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pearly83

Should i be angry that my husband flirt on facebook?

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pearly83

a couple days ago i found out my husband have herpes. he have a facebook account but he deactivated it. but now he back on it again flirting. should i be mad at him for it? i asked him about it he said it's nothing he just be bored while he be at work. but he also saying stuff about the female's pictures. he have a problem with me having a facebook account and a myspace. he has waaaay more female friends on there than males. alot of the females he don't even know. he is from detroit and i'm from cleveland that's where we at now. i just be thinking has he learned anything from this? why can't i have a facebook or myspace acct? the reason why he say it's because i'm here and all my friends are males except 2 of them. but i have not seen them since i was 16! i miss them i knew them since i was 8 yrs old. he said my friends are going to look at me differently because we are grown now. but they will respect that i'm married. It will be a while before i get over this herpes. I'm getting tested next month at my doc appt. should i worry about the facebook acct? maybe he will never change maybe he will. we been married for 7 years i'm still with him. besides all his cheating and the std's. i think if we don't work out another man would love to have a woman like me.

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gotitsowhat

Do you live in Saudi Arabia? Or north America?

If you live in the US, you are protected under the US Constitution.

Your husband cannot tell you what websites to frequent or with whom you can chat online. Remember, this guy is your husband, not your father. Obviously, in his own life, your husband doesn't consider how you feel about his own postings online. Now you have to decide if you care about how he feels about your own choice of online company.

Of course, if you live in Saudi Arabia, you'd better listen to him! In that country, and in many others, husbands have total legal control over their wives. You can be punished if you do not obey him; you can even be sent to prison. So if you are living in Saudi Arabia or Kuwait or Afganistan, I would recommend you obey to the letter and stop arguing with him. In those countries, he is allowed to beat you. If you don't live there, I wouldn't move there with this dude!

But if you are living in the US, give yourself permission to act like it. He cannot order you to avoid a website or to stop communicating with long time friends. Of course, in order to keep your marriage happy, you might want to take his feelings into account about all of this BUT ONLY IF HE AGREES TO TAKE YOUR FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT, TOO. It's a two way street.

I am not even sure where herpes fits into all this--it seems that, in your situation, it doesn't seem to be the main factor in your unhappiness.

If you get tested next month, you should know that a swab test is only accurate if done at the height of an outbreak. A blood test will only be accurate if done after 3 months from the time of possible exposure. Has your husband been tested? What type of herpes does he have? Does he know if it's an old or new infection?

But I don't think herpes is really the point here. Nor is Facebook. The point is whether or not you want to remain with someone who doesn't think your feelings or needs for connection to friends are important. He sounds extremely immature. You say he cheats. He insists on having online connections that make you feel uncomfortable. He doesn't want you to connect with those you want to connect with online. Are you sure you want to live with this?

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