ignorance if I end up giving this damn virus to someone else. Live in a state of heaven, of bliss, of denial.

Unfortunately, until they have a cure. These are my two options. I wonder what you people on the forum will have to say to me. You are very against those who spread it, you villanize them, you add to the stigma. But if it's someone like me, I don't really have a choice. I did nothing wrong and I got cold sores. I have a fucking scar. I'm still a virgin and I need to just lose it. Even if it puts someone else at risk.

I hate this fucking virus. There are people that eat like shit, smoke, have unprotected sex, treat others like dirt, and they don't have to deal with this shit.

I exercise, meditate, take vitamins, donate money to charity, stay away from drugs, don't smoke, loving to friends, neighbors, and strangers.

I do everything I can for myself and others, and I get a herpes scar! Really? Really world? This is my worst nightmare, I am in hell. I can't feel anything anymore, I can't think anymore, my work performance is slipping, I will probably get fired soon, and I'm alone.

I would rather have genital herpes. Then at least I could enjoy the first date of kissing, or every other activity, without freaking out. I don't mind telling someone once I know them. But to have a perma-herpes scar on my lip that I can constantly feel and see. This thing might still be contagious? That's unfair. When life is unfair, I don't want to play the game. I'm done.

I can't talk about this, I can't go meet girls, I can't call up girls in my phonebook, I can't play beer pong with the boys, I can't get close to anyone or they'll see my scar. I really don't see the point in life. Yes, it can be great. But it can be hell. I've done everything I can to make my life great, but this is the last straw. I can't fix this. And it is causing me unbearable suffering. If an animal is in pain and has no chance of getting better you put it out of its misery, that's what I plan on doing to myself.

I don't want my family to know. I will write them a letter explaining how I decided to make a social experiment with my life by living life as a vagrant, traveling the globe, yada yada yada. Then I will travel somewhere in nature and kill myself. I will actually be very happy out there. No one to judge me. No one to make fun of me. No one to reject me. No one for me to harm. No misery for me to impart on the world.

Questions, comments, concerns, advice? What do you think? What can I use on my scar? Should I kill myself? Should I live in a state of denial and spread herpes around?

I hate my life. Fuck this.

-Lost :confused:

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Calm down my man.

First of all if you are having thoughts of suicide, serious thoughts of it PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY. Tell someone, a family member, friend or co-worker. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP. Posting suicidal threats on an internet forum is not the right way to get the kind of help you need. You need to see a professional, I am not trying to be derogatory or mean, I am pleading with you, if you are serious walk don't run to see a psychologist or psychiatrist of some sort. Also i may suggest calling a counselor from the suicide hotline try 1-800-SUICIDE (not kidding that is the number) or 1-800-273-TALK please do not attempt suicide.

Secondly, at your age 30% of people your age have HSV-1 oral or genital. So the easy solution is find someone who already has hsv-1. The number may be higher from 14-49yr old slightly more than 1 in 2 Americans have it (58%). The number skews a bit older though, as you get older your chances increase. In other countries the prevalence is considerably higher (with a few rare exceptions). Just tell whoever you are dating you get a cold sore now and again see how they react. Can't hurt. Unless you have it genitally you cant transmit it during vaginal intercourse, only oral sex. Furthermore if the person already has HSV-1 its unlikely they will contract genital HSV-1 from you performing oral sex. OK?

Thirdly, you can simply take suppress acyclovir or valtrex if it is ruining your life. Famvir is also an option if those two don't work for you. Acyclovir is quite cheap even w/out insurance you can get a month's supply for the cost of a good dinner out.

Fourth, why were you tested for HIV if you are a virgin? Are you an intravenous drug user?

Fifth, go see a dermatologist they may be able to remove the scar. I'm sure its not as bad as you think. I have many cold sore scars on my entire face most people cant tell it from acne.

