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Hi There,

Well I have been viewing these pages for a couple of weeks now and decided its time to join as reading has given me support.

I currenty live abroad in a non english speaking country, I have been diagnosed with Type2, as the doctor only speaks enough English to confirm the virus Ii have been unable to gain any support from anywhere.

I have so many unanswered questions and I wondered if this is the right place to get some answers.

I am currently single, I have not long ago split up with my husband not because of this he was great about it because of other things, but now im wondering if I should have stuck with him instead of trying to explain my situation to potential new partners.

Since being diagnosed I have only had 1 outbreak.

I am confused about meeting new people, is it ok to have sex with someone with a condom and not tell them about the herpes, I dont think I could ever let anyone know about this but dont want to be spreading the virus around.

Also is there any medication you can take to stop the virus, sorry if I souund a bit dumb but living abroad I can find no where to answer these questions for me.

Thanks for listening

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Fashionista

I am sorry to see you're feeling so alone in another country.

Thankfully you found this forum, which did help me in a time when I couldn't tell any of my family.

In my own opinion, I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to telling a partner. If the person ever found out after the fact, they might feel pretty upset that you didn't tell them sooner.

However, I am dealing with those same feelings, where I DREAD telling future partners. The last guy I was with just broke up with me and now I'm alone, wondering if it's even worth it to meet new guys.

There is no cure for herpes, as you probably know, but certain antivirals can be taken as suppressive therapy, which, for some people, can help reduce the number of outbreaks. Valtrex is one.

Anyhow, hopefully you get to feeling better and more positive. I know I am. :rolleyes:

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Hi,

Thanks for your reply, some days I am fine about it until days like today where I am worrying so much I think I am going to have an outbreak, I have not been dealt the best hand when It comes to sexual health but I suppose I can only blame myself for that, If I am honest this gets me down so much that I feel like ending it all, I am never going to be normal again, I feel disgusted when I look in the mirror some days :(

How did you make yourself feel ok about it all and have you had any sexual partners since finding out ?

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello darling,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling sad but the truth is I feel the same ways sometimes. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think "I have herpes, damn it" My situation is I had a boyfriend for 2 years and we broke up (went on a break and could date other people) and I went on vacation. I ended up having sex with someone that was a friend of the family and I barely knew him but I figured he was trustworthy....long story short I contracted the genital herpes and when I got home I got back together with my ex. 2 weeks after having sex with the other guy I started having symptoms....SO I told my boyfriend that I had herpes and someone else gave it to me and he went crazy and didn't talk to me for like 6 hours but after that he decided he still wanted to be with me......it was a hard thing to tell him b/c he couldn't fathom being with anyone else and for me to do that hurt him a lot. Even though I have a boyfriend who doesn't have it, I still feel disgusting. I haven't come a long way but I've found this website to be very helpful. I find doing things that I like to do helps me forget and sometimes I'm happy. We all have our good days and bad days...in time you will accept you have it. I dread having to tell other people about this if my boyfriend and I break up again, but I know from personal experience if you get to know a guy and he really cares about you (not just likes you) then he will at least try to make it work with you. Good Luck!

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nice view

Thank you for your sweet replies and taking the time to think about others, I hear your story and hope to that it will get easier for you too, some people on here seem to be quite comfortable with having herpes and if I think of it logicaly then its jus cold sores but on you private parts, there is definatly a stigma attached, to make myself feel better I think atleast I dont have something that is eating away at me or something that will cause serious complications.

Like you say were all going to have up and down days. :roll:

I know that worrying so much I have caused an OB, I wondered if you can give me any advice on how to stop the itching of a night, looking at some pictures I would describe my case as mild and its not in area that affects me going to the toilet.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello, My OB are not bad either. I looked on the panel on the right under "home remedies" and they say cornstarch, domeboro powder, or baking soda can help dry out and reduce itchiness when you're having an outbreak, the "home remedies" section even has directions on how to apply it. You're right about the stigma though, I don't understand something that doesn't prevent me from doing anything I want to do can make me feel this way...it's other people...that's it. The only thing it may affect is your sex life which I suppose there are more important things like true love and companionship which herpes will not affect at all because TRUE love doesn't discriminate. Don't be afraid to get out there again, just put the sex off as long as you can in order to help the other person see you that you are a person with a virus, not a virus with a person, if that makes sense. It is scary out there trying to find someone to accept you, but from other people's experience on here it's definately possible. Oh, from what I've been reading on these posts there should be a vaccine within the next 5 years or so...there's some hope! Be happy!

