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WarriorKing

Sex is not Love

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WarriorKing

I stumbled upon this H site and I hope that I have helped people here because I have had HSV2 for thirty years. It has been such an insignificant part of my life. I have been in two monogamous relationships with this virus in those thirty years.

If you are having your first outbreak or are still very new to having this virus hitching a ride on your body, don't despair. It is not you. It is not a part of you. It is a foreign critter that has hitched onto you, like maybe a tick.

As I think about what has been very important in my life, and what will be very important in my life, sex is near the bottom of the list. Loving my children, my family, my parents, my friends, my world, and my pets is what stands out. I was just looking at some old pictures and remembering, and the long hugs stand out to me. I lost my father several years ago from a sudden heart attack and so I learned many hours after the fact that he was gone. If he had not left suddenly and I could have been at his bedside during his final hours just holding his hand I would have traded years of sex with my wives for those final hours with him.

Your capacity to love is not lessened in any way by this virus. Your capacity to receive love is not lessened in any way by this virus. Sex is one way for people, who pair up and who love each other to express it.

So many stories on this site are from people who got this virus from people that did not love them. Participating in sex so often and with relative strangers is a big reason this mean little H critter and his dangerous cousins have been able to spread so rapidly and widely.

So give love. There is no stopping the amount of love that you can give.

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GntiNh

Fantastic post

"So give love. There is no stopping the amount of love that you can give."

It says it all

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lifesstillgood

As I think about what has been very important in my life, and what will be very important in my life, sex is near the bottom of the list. Loving my children, my family, my parents, my friends, my world, and my pets is what stands out.

I agree with this statement completely.

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annadiagnosedandlabelled

oh this is so good

it is soooooooo true what ur sayin here! im only 22 and maybe a little inexperienced with love and herpes (hsv2 diagnosed 6 moths ago, exboyfriend, nasty break up) but gee do i feel it now! i have just found happiness after 5 months of absolute misery and comfort eating. i agree completely - sex is not love unless u make love to someone u love. then it can be love. i love my new boyfriend and he loves me too. i told him recently and i know it will take him time to get used to things. but he is so supportive and i feel he loves me even more now i told him. its incredible and undescribable. there is life after nasty abusive people and there is life after hsv2 diagnosis. its not a life sentence! herpes made me select my future partners with care and ive learned to love myself and respect myself. i only tell people who i trust and confide with. those that are worth telling. he was. i thank god everyday for him. if we learn to love people will learn to love us. its strange how good things can turn out to be sometimes! i wish everyone all the love in the world x

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MsLucy

MrHonest, that was one of the most eloquent and sincere posts I've read in a very long time. And everything you said was so true. Thank you for sharing that with us. We're all richer for having read it.

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junebug

Well written!

Thank you for posting! I think you have really put this whole little issue in perspective and I really needed to read this today (been having a bad past couple of days emotionally dealing with this). I think any woman would be quite lucky to be with you.

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amethyst23

mr honest

your post is the epitome of the secret to our success

you did a really good thing by writing all of that

it is a reality check for sure

thank you

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new2hsv2

beautiful!

Mr. Honest, you have lifted my spirits SOOO much! I can not find the words to express how reading your posts have helped me come to terms with having hsv2. THANK YOU!

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notsofast22

Thanks a lot this is probably the best post I've seen on here. Actually almost brought a tear to my eye....

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clover

Thanks for writing this post mrhonest. It helped me to see that I need to stop being so damn obsessive about herpes. My obsession (stigma, symptoms, etc) with it impairs my ability to receive and to give love. How can I love or be loved when my mind is elsewhere? It's just an awful way to be. I want to live my life to the fullest and have this thing just be a small nuisance like it is for you.

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JoeTheLionWentToTheBar

Mr. honest is a wise soul.

I'm trying to reach wise soul status with the virus and I'm on my way, but it takes time. quality information, time, relegation to proper place, and perspective seem to be helping most.

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Mr Hopeful

Good words..

It sounds like you managed to find someone who loved you enough to have your children??

Loving my children, my family,

I really wish I could get to that stage. I'm discounted even before the relationship stage.

To be honest, that's all I want now. I've hit that age, and I know that as you progress through your thirties the chances become slimmer and slimmer...

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WarriorKing

Mr Hopeful. Two children. When I told her after our first two or three dates back around 1989 she was impressed by my honesty. She also knew someone close to her at that time that also had H.

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MunkyLuvr

great post Mr. H... now i know there are 2 honest guys out there!! =)

I love this site... i enjoy meeting all the wonderful people on here... i even showed my bf this site... he just smiled.. i think he thinks its cute i am trying to educate myself.... thank you for your encouragement and caring.

ML

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Canadian Daisy

:flowers: Honest,

Truly beautiful..you are such a wonderful man!

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Firehorsewoman

Thanks for sharing Mr. Honest.

Sounds like you had it figured out long ago.

Not the case for many of us. For many of us sex did equal love or a drug or both.

Herpes has forced me to face my demons and change my approach to sex and relationships.

I agree...you won't be alone for long.

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RealisticGal

Sex is not love, but it can be a beautiful way to express our love with another person.

Or it can be just a way to scratch an itch.

For me, I want it to be that meaningful communication between two loving individuals --- me and the man I love and care about.

MrHonest --- you always know how to say it. Thank you for these words especially: "So give love. There is no stopping the amount of love that you can give." Reminds me of the lyrics of a song...something about "the love you give comes back to you..."

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cookie1978

Excellent post!

Well said, mrh! I wish people would see that, that h has nothing to do with your capabilities, with your potential, with your identity as a human being.

Sex isn't love, that's for sure... it is a way of showing the love you have for someone while you satisfy a physical need... but it has always been mostly geared for reproduction, whether or not we like it or use it for that purpose.

You have great words to express great thoughts. Keep being who you are, because who you are shows how awesome you are.

*hugs* :flowers:

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coolsensation

New Kid!

I was diagnosed with genital herpes 19 years ago. I've been involved with understanding and supportive men, but due to circumstances unrelated to my diagnosis, the relationships did not work out. About 6 weeks ago I started dating someone and had "the talk" 4 days ago. I think I'm headed for my first rejection related to my diagnosis, as my phone calls have been unreturned. Just need a little support guys...can you help me out!

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MunkyLuvr
I was diagnosed with genital herpes 19 years ago. I've been involved with understanding and supportive men, but due to circumstances unrelated to my diagnosis, the relationships did not work out. About 6 weeks ago I started dating someone and had "the talk" 4 days ago. I think I'm headed for my first rejection related to my diagnosis, as my phone calls have been unreturned. Just need a little support guys...can you help me out!

If you are rejected from a diagnosis, then that person never really truly loved you for you.... and you are DEFINITELY better off. Hold your head high... better things on the horizon... =)

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coolsensation

Grateful heart

You are right, of course. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement!

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Misty67

Thank you for sharing Honest! and yes you have helped so many people on this forum! myself included!!

Indeed sex is NOT love!

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AF Vet

Thank you Mr. Honest. That last line, Like G said... Says it all. And my boyfriend has shown me that as much as I've shown him. Here he is, just deployed for a year or more and I couldn't have sex with him because I had an ob... And he didn't mind at all, held me all night every night we were together before he flew out this morning.

Good luck

::hugs::

~J

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