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Please don't end your life. I know it is really hard but ending your life is not the answer. You can still live a normal life with Herpes. You just have to get to a point where you are comfortable with yourself and accept what you have. You can't spend your days worrying about what other people may think or say. I see many people with cold sores in public and they act as if there's nothing there and that's what you should do. There are many people on this forum that have oral herpes and have found love. I have genital herpes and there are a few people who still want to be with my sexually, knowing my status. Why? Because herpes does not make me. I have a great personality and a lot to offer a person. Something that I'm sure you've probably already read is that the stress is not helping you. Stressing over this may be the cause of your prolonged healing. When I initially found out I had Herpes, it took over a month for me to have some relief, outbreaks back to back. I believe this was due to the fact that I was extremely depressed and stressed. Since I have come to accept what I have and started to love myself, my obs are barely noticeble. So, please, don't end your life. I know you said you don't want to tell anyone, but this may help you, it sure helped me. You need to be able to talk to someone and get all of this off your chest. I would suggest you seek counseling. I've been where you are, thinking about suicide. If you don't talk to someone, it will consume you. So, please seek some counseling or find someone you can confide in.

Keep your head up and know that you are not alone.

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Stop it with the suicide talk. Like ntdc says, if it is a real thought you need to get help immediatey. Then come back and read the rest of our posts and I dearly hope to get a new look at this thing.

22 years ago when I first had to face the dating scene and I knew I would have to tell girls about my genital herpes before exchanging bodily fluids with them I distinctly remember having the thought that maybe this stupid herpes was some kind of damned blessing in disguise.

In America and several other countries there is this ridiculous "normal" behavior about how quickly people who barely know each other should start sticking their tongues down each others throats and then get to the real sex real quick. In a way I am glad I have this stupid virus. It forces me to act responsibly and not act stupid. There are much much much much much worse things I could get from other people. Things that involve a lot of pain and a lot more symptoms.

If doctors can put a new face on a woman I am sure they could do something for you if it was that critical for you. I don't know, of course, about the people you look up to but I am sure that the Pope or the Dalai Lama, or Mother Theresa could not have cared less if they had had visible sores.

Are you there and listening tonight? If so I will continue to discuss this with you. I am here. I am willing to help.

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SurviveAndThrive

I really do appreciate the replys. It is nice to know that there is some humanity left in the world.

I was tested for HIV because it have been getting much sicker than usual this winter, flu, cold sores, etc. The doctor wanted to make sure that my immune system was functioning properly.

The problem with my scar and cold sores is that I had gotten over this whole situation-physically and mentally.

My "5 year journey". I improved myself physically and mentally. I did seek counseling for my cold sores. I was resolved, relaxed, and ready to live life fully. Then I got two outbreaks in three months, strangely my second oubreak was much stronger, and a scar that will last me for a long time, possibly life.

And there is always the issues of whether this scar is contagious or not. I suppose it's not, as that's what the two doctors said. And the course of Acyclovir, in which nothing changed, proves that.

I'm not crazy, I'm just very analytical. And from an analytical viewpoint, this herpes virus does not make sense. The social sigma attached to it is horrendous. There's a lot of information about my situation, but no answers.

From an analytical viewpoint it doesn't make sense for me to continue living if I am not enjoying myself. There are only so many resources to go around and I don't mind letting others have them. I can only enjoy my life if I am free and loving. How can I do that now? I can't play beer pong with my friends and relatives? I can't kiss anyone I want to? I can't pursue my dream of competing in martial arts (injury to mouth=cold sores). I can't push myself in extreme sports (stress=cold sores). I have to minimize beer. Etc, etc, etc. Too many restrictions...

I wish I was completely ignorant about this thing and everyone else was. Life would be so much more enjoyable....

Like I said, the only way I can be at peace....is to find a method of prevention, which I believe I have. And to lie to myself about the scar. Knowing that it came from herpes is already causing extensive psychological damage. I can only tell myself that the scar is from an assault. It makes me feel world's better.

I really do appreciate the advice and concern. I agree that suicide should be a last resort, but it is a resort...

Any advice on getting rid of a lip scar? If this thing was half as bad, I would be 100x as happy and suicide would seem like a terrible idea.

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I am sure that the Pope or the Dalai Lama, or Mother Theresa could not have cared less if they had had visible sores.

LOL couldn't you have picked 1 person who was not celebrate for your list.

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SurviveAndThrive

Mr. Honest,

Thanks for your help. But I feel our situations are very different. I would not mind having genital herpes. If I did, I would definitely go on suppressive medicine. And I would be able to tell after fully proving my competence in dating and kissing. And you don't need to worry about ppl at work and family members judging and staring at you.

