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diagnosed- I want to share my story

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I found out today that I have herpes. My fiance cheated with serveral women while I was away for 4 weeks for business. He doesn't know which gave it to him but his new girlfriend has it as well. We ended the relationship a month ago. As I was doing research about herpes I came across this website and I was reading how depressed people felt once they found out and how some didn't even leave their bed for a week. When I found out I didn't feel anything. I had an idea already that I might have herpes based on pictures and descriptions I read. I had seen a male doctor (who refered me to a female per my request) who believed it was herpes. I guess I kinda had a warning before I was actually diagnosed. I'm just confused. I don't feel hatred for my ex doing this to me; I don't feel like I'm hopeless. I feel a little betrayed and like my life will never be normal but I'm dealing. I didn't expect to take it so well because I didn't take it well when i found out he was cheating or when I had my first symptom.

I've read that a lot of people are coping better with the more information they read. I've spent atleast 8-10 hours so maybe I was just better informed or is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?

Ofcourse I'm afraid that I'll end up alone but that thought really doesnt bother me like I thought it would. I think part of the reason I'm not so upset is I am just so happy to have relief from the pain. I had 5 days of pain and hardly being able to walk or sit before I was able to be seen and now that I have some relief I greatful.

I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I feel like I don't deserve this. I've only been with 2 people in my life and both were long term monogamous relationships.

I just want people to know that this disease isn't what social stigma dictates. It can happen to anyone regardless of sexual practice.

I don't really know how I should feel...

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Yes it can happen to any one whether they sleep around or not. I don't think that it helps when you ask to be tested for STD's that they do not test for herpes. My boyfriend has had no symptoms for who knows how long he has had it. Even if he had been tested he would still not know. It took doctors 2 and a half months and many visits to even mention herpes to me. Discrimination surrounds so many things and I can't bring myself to dwell on how other people are going to judge me for having herpes, I just can't.

I have been depressed, but only from the physical pain. It is getting better now and I can feel myself becoming who I was before the painful outbreaks.

I don't think you're weird for not sleeping for a week. You are smart and know of ways to deal with this. You can't take it back, or change it, so why waste your life?

