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Condemmedsoul

I feel like i'm going to lose my mind.

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Condemmedsoul

Every since I can remember my mother treated me like shit, and she treats my older sister like a queen. I'm 19, have 1 child, high school diploma, college student and trying my best to better myself. my sister on the other hand 23, 4 kids, no high school diploma, and she has always gotten approval from my mom. But the funny thing is my sister and I are very close when my mom is not around. My mom actually comes between me and my sister. I read some where that mothers with no education tends to do things like this and I'm getting so tired of it to the point I catch my self crying everyday, beating wall to get my frustration out. my mom is making me hate her and she dont even know it. Im losing my mind and hating my mom. Could anyone give me some insight or uplifting words because I can't take it anymore.:cry::cry:

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xela

Hi!

Well one thin you need to remember. Parents are people like us. You are 19, you are an adult now, your mom will always be your mom, however you need to realize that: Parents are not always right. And now that you are an adult, you are allowed to have your own thoughts and question what your mother is telling you. If dont feel that you can voice your disagreements to her, than , you must still know that you might have a different opinion and its okay.

Have you tried to talk to your sister about it?

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lizabeth

It might be hard, but I'd pull away from her emotionally... and I'd join a gym and maybe a kickboxing class to beat my anger out.

Then you'll look great and be in shape too!!

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gotitsowhat

I second that

It might be hard, but I'd pull away from her emotionally... and I'd join a gym and maybe a kickboxing class to beat my anger out.

Then you'll look great and be in shape too!!

Great suggestions!

Or try swimming; it's relaxing. When people are not fair or kind, we have to distance ourselves even if they are (or especially if they are) people we love. Find more interests away from your family, venture out, get more friends who are supportive. The more of an independent life you have away from them, the less power they will have to irritate you.

On the bad days, when things are really stressful, get a bit of exercise (even a quick walk around the block taking deep breaths counts), take a shower and then decide to look at them as if they were situation comedy characters. Imagine this is a TV show and you are the always calm, reasonable, clear minded witty heroine and your mom and sister are the comic relief, the crazy neurotic people who always make those TV shows so much fun. Don't laugh out loud, of course, just keep it to yourself. Playing the sit-com game will help give you some emotional distance which is what you need to survive and thrive right now.

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Condemmedsoul

I've talked to my sister and my whole family about it, everybody says she is wrong but they also say she is still my mother. Really I feel like no one really cares as long as its not them. See my mother problem is that she is never happy, she will get very upset over the littlest thing. like today I moved a can of air freshner and she cursed me out. Someone broke the pantry door and my mother and step father said that they are going to put me out even though they don't know who did it. When I do have friends she complains about me going out with my friends alot. Thats my way of avoiding her and no matter what I say or do its a problem. She needs help.

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xela

well, you might have to try to block her negativity mentally. As long as you recognize she is the one who is unhappy, try to not let it affect you. I understand it is hard. The only other option would be to move out and hope her attitude would change. However, this would be a huge life change and you might not be in a position to do so

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gotitsowhat

Hang in there....

I've talked to my sister and my whole family about it, everybody says she is wrong but they also say she is still my mother. Really I feel like no one really cares as long as its not them. See my mother problem is that she is never happy, she will get very upset over the littlest thing. like today I moved a can of air freshner and she cursed me out. Someone broke the pantry door and my mother and step father said that they are going to put me out even though they don't know who did it. When I do have friends she complains about me going out with my friends alot. Thats my way of avoiding her and no matter what I say or do its a problem. She needs help.

Don't worry about your mom "needing help." It sounds like she is used to her own grouchy attitude and is probably quite comfortable with it. Even if she could benefit from counseling, she will never go because people like that almost never do.

Your post really touched me because I grew up with a witchy mom who criticized constantly and spent a lot of time giving me a hard time. I know how destructive that is. When I was younger, especially during the years I lived with her, I did not realize how destructive is was, even though it made me very unhappy. My mother was a rageholic and she poured all of her rage and violent anger out on me. This kind of thing is very, very hurtful. It eats at your self-esteem and self-image and gives you a mixed up view of life in general. I'm OK now but it took me some years to recover.

I don't know your age but it seems obvious that you must move out. If necessary, find a relative who will take you in, if you can. If you have to, find a foster home, either through the local county or through a private agency. If you can't do that, find some other way you can get away. You may have to make some careful plans and it may take a little time but, if you value your emotional and social health, you must get out. You may not realize it but you are used to her abusive attitude. You must get used to a better environment. Do whatever you need to do to get out of there. It's a free country and, if you are of age, you can go where you want. If you are not of age, do what you can to become an emancipated minor. That will mean you will have to get a job and support yourself while finishing school but it can be done.

Don't try and get the family to support you--it's pretty obvious they will not. The status quo at your house is comfortable for them, just not for you. It is obvious they do not care enough to change the dynamic. And no matter what you do or say, your mom will not change. You cannot talk or reason people into decent behavior especially if they are used to acting like a tyrant and getting away with it. Give up the idea that she will change. She won't.

If you don't have a job skill, make it a point to acquire one, even if it's only an increase in typing speed or the ability to do a great PowerPoint presentation. Do whatever you have to do to get away and have your own life among healthy people so that you can be healthy and happy. Make some solid plans, set a goal and then run for your life.

Feel free to PM me if you like. Take care.

P.S. If they are threatening to put you out, that might be the best thing that ever happened to you because even a homeless shelter might provide a better atmosphere than they do.

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