Oral HSV1 and the scar is a whole different story. I now have this thing on my lip permanently, from HSV-1. A constant reminder. Maybe the area is slightly more contagious now. Who knows. Do I have to tell girls about my HSV-1 and scar before I kiss them? That will surely scare them away. I can't play beer pong. Family members and strangers can judge and stare. Nothing sexy about cold sores.. Most ppl have it, but only the lucky 10 percent like me show it. If I tell people, most will be ignorant and reject me. I know this. If I don't, I risk spreading it to others.

I want to find a solution tonight. Here's what I've got.

1. My scar is not contagious. I can slowly fade it by using Scar Zone and Bio Oil. It will always feel a little weird, there will always be a little bump. It will get slighly better with time, but may never go away.

2. I can prevent my cold sores with yogurt, lysine, zinc, b vitamins, and zinc. If I get another one, I will add preventative anti virals.

3. Since the scar is not contagious, I need to remove the stigma. I will tell myself it is from an assualt.

Here are my questions:

Can I play beer pong? Share glasses, etc. when there is not a sore?

Can I kiss a girl I like without warning her?

When do I tell her I get cold sores? Do I need to mention my scar situation?

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I am very analytical as well. Can be over analytical. I have had some OCD issues that caused me great distress. With my recent marriage separation and big lifestyle changes I am getting the upper hand against them.

What do you think about the children and adults that have burn scars over some of or over their entire face? Or people that have large discolorations over their entire face? These large groups of people and many more have the same stresses to face, and many overcome them by really really looking hard at what is important in life.

Just to over exaggerate a little, but what would you think about changing your whole life style, moving to Africa and helping the children who are skin and bones, and need someone to feed them because they cannot do it for themselves anymore?

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I was tested for HIV because it have been getting much sicker than usual this winter, flu, cold sores, etc. The doctor wanted to make sure that my immune system was functioning properly.

Did you not tell him you were a virgin? Seriously I was having actual symptoms of HIV and they refused to test me I had to get one my self. Your doctor sounds a bit shaky if hes worried about that for real.

I'm not crazy, I'm just very analytical.

If you are having uncontrollable thoughts of suicide you need to seek help. It doesn't make you crazy it just means you need help. Seriously if you are really considering it go to the ER right now, they can help you.

I really do appreciate the advice and concern. I agree that suicide should be a last resort, but it is a resort...

No it isn't that is just foolish, please get help.

Any advice on getting rid of a lip scar? If this thing was half as bad, I would be 100x as happy and suicide would seem like a terrible idea.

YES i already told you go see a dermatologist or a plastic surgeon it's very likely they can fix the scar. These scars fade naturallyafter a year or so for most people without treatment.

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LOL couldn't you have picked 1 person who was not celebrate for your list.

I can only think so quick. And by the way, you really cannot know about peoples histories.

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SurviveAndThrive

Not uncontrollable thoughts of suicide, more like uncontrollable thoughts of "is this scar contagious, why isn't it healing", etc. The suicide is only one option of a solution to that problem. I will not be doing it as a spontaneous thing. I will try every solution possible before that reaches. Honestly, I'm probably more likely to embrace spreading this virus than to commit suicide, as fucked up as that sounds. I just need to embrace a solution. Why can't there just be a cure? Grrrr...

HIV test? Well, you can get it from oral sex technically. If you tell a doctor you're sexually active, they'll test you.

I feel immense sympathy for those that have extensive burn scars of other things of that nature. The discrimination they receive is horrendous. I am always kind, friendly, and fun to everyone. I'm all about having a good time. Which is why this is so difficult for me. Spreading something to someone is the antithesis of a good time. This whole situation is really against my nature. I can see why ethics go out the window for some people.

Yes, I think about those less fortunate than myself. And I would like to help. But sadly, I realize that the solution to widespread disease and famine can only be solved on a much larger scale. It must be done with funding and innovation.

The possible herpes cures are something that give me great hope. If I can someone create a mental state which works for me for 5-10 years, there shoulud be something that guarantes protection from passing this thing on and getting more damn scars.

...Funnily enough, I think a scar would be cool if it was from anything else. Guys are supposed to be beat up anyways..eg Clint Eastwood.

