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Extramarrital Affair

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I had a one night stand with a coworker and being faithfully married for many, many years. Yesterday, I found two small red bumps at the base of my penis. I am pretty sure it HSV2. Now what do I do???

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One wild incident, lots of afterthoughts....

I had a one night stand with a coworker and being faithfully married for many, many years. Yesterday, I found two small red bumps at the base of my penis. I am pretty sure it HSV2. Now what do I do???

Unfortunately, we can't really diagnose you over the Internet. You will have to see a doctor--Planned Parenthood will do a swab test if you have an active outbreak but the swab test must be done at the height of the outbreak to be accurate. A blood test can tell you if you have it but a blood test will only be accurate at least 3 months from the exposure. So if you are having an outbreak, don't wait to get it tested, go right away.

Small red bumps at the base of the penis could be herpes. But it could also be other things. Instead of worrying yourself sick (and if it is herpes, that would tend to cause more outbreaks), better to see a medical professional and get this evaluated. Lots of times we tend to allow guilt and fear to overwhelm our thinking in situations like this. One sex encounter would probably not give you herpes or anything else--but, of course, it IS possible (all it takes is one bit of bad luck) so you will worry until you get this resolved.

Start by getting the facts.

If you do have it, you will have to tell your wife so she can get tested. Fortunately, herpes is a tricky little virus; it can lie dormant for many years, even for decades. So if you have it, it might have come from something that happened before your marriage to your wife--or, at least, that would be a possibility and it could be presented that way.

A blood test can sometimes indicate whether or not you have had this for a long time or if it is a recent infection. I would get a blood test and a swab test immediately. That way, if you do have it, you will have some indication of whether or not you caught it from your incident with the coworker or if you might have had it dormant for years. If the swab test is positive but the blood test numbers are too low to show anything, you will have to go back for a second blood test months later to see if the numbers go up (indicating that it's a recent infection), If it does turn out to be an old infection, that would make it easier to tell your wife about it. If you did get this from the recent episode with the co-worker, at least you will know for sure. Then you can decide how you want to explain this to your wife.

Herpes is a VERY common little virus. Your wife may have some form of it already. If she researches it on the Internet, she will discover that and she will also discover that it can lie dormant in the body for years. If she has no other reason to doubt you, and if it turns out you (and/or she) have herpes, she may easily believe that this is an old strain which you got before you married her.

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well, assuming the plan is to avoid fessing up about the affair to your wife, this is kind of one of those rare situations where, if it IS an STD, you *hope* it IS herpes. All that blah blah about lying dormant, etc. Can't pull that off as easily with the others.

Maybe talk to the coworker to find out what's known on her side. And get tested ASAP. And if its a new herpes case, be careful about autoinnoculating yourself somewhere else (and since you don't know right now, be careful right now).

(Glad I'm not in your shoes).

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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    • valleynovascotia
      Any advice on on how i can change the way she thinks of her insecurities in the event I ever see her again or hang out with her or do you guys think that it's better too just walk away. The truth is though i never met another girl like her before and she was fine with me having herpes i could tell by the she reacted too it . How do you change the way someone views them self that has low self esteem. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Note @Asr624 that an IgM result does not confirm a herpes diagnosis. Was the rash swabbed as well?
    • LiveLife100
      Yes it's entirely possible that he didn't know and just now gave it to you. I've been with my husband almost 19 years and he was recently tested and is still negative. It's still possible of course that I could give it to him at any point. Sounds like you have a strong marriage and there is no reason this needs to be an issue other than a minor annoyance. I have 2 healthy children and have had no related medical issues due to HSV.
    • Hellothere123
      I have been with him and didn’t tell him and now I can’t tell him because I know it would ruin any chance of reconciliation. I don’t want to live with this and I don’t want to live without him 
    • Asr624
      I am so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Praying for you. 

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