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  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Atrapasueños
      Hola chicos recibí mis resultados de mi cultivo de mis brotes en hombros y cuello y dio positivo me siento mal aunque ya sospechaba me niego a pensar que este virus es inofensivo ahora no sólo tengo que lidiar con mis brotes en mi cara o genitales también los que aparecen en mis hombros y cuello sólo les deseo lo mejor y cuiden mucho su cuerpo __________________________  Hi guys I got my results of my culture of my shoots on shoulders and neck and gave positive I feel bad even though I already suspected I refuse to think that this virus is harmless now not only do I have to deal with my outbreaks on my face or genitals also those that appear on my shoulders and neck I only wish you the best and take good care of your body
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I agree completely with @Dutchy and what she said. You are always going to think about this. Its best to get a conclusive answer if you can. I am not sure it is herpes. Sorry to ask, but: Is there any chance you could have been sexually assaulted at a young age and not remember? or  Were you  ever a wrestler or Boxer ? Those are the only two instances I can think of that would cause HSV 2 if you haven't had sexual contact  Chances are high that you don't have it. And, if it turns out to be HSV1 , you already have that , so no worries there either. I have had 2 Drs say a bacterial infection on my face was HSV1 . I have never had HSV1, My IGG tests results have always been negative too for HSV1 in the past and present too. ( It was really a bacterial infection, I had had an injection and was touching the area a lot and I infected it with my dirty hands. I then went to a infectious disease specialist who told me looked  bacterial not viral).  I did sadly get infected with Hsv2 almost 2 years ago now ( 1 year after the facial bacterial infection) and it was intense and severe. If I had had HSV1 my outbreak would have been less severe from what I understand. My Hsv 1 IGG tests are STILL negative. Those drs were wrong. Maybe yours are too. And if it is from a wetsuit, then people need to know that its a possible risk.  I truly wish your results to be negative.  You deserve peace. Best wishes to you.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      @Rain and Ashes get a blood test, don't go by visual diagnosis, esp. if you  are a virgin and haven't had sexual contact. It could be  a staph infection or somethign else Drs misdiagnose things all the time. Its terrible and unprofessional of them to refuse to do the bloodwork, and to only visually diagnose if you haven't had sex.  If its a privacy issue or not wanting it on your records, then  maybe go to an anonymous place and pay out of pocket. And if it is indeed HSV2, and you got it from a wetsuit, then there is a lot we don't know about this virus and your story needs to be shared, if it is indeed true. Best of Luck to you!
    • Ashleerae
      I totally see where you're coming from. Having herpes made me feel like the biggest piece of shit I could be, thought it would be nice to kill myself and not have to deal with it, but not a serious thought, just a fantasy.  I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with genital HSV-2. I can't be 100%, but I think I got it from my ex. Over the last 2 years, I've been hitting personal development hard and trying to get totally comfortable with myself for everything I am, including herpes. I've improved things about myself that I've struggled with my entire life and I won't stop striving to be the real me, not take everything in life so hard or seriously, and be somebody I could respect. I've become more confident, which I've never been. Now I see herpes as a little bit of a blessing (haha crazy), but without this, I may have never confronted my issues with myself and changed it. I am more empathic to myself and to other people rather than being self-centered and shallow like I was sometimes. Herpes forced me to love myself and become more resilient. I'm telling you this because it's normal to beat yourself up over this and feel ashamed, but fuck it. Don't feel ashamed. Own it and get so comfortable with it that nobody's opinion could sway your feelings about yourself. I don't mean tell everyone unless you want to. I've told my immediate family and 4 friends recently and they were all very receptive and said it's not a big deal - these are people I trust. And for some of us, we know it's not as big of a deal physically as we imagined it would be before we contracted it or during the worst outbreak(s) - for me it was emotionally destructive because I let it get to me. Let me tell you my first disclosure story.  A month and a half ago, I got drunk and was talking to this guy, a friend of a friend. We hit it off and were having fun. We got pretty drunk and hooked up and I didn't tell him. Wanna know how I felt after that? Anxious, fucking horrible, like a terrible person. And I'm not judging others here, but I judged myself hard because I felt like I had hurt someone. This was eating me alive. I was going to tell him the next day and then he was out with friends so I didn't want to ruin his night. Two days later I talked to him and asked him to call me (live in different cities). I had practiced how I was going to say this over and over. I told him we got a little carried away and asked if we used a condom (couldn't remember), we didn't. I apologized and told him my status and that I'm on repressive meds so it doesn't surface, but it's still possible that it would. I was expecting him to lash out, call me names, tell our mutual friends and all of his own friends, which would be his right. I was lucky and I didn't feel like I deserved his actual response due to the situation of not disclosing before anything happened. He said, "It's okay. I'll make a doctor's appointment to get tested and get on meds if I need to. It sounds like you've been beating yourself up about this, so stop doing that. It's fine. I had a condom in my bag that I found the next day, I should have used it. Really, don't worry." Seriously, this is how the conversation went. He tested negative and is going to test again in 6 months. And we've been talking for the last month and a half since, he told me he's glad he met me and had fun, and he's coming to visit for a weekend in October. I talked to our mutual friend, who one of my best friends that I trust; I told her after I told him and confirmed he hasn't told anyone else about my status (I asked him not to unless he does have it, then he can say whatever he wants).  The reason I'm telling you this is because I've learned an incredibly important lesson from this. I know that not disclosing is against my moral code and I don't want to give this to anyone without giving them the choice first because I wasn't given the option and it destroyed me for awhile. Condoms don't guarantee it won't be passed on. If I want to feel good about the person I am, this is a conversation I have to have with anyone I'm going to have any sexual contact with.  I also know I was lucky with this guy being so kind. He didn't have to be that way. This taught me a valuable lesson too. Choose wisely who I want in my life and who I trust. I'm not worried anymore what other people think of me; what do I think of them? If somebody says no after disclosing, that is their right and it has no bearing on me, it's not a diss. They don't want herpes and neither did I; maybe there could be a friendship there instead. Some people don't see this as a deal breaker though and I know I don't feel bad about myself for telling somebody the truth and giving them the option. I'm not proud about not disclosing first, but I made it right and know that's how I will handle it from now on.  I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do either. This was my experience and this is just what I learned. 
    • PhilFletch
      Thanks for the post! We appreciate it can sometimes be difficult to talk about the subject or even to go and see your GP about it. Thankfully theres lots of online companies now that do an online consultation to get your herpes meds delivered in the post. Have a look at PostMyMeds Ltd, https://postmymeds.co.uk
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