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darkhorse27

Men!!!

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darkhorse27

So I've been dating this guy for a month and a half now and I thought things were going really well, he seemed perfect for me and understandably I was abstaining from doing anything with him until I found the right moment to tell him. Well I thought the other night was it, we were in private and just hanging out and I was suddenly overcome with this need to tell him and a need to really start our relationship. But before I could even begin our talk, his phone rings. It was a friend of his and this is what my 'man' says "hey buddy...I'm just hanging out with a friend!" I was shocked and asked him to explain himself, he gave me some load of crap how he wants to take things slow with me blah blah blah and then get this he goes for the make-out and his hand goes to undo my jeans!!!! smooth! It ended badly I told him that I only have sex with people I'm in a serious relationship with and it's been downhill ever since. Wow...you'd think that a guy like him, gorgeous, successful and funny could score any booty call he wanted...but apparently some of them prefer convincing a girl that they really care when they are just full of it!

I am so jaded...oh well, at least I know that he didn't reject me because of H...he's just a wanker in disguise.

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Butterfly of the Moment

I'm glad that you find out he's a tool before you confided in him...some men are players...and are good at it unfortunately. It's great that you're getting out there and dating. Now hopefully the next guy will be a real man who is looking for more than a fling.

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Now18
Wow...you'd think that a guy like him, gorgeous, successful and funny could score any booty call he wanted...but apparently some of them prefer convincing a girl that they really care when they are just full of it!

Guys like that really anger me. I see nothing wrong with casual sex, if both people agree it's casual. But if you're not interested in a relationship with a girl and it's only physical... I think it's weird if you're taking them out to dinner, holding hands in public, saying romantic things, and generally spending a lot of time with them when you aren't hooking up. Especially if you didn't know each other and weren't friends before you started dating. Actually it's not weird, it's totally leading someone on because you want company/sex.

My friend was in a situation like this and she even waited 1 month to go past kissing. The guy hung out with her 4 times a week, babysat her little sister for her, and had her sleep over when they weren't hooking up. After 4 months, he was still calling her his friend... and she said asked what the deal was. Similar situation to you. Well anyway... she got rid of him and found a new guy who asked her to be his girlfriend within 2 weeks of hooking up.

Glad you got rid of the dude.

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chooseyourbattles

If all he wanted to do was have sex with you, I am surprised he's gone this long without it.

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darkhorse27

now18- It's like your friend and I were dating the same guy! I'm just in shock, thought I had a keeper and then it all fell appart faster than I could say "I have herpes 1!"

chooseyourbattles- I have thought the same thing as you. What if he was getting laid somewhere else and this whole time I thought he was such a gentleman for respecting my boundries?! I don't have time for boys like him anymore! I did this when I was 18 and 19, I'm 25 now, I want a serious relationship with someone I can trust and who isn't afraid to proclaim me as his girlfriend! What a looser!

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Plupha
What if he was getting laid somewhere else and this whole time I thought he was such a gentleman for respecting my boundries?!

This was my first thought when I read the post. I'm sorry this guy turned out to be such a tool! You'll find one that's worth it! Just give yourself time!

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completenutter
If all he wanted to do was have sex with you, I am surprised he's gone this long without it.

Well, some men likes the rush of the chase & it gives them the adrenaline :) I know of such twarts. Try sleepin with them & see if they will call u back, ever!

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metropolitan

I never commit to somebody until I have sex with them

Until then they're "just a friend"

Is that so wrong? Why would you commit to somebody before you know what they're like in bed?

That's like marrying somebody before you've lived with them. Ignorance is not always bliss!

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darkhorse27

Metropolitan- That's funny to hear from someone with herpes. The fact is this, in order for me to have sex with someone I have to have the talk with them, and in order for me to have the talk with them, I have to trust them. In order to trust them, they have to have made some sort of a commitment to me or shown me that they aren't going anywhere!

By calling me his friend and then trying to get into my pants directly afterwards this man not only hurt my feelings, he made me question every single sweet nothing that came out of his mouth and he made me question all of those feelings that I have for him which made me come so close to revealing my secret.

