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Sadeyes25

Can you forgive?

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Sadeyes25

Can/Would you forgive the person who gave it to you? Would/Are you still dating/seeing them? I'm trying to figure out what I should do...

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Family woman

Absolutely. Obviously it depends on the circumstances but we know the difficulty with the social stigma of herpes and how it hard it is to share such information...

I found out my then fiance gave me herpes when I had a couple of outbreaks, googled symptoms and confronted him. He explained he had a diagnosis many many years before but never had any symptoms or anything after the primary. Of course I was furious and upset but it didn't change how I felt about him and I could empathise with his situation. We are now married, very happily, with a lovely family and baby. And now, we don't have to worry about passing it to each other or anyone else.:) Absolutely no regrets. But my husband is an exceptional man. :D

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candy hearts

No, just adds fuel to the fire! There was so many wrongs to that relationship that this just adds to it. Been divorced for 4 years diagnosed on the 8th of this month, just a reminder of what an @$$ he is! LOL!

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Guest Seatortuga

I have already forgiven the person that gave it to me. He didn't know. Pretty simple. He curses himself everyday for being irresponsible, but I tell him it is OK. I am just too nice, I suppose.

If it had been some jackass infecting people intentionally, well, I think I'd be in jail for murder in that case, lol.

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Sadeyes25

Well I'm not sure whether to be nice.. I'm a person that never forgives or forgets, but the guy..number one hasn't shown much sympathy(he is however trying to talk to me more) and number two.. Maybe cause I'm going through this, and moving out my house, that I have a feeling where I need male companionship. Prior to this I was still going to keep him around.. I just don't know what to do.. Maybe keep him as a "filler"

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Sadeyes25

Well I'm not sure whether to be nice.. I'm a person that never forgives or forgets, but the guy..number one hasn't shown much sympathy(he is however trying to talk to me more) and number two.. Maybe cause I'm going through this, and moving out my house, that I have a feeling where I need male companionship. Prior to this I was still going to keep him around.. I just don't know what to do.. Maybe keep him as a "filler"

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Family woman

If it's possible try to make your decision based on your feelings toward him, leaving out the herpes. If you feel he can fulfill the need for companionship, as a 'filler', make sure this is again a decision that does not include the herpes to sway either way...also remember that sometimes a habit can be hard to kick and if he's not right for you, if you're not really into him, you could find yourself stuck somewhere you don't really want to be...Very hard at times but try to live your life and make your decisions just as you would have before, with a bit more love and care for yourself.:)

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Sadeyes25

Prior to the "H" he was gonna be a filler. We have this "I want to choke him out, then we hug and kiss relationship." Something about him. I see the possible potential that he has, its just the question is how long do I want to wait for the "blossoming." With all that said.. I've been considering, just taking it reeeeal slow with him.. At the same time keeping my options open.

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GntiNh

Forgiveness is difficult. I don't know yet, because he knew he had herpes and didn't tell me. His attitude was totally different to mine.

I recently read "The Shack", William Paul Young, the basic theme is forgiveness and it really made me think.

I hope you find your answer

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Family woman

What is it with us women sticking around for the 'potential'??? Seriously, I did that many times and look back wondering what I was thinking! The man I married is just great and has been from day one...It wasn't about his potential, just what he is.:)

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Chiluv

Yes I forgive him. No I will not be in a relationship with him, I'm back with my husband and well I wish him the best. I think he knew what he had... But I'm just not wanting to talk to him, I doubt I will ever see him again. I won't even make the effort.

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Sadeyes25
What is it with us women sticking around for the 'potential'??? Seriously, I did that many times and look back wondering what I was thinking! The man I married is just great and has been from day one...It wasn't about his potential, just what he is.:)

What do you mean sticking around for the potential?

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Family woman

"I see the possible potential that he has, its just the question is how long do I want to wait for the "blossoming."

Hmmm...how long to wait? Not so long that your heart is hooked and he still hasn't 'blossomed'.:(

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Sadeyes25

So yea... I just spoke to the guy in question.. And he apologized, especially for his abscence. He was particularly not there because of the guilt.. Long story short,I still care about him, and I know I shouldn't. I don't know what to do. His abscence hurt me so..He asked me "where do we go from here?" Ugh..

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AnonGirl

I am still with the boy who gave it to me. I knew he had it, but I did not know that type 1 could be passed on to the genitals. It was both of our faults so I can't blame him.

