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SunWorshipper

2nd chance after 25 years...

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SunWorshipper

Here's my situation...I used to date a guy 25 years ago when we were both early in college - really cared about him but we were too young for much at that time and I broke up with him (stupid of me). Later got H from someone else. Met my future husband, had the talk, it didn't matter to him. He & I've been divorced for 3 years now (nothing to do with H) and the guy I dated 25 years ago found me on a social network site 6 weeks ago and we've been talking on the phone for hours every weekend about everything except this, obviously. He lives in another state. Anyway, I'm going to see him next month and I'm 99.9% sure we're going to be great together again. He knows I need a no pressure situation, so he's already said he'll take the couch and I get the bed, but omg, am I screwing up by waiting to tell until I see him face to face? He really is a caring guy and I don't want to hurt him again.

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gotitsowhat

I think it does not help

to try and figure out what timetable the other person might expect of us. We cannot know, from the other person's point of view, what would be a good time to tell. We can only know from our own point of view.

My own take on it is that we should have the talk when it starts to bother us. When we start wondering when we should tell and how we should tell and how they might take it...that is the time to tell, before it becomes stressful and drags on, thus becoming even more awkward.

Since you have both agreed that sex will not be rushed and will not be happening during this visit, I do not see that you have to tell him--unless it turns sexual. You do not owe him disclosure at any particular time except that you do need to tell before sex happens. However, since it is starting to bother you and worry you, on that basis, you might decide to tell him before he visits. Just to relieve the stress and worry for you. Stress and worry never help any budding relationship.

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