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diagnosed- I want to share my story

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I found out today that I have herpes. My fiance cheated with serveral women while I was away for 4 weeks for business. He doesn't know which gave it to him but his new girlfriend has it as well. We ended the relationship a month ago. As I was doing research about herpes I came across this website and I was reading how depressed people felt once they found out and how some didn't even leave their bed for a week. When I found out I didn't feel anything. I had an idea already that I might have herpes based on pictures and descriptions I read. I had seen a male doctor (who refered me to a female per my request) who believed it was herpes. I guess I kinda had a warning before I was actually diagnosed. I'm just confused. I don't feel hatred for my ex doing this to me; I don't feel like I'm hopeless. I feel a little betrayed and like my life will never be normal but I'm dealing. I didn't expect to take it so well because I didn't take it well when i found out he was cheating or when I had my first symptom.

I've read that a lot of people are coping better with the more information they read. I've spent atleast 8-10 hours so maybe I was just better informed or is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?

Ofcourse I'm afraid that I'll end up alone but that thought really doesnt bother me like I thought it would. I think part of the reason I'm not so upset is I am just so happy to have relief from the pain. I had 5 days of pain and hardly being able to walk or sit before I was able to be seen and now that I have some relief I greatful.

I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I feel like I don't deserve this. I've only been with 2 people in my life and both were long term monogamous relationships.

I just want people to know that this disease isn't what social stigma dictates. It can happen to anyone regardless of sexual practice.

I don't really know how I should feel...

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Yes it can happen to any one whether they sleep around or not. I don't think that it helps when you ask to be tested for STD's that they do not test for herpes. My boyfriend has had no symptoms for who knows how long he has had it. Even if he had been tested he would still not know. It took doctors 2 and a half months and many visits to even mention herpes to me. Discrimination surrounds so many things and I can't bring myself to dwell on how other people are going to judge me for having herpes, I just can't.

I have been depressed, but only from the physical pain. It is getting better now and I can feel myself becoming who I was before the painful outbreaks.

I don't think you're weird for not sleeping for a week. You are smart and know of ways to deal with this. You can't take it back, or change it, so why waste your life?

Anyway, thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear not everyone has a breakdown upon this diagnosis. If you would like to have someone to talk to about it you can message me or on aim I am manic88twilight.:). The only person I have talked to any about this is my mom and it is kind of weird.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello darling, I'm pleased to know that your initial reaction was more about acceptance than tragedy....many of us takes a few weeks to a few months to get there...so your reaction is not flawed...you feel what you must to move on...i'm glad you are educating yourself...the first minute i suspected i had herpes i was on the computer for hours and then i went to planned parenthood the next day to get checked out....so i kind of expected it...i remember thinking by a long shot "please let it be syphillis b/c at least there's a cure" haha but I knew better. NO ONE deserves this std, we win some and we lose some...I've had a few more parnters than you and I've been tested for stds 4/5 times. After a 2 year relationship, the next guy i slept with gave me herpes and i even asked him straight out if he's been tested and asked his friends if he slept around but the only thing you can trust is a good blood test. Some people make me sick by how ignorant they are. I took a sexual health class so i had a good mindset about these things.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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      I am fortunate enough to live near one of the most prestigious hospitals in the USA that rates high in infectious disease diagnosis & treatment. I went to a specialist and asked direct questions including about casual sex. Firstly, I have ghsv1. She said: Casual sex is NOT off the table. When someone chooses to have casual sex, they are accepting the risk of contracting an STI. There is no obligation to disclose in this situation unless going without a condom. The risk is extremely low from a one time protected encounter . Don't do it if you are having symptoms. If you have sex with this person repeatedly, especially if you go without protection then you should disclose. If someone rejects you for it she says he's an asshole and a germaphobe. Because it's no big deal
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      So I disclosed for the first time last week. I was feeling confident after reading all of the positive disclosure stories out there. I was armed with the stats and presented the information in a calm manner as recommended. I was happy to find out that the guy already had a lot of knowledge about it because had an ex w the same issue. It was nice to have sex without having to worry about harboring a secret, I felt normal for once   I got a text from him in the AM and I was hoping for the usual "had a great time, can't wait to see you again" but instead he was blithering on about being paranoid about the contact. We exchanged one more message that day, and today I sent one, no response..... pretty certain I've been ghosted.  I am back to that dark place where I feel like I'm unlovable / unfuckable dreg of society. I'm a single parent which doesn't help, nobody wants a relationship w someone like me... add the herpes and I might as well be a 400 lb amputee on welfare with an IQ of 70. I feel like I am going to have to eventually "settle" for someone that is willing to be with me, but I don't really like them. I feel that a man that is willing to accept this is probably an unwanted outcast himself.  So ultimately I fear I will have nobody, or settle for a guy that disgusts me
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