I just hate being contagious, I hate seeing things get worse...my cold sore virus has been getting weaker, until these past few months. Now it scared me, makes me scared to what my next outbreak might be like if I'm wrong about what caused the outbreaks.

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Mr. Honest,

Thanks for your help. But I feel our situations are very different. I would not mind having genital herpes. If I did, I would definitely go on suppressive medicine. And I would be able to tell after fully proving my competence in dating and kissing. And you don't need to worry about ppl at work and family members judging and staring at you.

I hope I get this quote thing right.

I have rare outbreaks now. But if we get to less important things a bit later on here, I can tell you how intense my older outbreaks were, and how intense they could be on someone that I could give HSV2 to who has a lesser immune system.

One thing that I personally am not going to do is get to the point of kissing women without them knowing and accepting me first. I will not subject myself or the woman to the upset of really really liking each other and then having the whole thing fall apart because of this. I know you have a lot of stress over this now but THIS is not HIV, not AIDs, not cancer with painful radiation therapy and people that stare at your hairless and bony appearance. This is more like being ugly. And while I am not trying to be too cute or insensitive here - there are a lot of very ugly people in this world that get stared at and ridiculed all the time.

Oral HSV1 and the scar is a whole different story. I now have this thing on my lip permanently, from HSV-1. A constant reminder. Maybe the area is slightly more contagious now. Who knows. Do I have to tell girls about my HSV-1 and scar before I kiss them? That will surely scare them away. I can't play beer pong. Family members and strangers can judge and stare. Nothing sexy about cold sores.. Most ppl have it, but only the lucky 10 percent like me show it. If I tell people, most will be ignorant and reject me. I know this. If I don't, I risk spreading it to others.

I want to find a solution tonight. Here's what I've got.

1. My scar is not contagious. I can slowly fade it by using Scar Zone and Bio Oil. It will always feel a little weird, there will always be a little bump. It will get slighly better with time, but may never go away.

2. I can prevent my cold sores with yogurt, lysine, zinc, b vitamins, and zinc. If I get another one, I will add preventative anti virals.

3. Since the scar is not contagious, I need to remove the stigma. I will tell myself it is from an assualt.

Here are my questions:

Can I play beer pong? Share glasses, etc. when there is not a sore?

I don't share glasses of anything with anybody. If this is what beer pong entails then I would just say I don't want to play, but I will happily watch you play. If you have people that pressure you then screw em. Get new friends.

Can I kiss a girl I like without warning her?

I don't know but you sure should not right now. You have a lot of work to do on this issue before you bring that into the picture and give yourself one more thing to obsess about.

When do I tell her I get cold sores? Do I need to mention my scar situation?

Let's talk about it. I have to think about this as well

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I feel immense sympathy for those that have extensive burn scars of other things of that nature. The discrimination they receive is horrendous. I am always kind, friendly, and fun to everyone. I'm all about having a good time. Which is why this is so difficult for me. Spreading something to someone is the antithesis of a good time. This whole situation is really against my nature. I can see why ethics go out the window for some people.

What I was trying to get to here was that while you have something that is causing you great emotional pain, look in the mirror once and imagine that your face was horribly damaged, burned, or disfigured. I just want you to look at it from that perspective. What you have is a really really really bad pimple compared with what many others are carrying with them every minute of every day. And may have carried with them for a lifetime. Some of these people are joyous in their life as they see that their self worth is not determined by their blemished face.

Yes, I think about those less fortunate than myself. And I would like to help. But sadly, I realize that the solution to widespread disease and famine can only be solved on a much larger scale. It must be done with funding and innovation.

What I meant to point out here is that the enormity of the problems that these people have would let you forget all about your blemishes, if you indeed were there with them and had your life and mind filled with what you were doing there. I did say I wanted to exaggerate for a minute. I just want you to think about looking at some new perspectives to your situation.

Now it scared me, makes me scared to what my next outbreak might be like if I'm wrong about what caused the outbreaks.

It is very hard to see when you are in it. But trust me, I know only you can make you scared. Only you can decide to not be scared. Only you can FORCE yourself to say "just forget about all that stuff that I thought about all the time, I am just going to think about new stuff"

I have been on the floor at a public gym having vomited on myself with the lifeguards tending to me and the EMTs as well. And then again, on the floor at a fast food restaurant, worried that I was going to pass out and have a heart attack. Only to find out after two trips to the emergency room with wires sticking into me every which way that it was just PANIC ATTACKS. All in my mind. I was doing it to myself.