I don't know if I will ever return his calls, maybe it was a mistake, but my heart tells me that I saw a glimpse of who he really is under the charm and good manners!

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foxyloxy25

I don't actually find being referred to as 'just a friend' offensive.

I just see it as the guy not being prepared to announce it to all and sundry that you are in a serious relationship and wanting to keep his private life private which is completely understandable. What else is he supposed to call you, his girlfriend?

I had a man I was in love with, but that held out on sex with me. We went out together, spent time together etc. We even kissed. But until we had been having a serious - full sexual - relationship for long enough for me to feel it was good and it was going well, I would never have referred to him as anything other than a friend.

Like another answerer, I feel that unless you are having a full physical relationship you are not having a relationship, you are just friends. And I am also not prepared to commit and say I am in a relationship until I have tasted and liked the wares, no more than I would marry a man without having sex with him.

I'd have had to have been seeing someone for a good few months, and have been having a physical relationship for a while, before I was prepared to announce to other people that they were more than 'just a friend'. Even if I was seeing someone seriously, unless I was positive the relationship was strong and had a future - and we had been together for a good while - I would still tell other people I was just with a friend rather than using the 'boyfriend' word with all the baggage that comes with. 'Friend' to my mind is not just the literal sense but a euphemism for anything that hasn't quite reached the point where you are prepared to announce a commitment to everyone you know.

Besides which, if I hadn't yet had sex with someone, I would consider them to be just a friend until we had consummated it.

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TinyCHILD

Girls

So I've been dating this guy for a month and a half now and I thought things were going really well, he seemed perfect for me and understandably I was abstaining from doing anything with him until I found the right moment to tell him. Well I thought the other night was it, we were in private and just hanging out and I was suddenly overcome with this need to tell him and a need to really start our relationship. But before I could even begin our talk, his phone rings. It was a friend of his and this is what my 'man' says "hey buddy...I'm just hanging out with a friend!" I was shocked and asked him to explain himself, he gave me some load of crap how he wants to take things slow with me blah blah blah and then get this he goes for the make-out and his hand goes to undo my jeans!!!! smooth! It ended badly I told him that I only have sex with people I'm in a serious relationship with and it's been downhill ever since. Wow...you'd think that a guy like him, gorgeous, successful and funny could score any booty call he wanted...but apparently some of them prefer convincing a girl that they really care when they are just full of it!

I am so jaded...oh well, at least I know that he didn't reject me because of H...he's just a wanker in disguise.

Well at least you did your part!

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Now18

I refer to someone who I have been dating or hooking up with who is not yet my boyfriend as "guy I've been dating." I guess that's because I have a lot of platonic male friends and I feel the need to differentiate between the two words. In my last relationship my guy was still calling me his friend 5 weeks into dating, and we were spending every weekend and one weeknight together and had been sleeping together at least 2 weeks. I asked him if we were just friends with benefits and he said no, that he liked me and saw it going somewhere. Sometimes they use "friend" for lack of a better term, until you make it official.

It's interesting what everybody says about sex. I don't want to have sex again until I'm in a relationship... is that unreasonable? It's just that I don't want to sleep with someone who's sleeping with someone else. I need to feel some kind of connection/trust in order to enjoy sex.

Also, I kind of understand the whole idea that you want to know what someone is like in bed before you commit to them. But I think sex changes when you are in a relationship, and you feel comfortable communicating what you like and don't like. If I met a guy who I felt like I had an amazing connection with, but he was bad in bed I'd still give it a chance. Because I would assume that it would get better once I felt comfortable being more open about with him.

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LifesADance

I call a guy I'm just seeing and not really in a relationship a friend. To some people I may say "this guy I'm seeing" but until I know where he sees it going too I'd never call him anything other than a friend in front of him or introduce him as anything else. Had a wedding date one of those... he didn't call me his friend but would call me his "date" when introducing me and when people asked me if I was his girlfriend I said "no I'm his date for the evening." Someone responded to that conversation with "oh yeah there is a big difference with those!" haha

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