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Now18
So yea... I just spoke to the guy in question.. And he apologized, especially for his abscence. He was particularly not there because of the guilt.. Long story short,I still care about him, and I know I shouldn't. I don't know what to do. His abscence hurt me so..He asked me "where do we go from here?" Ugh..

That sounds kind of selfish of him. He gave you herpes, you needed support, and then he wasn't there for you because he felt guilty? Anyways, I would wait and see... it's possible to forgive someone if they didn't intentionally do something, but it looks like you should keep your guard up and see if this guy is worth your time.

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Sadeyes25
That sounds kind of selfish of him. He gave you herpes, you needed support, and then he wasn't there for you because he felt guilty? Anyways, I would wait and see... it's possible to forgive someone if they didn't intentionally do something, but it looks like you should keep your guard up and see if this guy is worth your time.

I'm doing that exactly.. Right now we beef and then hug up.. I'm doing my do.. Keepin my eyes open.. Wink wink

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blindsided1205

i decided to forgive and stay with the person that gave it to me...and 4mos later he broke up with me again after 3years. at 1st he said he would be there for me and we would get through it together.....6mos since my diagnosis and i am just finally starting to get mad. unfortunatly this is something that u are going to have to live with for the rest of ur life and if the jerk that gave it to u isnt appologizing everyday then i dont think that they deserve to be forgiven

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HITBYHSV

I would never forgive if somebody knowingly infected me.....

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HITBYHSV

.....................I will never forgive the bitch................never

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alexjay

i have forgiven the guy who gave it to me. we were breaking up anyway when i first got the symptoms but he says he didn't know he had it and i believe him - i blame myself more for letting myself get talked into unprotected sex. if there hadn't been other stuff going on i would have stayed with him. i now know how hard it is to tell someone and that actually the love or even like of the person is so much bigger and more important than the H. x

still hoping for someone that thinks that about me...

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Wishing Well

Wishing Well

Am I paranoid.

Yeah.

Looking at all our conversations and the time we spent together. The inner detective in me tells me she knew. All the little comments;

I don't like the sun

I was a vegetarian for x years...for no reason

I use to do x but now I don't

It all makes sense looking...

Looking back it seems like all the signs were there. She told me lots about her life and her past but nothing about the H.

After I was diagnosed and realised she could have it and not know I would have stayed with her. I like to help people so i'm a sucker for that situation. I think had she played the wounded fool and played dumb we would be together.

I believe she thought we were being safe and something went wrong. 85% of the time I wouldn't have caught it and i'd never be on this msg board. But here I am. I said I went to get tests, she denied everything, I knew but only got my results months later. She was long gone.

Hardly a day goes by when I don't think of her and our time together.

The question is should I tell her now, thinking she already knows?

(please note I can only contact her via email)

At 25 i'm now looking for a lifelong partner...my generation!

I quote a book I like when I say;

''How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in''

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GntiNh

I feel for you, there are lots of things people can say to try and show you that there is a door. But I think you need time to heal first.

I have forgiven the person who give me this. I can't forgot what he did. He had no regard for me, he was blind to what his actions could do. It was my choice to sleep with him. So it more of a question of forgiving myself, which I have.

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Limeinthecoconut
That sounds kind of selfish of him. He gave you herpes, you needed support, and then he wasn't there for you because he felt guilty? Anyways, I would wait and see... it's possible to forgive someone if they didn't intentionally do something, but it looks like you should keep your guard up and see if this guy is worth your time.

exactly where I am and how I feel..this says it all. I felt like a piece of shit for bailing out...I tried to stay with him...I tried to believe the fact that he didn't know he had it....and he would say things like. "Oh I have a pretty good idea where this came from." Made me think he knew...Anyway he also was not there...absent...empty...I just wasn't feeling the compassion that I feel I deserve as a person. Anyway..it sucks to say I guess I still haven't been able to get over the resenment I feel in my heart primarily due to denial and lack of support on his part. I really want to but I just can't. Its still new since April of this year.....anyway I feel you.

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completenutter

Well, if he infects me knowingly, hell no! Shows a lot abt his 'love' for me.

But to think of it, forgiving seems easier compared to forgetting.

How is it possible to forget, judging tat I'll have to live with this till I drop dead or a cure's found?

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