I got MAD at all these things I was thinking and just decided that "I" am not going to make myself miserable for the rest of my life. Let the fatal accident come or the heart attack come, but "I" minute by minute, was NOT going to do this self abusive thinking game anymore.

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I hope you are still here. It took me a while to type that last one. I am working on 3 hours of sleep, so I need to rest now and will be signing off soon. Please reply or private message me.

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Not uncontrollable thoughts of suicide, more like uncontrollable thoughts of "is this scar contagious, why isn't it healing", etc. The suicide is only one option of a solution to that problem. I will not be doing it as a spontaneous thing. I will try every solution possible before that reaches. Honestly, I'm probably more likely to embrace spreading this virus than to commit suicide, as fucked up as that sounds. I just need to embrace a solution. Why can't there just be a cure? Grrrr...

Cure? you have not even tried the available treatment yet which works well for 99% of people

HIV test? Well, you can get it from oral sex technically. If you tell a doctor you're sexually active, they'll test you.

Not to get too far off topic, but your doctor is a huge moron. YOu were at zero risk. Zero and any doctor who claims you might have HIV when you have had no risk of it, is irresponsible for scaring you about it. If you asked to have an HIV test that is one thing but your implication is the doctor suggested it. The chances of a heterosexual getting hiv by oral sex with a low risk person are so low as to be almost zero. The woman performing oral sex is at some risk but even that risk is negligible. If you are having oral sex with an HIV+ person your risk of catching it is 0.04% Frankly to get it this way you'd have to have cuts/lesions on your penis and they would have to have open sores in the mouth as well. Only 1 heterosexual has been documented to get HIV this way, in 1988 at the height of the AIDS epidemic, from a street prostitute.

If you are talking doing oral sex on a women this is also very low risk. I do not know if anyone has ever contracted HIV this way, my guess is probably no. Because you have oral herpes your risk may be a bit higher than most but the other person would have to be HIV+ and frankly, HIV is somewhat rare in heterosexuals who are not IV drug users.

Basically your odds of getting HIV through either of those acts (unless you sleep with prostitutes or IV drug users) is so low its more likely you'd win the lottery 2 times over.

That being said, please always use protection when having oral sex, you are at high risk for contracting other STDs such as the clap or syphilis.

Really I would be so mad if a doctor scared me about HIV for no reason.

The possible herpes cures are something that give me great hope. If I can someone create a mental state which works for me for 5-10 years, there shoulud be something that guarantes protection from passing this thing on and getting more damn scars.

Plenty of good long-term treatments now. In 10yrs odds are good you wont have many more outbreaks. Also new drugs on the horizon see many other posts about this.

I just hate being contagious, I hate seeing things get worse...my cold sore virus has been getting weaker, until these past few months. Now it scared me, makes me scared to what my next outbreak might be like if I'm wrong about what caused the outbreaks.

Only a few things are conclusively shown to cause outbreaks dont drive yourself more crazy trying to figure "what caused it". Avoid sunburn and fevers if you can. Other than that try to get on with your life.

Just ask your gf or whatever if they ever have or currently get cold sores. Out of 10 ppl you will find 3 for sure "yes" and maybe as many as 5-6.

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This scar feels like the end of the world to you. And I get that. But may I be the first to say here that facial "imperfections" (scars, moles, crooked teeth) actually make a lot of people MORE attractive and not less. One of my more lasting high school crushes had a gap in her front teeth, and that shit was AMAZING. Now maybe I just have peculiar taste, but I don't think so. So even if it doesn't completely heal, and even if it takes some time for you to get used to it, others don't see your face as you do.

