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tsilano

Oral sex with genital herpes

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tsilano

Ok lets see I have genital herpes 1 and my boyfriend doesnt have it or at least we dont know about it yet. Weve had unprotected sex and everything has been great. Recently weve tried a dental dam and it just did not do the job for me, I was so close to tell him to throw the dental dam and just start licking away without it. Im scared because I really dont want him to get it orally and I do not want it orally. He keeps telling me he does not care if he gets it at all but idk what to do anymore. Should I just give in? How likely is it that he will get it? Should we just leave oral sex alone all together with? Please help!

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jericho

If you have had GHSV-1 for some time, your body will have built up antibodies to the virus, which will give you strong immunity (but perhaps not absolute immunity?) to being infected orally.

Your bf should get tested. A majority of the population has OHSV-1. If he has it, you guys are set - you are immune to getting it orally, and he is immune to getting it genitally.

If he doesn't have either strain, then he can contract HSV-1 orally or genitally, but the good news is that GHSV-1 is considerably less active than GHSV-2, so you should have fewer OBs and less viral shedding - you are less infectious than if you had GHSV-2.

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talesofagirl

Your boyfriend should definitely get tested. Most experts say that having the same type protects you completely, even if it's in a different location. There are a couple of exceptions: If one of you is having an outbreak (it apparently can overwhelm the antibodies) OR if it's a new infection (for the same reason).

So for example, you have ghsv-1 and he doesn't have type 1 (hypothetically). He gets it from you while performing oral sex on you, then there is a possibility that he will (since he's newly infected) be able to give it back to you orally. Then you'll have it in both places.

If he doesn't have it, he is more likely to get it performing oral sex on you than when you guys are having vaginal sex. GHSV-1 does shed a LOT less than ghsv-2 (so less likely in general), but it does replicate in the mouth so more likely to catch it orally than genitally. Supposedly.

But the odds are that he already has it, so he should definitely be checked.

And how do you know that he doesn't have type 2? You're so worried about exposing him, but he could be exposing you to something else.

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OopsNowWhat

R.i.p oral sex :(

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foxyloxy25

Look, 60-80% of the population have oral hsv-1.

And while oral hsv-1 is infectious 18% of the time on average, for genital hsv-1 that drops to about 3-4% of the time.

Do you think that all those 60-80 people out of 100 who have oral hsv-1 say 'I can never kiss again, because I get cold sores, even when I am symptom-free'? No, they treat it as fine when they don't have symptoms.

So, think about your partner. 60-80% of all the girls, relatives, friends etc he has kissed on the lips in his LIFE have oral hsv-1. Every time he kissed one of them, he took a higher risk of catching oral herpes than he would be doing giving you oral sex (given that oral hsv-1 is more likely to be infectious than genital hsv-1).

Do you think for one moment that if he had a girlfriend who got occasional cold sores, he would say to her 'you have oral herpes, so I think it is better if we never kiss, even a brief peck on the lips'. I can't imagine that ever happening. Do you think she would be ok with that, or would she dump him for being paranoid? So why should it be different with genital hsv-1, which is infectious for a fraction of the time that oral hsv-1 is?

Most of my ex-boyfriends, like most people, have oral herpes. My boyfriend gets regular cold sores. He told me when we first met. If he had then said to me that he didn't want to kiss me because I would be risking oral herpes, do you think I would have gone 'ok' or do you think I would have thought it was insane, given what percentage of people have oral hsv-1?

So, knowing that my boyfriend had hsv-1 on his mouth, I kissed him very often. I wasn't too bothered about catching oral herpes, since most people have it. I was a little more bothered about catching genital herpes, so he very rarely gave me oral sex. I was with him for seven years before I caught hsv-1, and despite the fact that every time he gave me oral sex was outnumbered about 300-1 by the times he kissed me, I never caught hsv-1 on the mouth. I wish I had caught it on the mouth instead. In 7 years of regular kissing, I never caught oral hsv-1.

I can't understand why you are prepared to have unprotected intercourse but are then worrying about him catching it orally, enough to consider avoiding oral sex?

He is not more likely to get hsv-1 orally (making oral sex higher risk than intercourse) simply because hsv-1 supposedly 'prefers' the mouth. Yes, hsv-1 is 'better adapted' to the mouth and causes more outbreaks when it is oral than genital - but 'prefers' is a misnomer - as it happens hsv-1 is opportunistic and is not more likely to cause an oral infection if it comes into contact with the mouth than it is to cause a genital infection if it comes into contact with the genitals. Oral herpes is more common than genital herpes simply because kissing happens more frequently and among more people than oral sex does.

In fact, the opposite can be true. Hsv needs an entry point - micro abrasures in the skin etc - and in this way the genitals are if anything a more vulnerable area than the mouth. For example, women are more likely to catch genital herpes than men because the form of their genitals makes them more likely to catch herpes - greater area of mucous membrane, more likely to have abrasions etc. My boyfriend had oral hsv-1. When I caught genital herpes, that night we kissed A LOT. We were making out for ages. He gave me oral for all of about 5 seconds before I pulled him away - he barely touched me. Nevertheless, I didn't catch hsv-1 orally, I caught it genitally.

Also, if you have genital hsv-1 and have antibodies to it, the likelihood of you catching hsv-1 back on your mouth if he were to catch it orally would be extremely slim. Having hsv-1 in one place doesn't provide complete protection against getting hsv-1 in a second location, but it isn't far off. This is the reason why when oral hsv-1 was near universal, genital hsv-1 was very very uncommon.

It is also the reason why it is worth finding out if your boyfriend is one of the majority of the population with oral hsv-1 - because not only would you be able to enjoy risk-free oral sex, but there would be a very low risk of him contracting hsv-1 genitally too.

My boyfriend, being a nurse and having oral hsv-1, is very at ease with my genital hsv-1. We have always practiced unprotected sex. Although it is not recommended, we have slipped up a few times when I have been having a ful blown outbreak without him catching it genitally. We even had unprotected sex DURING my primary outbreak when I would have been at my most infectious - I thought I was just a bit sore from too much sex and had got a 'cut' at the entrance from abrasion. Since he has oral hsv-1 and has had it since childhood, his risk of catching it genitally is low. (That said, it is good to avoid contact during outbreaks because the higher quantities of virus present then do increase the risk. We weren't deliberately setting out to have intercourse during my outbreaks, because that would be reckless).

All I am saying is that in comparative terms, given

a) how many people have oral hsv-1 and how common kissing is,

B) the fact that oral hsv-1 is more infectious than genital hsv-1,

c) the fact that everyone who kisses someone is risking hsv-1 to a greater degree than your boyfriend would be in giving you oral, and

d) he knows and says he is ok with it

I can't see why he shouldn't be ok with giving you unprotected oral if he knows there is a very small risk of contracting oral herpes and is ok with that - especially if you are having unprotected intercourse!

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