Anyway, thanks for sharing. It's nice to hear not everyone has a breakdown upon this diagnosis. If you would like to have someone to talk to about it you can message me or on aim I am manic88twilight.:). The only person I have talked to any about this is my mom and it is kind of weird.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello darling, I'm pleased to know that your initial reaction was more about acceptance than tragedy....many of us takes a few weeks to a few months to get there...so your reaction is not flawed...you feel what you must to move on...i'm glad you are educating yourself...the first minute i suspected i had herpes i was on the computer for hours and then i went to planned parenthood the next day to get checked out....so i kind of expected it...i remember thinking by a long shot "please let it be syphillis b/c at least there's a cure" haha but I knew better. NO ONE deserves this std, we win some and we lose some...I've had a few more parnters than you and I've been tested for stds 4/5 times. After a 2 year relationship, the next guy i slept with gave me herpes and i even asked him straight out if he's been tested and asked his friends if he slept around but the only thing you can trust is a good blood test. Some people make me sick by how ignorant they are. I took a sexual health class so i had a good mindset about these things.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Henson8675309
      Had unprotected sex aug 14, got std tested results came back positive for chlamydia I then got medication which gave me positive results for bacterial vaginosis. Told tdoctor my symptoms and after taking a swab of my cervix during a wellness exam she told me nothing looking out of the ordinary. Fast forward to now, I'm still getting itches and stings from time to time in my vagina and for about a month now I have been having back main mostly lower back pain arm aches leg aches feet aches hip aches and pelvic aches. (Could this be prodrome?) During this time I have had a big bump that looked somewhat like a cyst that just went down on its own and peeled a bit but never popped. For a while my Anus was always itchy but that subsided once I forced myself to stop scratching. I have had bumps or pimples on thighs and the bottom of my butt cheek that also never popped and just went away on its own (assumed pimples or razor bumps) Haven't had any swelling in the lymph nodes though. Sometime last week my clit had a tiny pain I say tiny bc I barely even noticed it, but there was small pain while I peed and a day later I look in the mirror and notice redness around it. Didn't hurt or itch when I touched it.  I'm On my period now and so far as of today I haven't had any lower back pain. Now idk if all of these symptoms have come from my worrying, as I have been having anxiety about herpes since the unprotected sex in august, but it's driving me crazy I look in a 5x mirror everyday noticing every little bump freaking out wondering if it could be herpes and then when it goes away I feel a bit better just to find something else the next day. but when describing these bumps to the doctor she says they're more than likely razor bumps or pimples and to go back once and if they ever ooze and I haven't been back bc like I said they never popped nothing ever oozed out of the bumps I seen. Today while checking in the mirror I noticed some red or flesh colored bumps I'd wet much appreciate if someone looked at them for me ! Please give me some type of feedback I am praying on this ! The first thre pictures are from today the 4th pic was about two days ago. https://m.imgur.com/SAV1s00 https://m.imgur.com/GbIj2WU https://m.imgur.com/qWvuvNE https://m.imgur.com/sBX0nlw
    • MikeHerp
      anal fissures are annoying, especially if they persist.   HSV has been implicated in causing constipation.  So, indirectly, it could be making anal fissures worse.
    • MikeHerp
      If you have HSV2 in the genital area, I think anal could be safer.  I'm no doctor, but I don't entirely believe the "boxer short" theory.  That a person sheds the same from the entire area covered by boxer shorts.  Such that, even a pelvic bump could infect somebody.  I think I saw somewhere that shedding is concentrated around the point of infection/recurrence.  If you don't have recurrences around your anus, you probably shed less there, if much at all.   That doesn't mean that I'd say that anal would be 100% safe from catching HSV2 when you have only genital recurrences.  But i'd say that the risk is reduced.   Keep in mind, of course, that certain positions for anal might still cause genital to genital contact.  Like when you are on your hands and knees and he is behind, the bottom of his shaft and hi testicles may rub against your vagina, etc.   Just my thoughts.  
    • MikeHerp
      I'm just thinking out loud here, but the recent study results which were posted, were quite encouraging.  This will hopefully be followed up with a research paper or extensive writeup so that we can read the details.  But in a nut shell, it appears that Keith Jerome's team at the Hutch Center, was able to edit almost 20 to 30% of latent HSV in mice using endonucleases, if I understood the limited blurb about his recent research correctly. What I like about this is the following:   1.  In the space of around 2 years, their lab has been able to improve editing efficiency, from 2%-4% to almost 20% to 30%  of latent virus, if I understood the recent blurb about his work correctly.  So editing efficiency has been improved by more than 5 to 10 times in the space of 2 years.  I wouldn't necessarily extrapolate those numbers going forward, but the point is that, this technology appears to have been significantly improved in a relatively short time.  That's intriguing, because even at 2-4% editing, there seemed to be a hint of disruption of replicating HSV virus.  It's unclear whether Keith Jerome did a replication study post editing this time as well.  If he did, I'd imagine that this level of editing would result in a tangible and measurable disruption in replication. 2.  In the past, it has been noted that CRISPR Cas9 has been unable to edit latent virus in non-dividing neurons.  But the reasons that were given, were that HSV in its quiescent state in such neurons is a lot harder to access for CRISPR.  In the blurb regarding Jerome's recent work, it was also noted that his effort with CRISPR Cas9 was unable to edit latent HSV, which certainly mirrored the previous understanding (though by saying that editing was "less than 1%", it seems to suggest that maybe there was some very very minor editing).  That's also consistent with EDITAS recent rabbit corneal HSV study using CRISPR Cas9, which showed that Cas9 couldn't reach the latent HSV (even if it produced significant reduction of symptoms on the cornea).  It's pretty clear that CRISPR Cas9, as is, can't touch latent HSV. But I noticed that the reason why Jerome speculated that CRISPR couldn't edit latent HSV well, was that the size of Cas9 was too large to allow for much optimization.  I.e., it wasn't necessarily related to the location, but rather size of the editor.  If you have been following my comments on here and on my blog, you'll know that I've taken a bit of a glass half empty view of ExcisionBio's efforts regarding HSV.  Simply put, while their approach was intriguing and could theoretically stop HSV replication, I had understood from their previous work that their efforts were concentrated around the notion that, they'd seed our body with CRISPRs that would have to continuously edit newly replicating virus while being unable to touch latent virus.  Even considering the continuous improvements in CRISPR safety, it just seemed kind of far fetched that the FDA would approve a gene editing treatment any time soon that was centered around CRISPR making endless and continuous DNA edits in our bodies indefinitely.  That's understandable.  Even very minor off target edits, when piled up over years and decades, might presumably make us very sick or worse.  That was my thinking then.  But if the issue is more about the size of the editor, as suggested by Jerome, than maybe ExcisionBio's efforts might be on the right track after all.  As people who have been following their work know, their intent is to use CasY not Cas9 for HSV2 (though the info provided by ExcisionBio seems a bit scant and sketchy and their website leaves tons to be desired).  CasY is smaller than Cas9, so perhaps it could have a chance to edit latent HSV if Jerome's comment is correct.  Cas9 which Jerome used in his experiments, seems almost like old tech now, compared to the newly discovered Cas types.  That's intriguing because, Jerome did note that Cas9 editing of HSV in vitro, was very high (around 50%), even while it did next to nothing against latent HSV. So that's all very interesting to me.  But there are various caveats.  Jerome's latest research hasn't been published yet, as far as I know.  It's unclear what stumbling blocks might arise in humans relative to mice.  One important question is, whether partial editing of some latent HSV would allow for a partial cure, and whether this would remain so going forward.  Could the "cured" neurons, be reseeded by active replicating HSV virions again? Would the gene editors need to remain in the cells indefinitely (that, in my view, would make the treatment more questionable from a safety perspective). In his previous work, Jerome noted that the endonucleases persisted in the cells for a prolonged period, which makes me wonder. From the safety perspective, it seems it would be best, if they didn't persist in our bodies and dissipated after editing the latent virus.    So some pretty major questions still remain.  But this stuff is interesting.    
    • Braino
      This question is for all the Genital HSV1 positive people that have had genital to genital sex and or received oral sex after your diagnosis. Has anyone transmitted the HSV1 virus to any of your partners, to your knowledge?  Or has anyone been infected with HSV1 from genital to genital and/or giving oral sex?  Did you use protection? I’ve seen all the statistics on Genital HSV1 transmission and shedding rates. I wanted to hear from the community about their experiences with transmission.

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