This reminds me of a conversation I had w/ a good friend. I was complaining about my herpes, OHSV1, blah blah blah pity pity pity, and essentially, she told me to kindly shut the fuck up. This friend of mine gets large, persistent pimples on her face quite often. I rarely notice them, really only do when she points them out. They don't for a single second change the fact she is a beautiful girl. But to HER, in her mind, the experience of getting these pimples all the time is equivalent to my experience with coldsores. At first that upset me and I vigorously disagreed, because of the stigma, because it's forever, blah blah. But then I realized that my herpes, like her acne, is only burden if I allow it to be. Because everybody everywhere has something that weighs on them, that makes them feel self conscious and ugly and alone. For my friend it's her acne, for others it's weight, or hair loss, whatever. It's much harder said than done, I know. I still have moments where I panic and mope about this shit as if it was a matter of life and death. But it is not. Don't forget it.

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solvingtheproblem

Joaquin Phoenix...

...has had his facial scar his whole life, and he's not exactly repulsive to us ladies. ;-)

I certainly don't mean to make light of your situation, but I think it probably has made a bigger impression on you, than on other people. One thing to keep in mind: as new friends (read: girls) get used to looking at you, they'll eventually forget about it. I have a colleague that has pigmentation issues on his hand and face -- they look like big splotches of color. After working with him for a while, I COMPLETELY forgot about it. Really. One of our fellow colleagues asked him about it once, and while he was explaining I was surprised b/c it took me a second to figure out what the person was asking about. I honestly don't "see" it when I look at him now, because I'm used to it. Chances are, people -- especially people in your everyday life -- are going to forget about it, too. But if telling folks it's a "battle scar" (and having a good story about it being a martial arts injury...sounds like it's in line with your hobbies, why not?) will help you deal with emotionally, I say that's fine. And a kinda sexy explanation.

And if it is still bothering you, then I agree that a minor surgery is totally worth the cost -- and waaaaay better than the choice you're considering here.

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SurviveAndThrive

I don't care how I look, I just don't want to spread this. To other parts of my body or to other people. Jesus, my mouth goes everywhere when I'm with a woman, I like to kiss her all over. Not to mention my toothbrush, chapstick, retainers, forks, knives, water bottles, I hope you see why I'm going mad.

Will this scar make me more contagious? It got a bit of sun today and it feels tingly, it feels different than the rest of my lips, both texture and sensation. Is this normal for a scar? I won't outbreak because I'm finishing up my acyclovir the doctor gave me.

As far as preventing transmission, is anyone here using suppressive therapy to treat cold sores? Success? This is a problem I don't want to deal with. Imagine if Howard Hughes got this thing....

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From my understanding, since this isn't your primary outbreak the risk of you self-infecting yourself elsewhere is pretty low to non-existent barring any other medical issue.

Also, HSV does not live long in an oxygenated enviroment so you can't spread it very easily through other objects. It won't be hiding out on your toothbrush because it will have died. Still, as stated before, I wouldn't share cups etc with other people just in case.

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Here are my questions:

Can I play beer pong? Share glasses, etc. when there is not a sore?

In a party setting, why not suggest a game of flip cup instead? It involves everyone and as long as you don't lose track of your cup you aren't sharing. :) My personal opinion, but its so much more fun!

Also, I think because you went 5 years without an outbreak it is just making it this much harder. I mean... I've only had GH for 7 months with only one OB but until I had to tell a potential partner you kind of forget about it at least don't freak about it constantly. But I have to agree with everyone that has said you need to try and relax because the stress is definitely making it worse. Can you get away from everyone for a little while... take a mini-vacation? And also try some medication (unless you are holistic, but I heard about a book called Peace with Herpes that you should read then). Once I was Dx and prescribed Acyclovair my initial OB cleared up in like 2 days! I don't know if facial herpes/cold sores takes the same medication, but ask your doctor and give it a try. Then... try to not be so OCD so you don't stress out ;) I know that's no easy task.

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Mate, I would do anything to swap places for you. I am getting my blood test results this week and am almost certain I have genital herpes.

You're clearly an intelligent guy and you have a good writing style. Don't be so absurd to end such a potentially great life.

Good luck.

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chooseyourbattles

People get like this over genital herpes quite a lot. But I know a lot of people with cold sores, and none of them seem to care in the least.

I can't figure out if it's a good thing that I'm sharing some of the misery with someone who has HSV up top, or if I should feel sorry for you.

But you seem to be doing enough of that for yourself.

I think you need professional help.

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So... exactly why haven't you consulted with a plastic surgeon? They can do wonders with scars.

Several years ago, my son was attacked by our neighbors dog, which outweighed my son by about 50 pounds, and was nearly as tall. Of course, he went right for his face. The end result was a large section of my son's cheek that simply wasn't there anymore... I'm talking BIG GAPING HOLE where his face once was. It was horrible to see. The good news is, thanks to plastic surgery, he looks good now. Unless you look for it, you hardly even notice it. So, what's keeping you from having your scar cosmetically repaired? Or taking daily suppressives to prevent obs?

Of course your scar feels different from the rest of your face. Scars, especially fairly new ones, always do. After 16 years, my c-section scar still feels weird when I touch it. That doesn't mean your scar is contagious. It means the surface nerves have been affected. That's only natural. Stop looking at yourself like a walking contaminate. You're not.

I can't help but feel that you've completely lost your perspective on this. I also agree that maybe you should consider professional help to try to get it back. To let something like getting cold sores affect your life to the extent that it apparently does is obsessive, but I seriously doubt that anything anyone on this forum says to you will have much positive influence on you. I think you've passed the point where simple rationalization will address your problem. I'm not tryng to be unkind here, just honest.

Make an appointment with a plastic surgeon and a therapist. Do something to help yourself, instead of simply obsessing over a little scar and a relatively benign virus. Life is too important, and too short as it is, to even consider ending it prematurely for any reason. Every day that you spend being miserable over this is a day you'll never get back, and one that you could have spent being happy, and appreciating all the good (and more important) things that you're cheating yourself out of now. You're problems are not unsolvable, but you have to take the first steps.

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  • 1 month later...
SurviveAndThrive

I"m back and I must admit, I was overreacting. I was never seriously contemplating suicide, I just had feelings that I needed to get out.

And because of the stigma about this sort of thing in the real world, it came out funky here.

Anyways, I'm doing a lot better. In many ways stronger than ever. I have not had a cold sore since May 12, the one that left the scar on my upper lip. That's about three months. I will know I have defeated my recurrent cold sore outbreaks if I can make it to month 6.

The scar still bothers me. It is better but not gone. Though I have to admit, the biggest problem is in my head. Because it is on my top lip, it's really not noticeable unless I stretch my lip and point it out.

Part of the problem is that I developed this process in my head over my cold-sore free 5 years. I would lick my top and bottom lip and run my fingers across them. If I felt anything bad, I knew I had a cold sore. When I did this after the outbreak, the scar registered as a "sore" in my mind, and registered the outbreak like feelings. The sweating, the heartbeat, the OCD, the panic. I'm slowly getting more comfortable with it.

I've had some success with fading. I've tried it all. Aloe Vera, Bio oil, Scarzone, and Manuka honey. I believe the biggest success has been with manuka honey and bio oil. I can only hope it continues to fade with time.

On the dating side of things, I haven't been. I still feel like a walking contaminate. I'm a very affectionate man and when I am with a woman I like to kiss her all over. Knowing that I have a scar just puts limits on me. Limits I don't like.

I have met several women and have gotten several phone numbers, but it might be another month before I am comfortable enough to proceed with dating again. I am confident enough to tell a woman I get cold sores before I kiss her now, but I will let her know that I have taken every possible precaution to put this virus in remission.

Here's my helpful regime: It's excessive, but I insist on doing as much as I can. Because I want to live a normal and outbreak free life.

1. Multivitamin- Nature's Way Alive- One of the best out there. From natural sources. Includes mushroom defenses. http://www.naturesway.com/?pid=14927

2. Lysine- 2,000 a day. One morning, one night.

3. Fish Oil- about 3 grams a day.

4. B complex- with zinc and vitamin C

5. Calcium/Magnesium complex with vitamin D

6. Selenium- 200 mcg

"Selenium- The mineral selenium is also required for basic immune function. The role of selenium in anti-viral medicine is becoming quite clear, as numerous pharmaceutical anti-viral drugs are in the process of creation. A newly designed class of drugs containing selenium exhibit strong inhibition of cythopatic activity of HSV-1 (9)."

7. Coenzyme Q10

8. Yogurt daily or aciphilous tablets

9. Whey protein- Twice a Day

I have also radically altered my diet. In addition to adding yogurt and whey protein, I have completely eliminated carbs (mostly), and have added significant portions of fruits and veggies. I'm doing something called The Caveman Diet.

I think this Primal Blueprint link fills in a lot of common lifestyle holes that contributes to poor health these days.

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/definitive-guide-primal-blueprint/

The Modern Primal Blueprint® – The Rules of Living Today:

1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.

Salad

Focus on quality sources of protein (all forms of meat, fowl, fish), lots of colorful vegetables, some select fruits (mostly berries), and healthy fats (nuts, avocados, olive oil). Observe portion control (calorie distribution) week to week more than meal to meal. Eliminate grains, sugars, trans- and hydrogenated fats from your diet.

2. Move around a lot at a slow pace.

1432861455 ec53c9a238 Definitive Guide: The Primal Blueprint

Do some form of low level aerobic activity 2-5 hours a week, whether it is walking, hiking, easy bike riding or swimming. Ideally, and when possible, find time to go barefoot or wear as little foot support as possible. Low-level activity is necessary (especially if you find yourself chained to a desk every day). The combined effect will be an increase in capillary perfusion, fat-burning and overall integration of muscle strength and flexibility.

3. Lift heavy things.

Weightlifting

Go to the gym and lift weights for 30-45 minutes, 2-3 times a week. Focus on movements that involve the entire body and in wider ranges of motion – not just on isolating body parts. Emulate the movements of our ancestors: jumping, squatting, lunging, pushing, pulling, twisting, etc. This will stimulate your genes to increase muscle strength and power, increase bone density, improve insulin sensitivity, stimulate growth hormone secretion, and consume stored body fat.

4. Run really fast every once in a while.

Sprint

Do some form of intense anaerobic sprint bursts several times a week. This could be as simple as six or eight (or more) short sprints up a hill, on the grass, at the beach… or repeated intense sessions on a bicycle (stationary, road or mountain bike). These short bursts also increase HGH release (HGH is actually released in proportion to the intensity (not the duration) of the exercise).

5. Get lots of sleep.

Sleep

Get plenty of quality sleep. Our lives are so hectic and full of things to do after the sun goes down that it’s often difficult to get enough sleep. Yet sleep is one of the most important factors in maintaining good health, vibrant energy and a strong immune system.

6. Play.

Play

Spend some time each week involved in active play. In addition to allowing you to apply your fitness to a real-life situation, play helps dissipate some of the negative effects of the chronic stress hormones you’ve been accumulating through the week.

7. Get some sunlight every day.

Sunlight

Contrary to the “Common Wisdom” dispensed by dermatologists (who suggest you shun the sun), the Primal Blueprint would insist that you get some direct sunlight every day. Certainly not so much that you come close to burning, but definitely enough to prompt your body to make the all-important vitamin D and to support the mood-lifting benefits. A slight tan is a good indicator that you have maintained adequate Vitamin D levels. Natural sunlight also has a powerful mood-elevating effect, which can enhance productivity at work and in inter-personal interactions.

8. Avoid trauma.

Seatbelt

Eliminate self-destructive behaviors. These concepts are self evident to most people (wear seat belts, don’t smoke or do drugs, don’t dive into shallow water) yet so many of us live our lives oblivious to impending danger. Develop a keen sense of awareness of your surroundings.

9. Avoid poisonous things.

McDonald's Arches

Avoid exposure to chemical toxins in your food (pesticides, herbicides, chemicals, etc) and on your skin. But also try to avoid the hidden poisons in foods like sugars, grains, processed foods, trans and hydrogenated fats, and mercury in certain fish.

10. Use your mind.

Book

Exercise your brain daily as our ancestors did. Be inventive, creative, and aware. If your work is not stimulating (or even if it is), find time to read, write, play an instrument and interact socially.

As with the Original Primal Blueprint, this list is very general, designed simply to allow you to understand that everything our ancestors did can benefit us as well. Except that we can do it having fun, enjoying every aspect of the lifestyle and without worrying about our survival! In future blog posts (and to a much greater extent in my book) I will be going into much more detail as to how and why these behaviors work and exactly what foods to eat, what exercises to do and how to otherwise find ways to allow your genes to recreate you in the healthiest, fittest way possible.

All in all, I'm a better me and a more mature me. But....I want my scar to fade a little more.

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