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jacksprat

Suppressive, frequent urinating, clothing and lubrication during sex:a few questions!

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jacksprat

Hi all,

My last thread was a bit rambling and self-pitying, and unsurprisingly got no responses. I have a few questions and would welcome any input:

- I've had 5-6 OBs in 3 months since primary infection. Most have been mild and some almost unrecognisable as herpes, but the latest one was worse - about 15 small blisters in a large cluster. Is it time for suppressive therapy?

- My site of infection is the supra-pubic area, just above my pubic bone, and my outbreaks are about as close to my belly button as my genitals. It concerns me that I cannot cover this area and believe using a condom would not be too useful. I've read that friction and heat makes it easier for the virus to transmit, so would applying some lubrication to the area lessen the chance of transmission, given that there would be less friction and perhaps the lubrication might kill some of the virus? Also, would it be at all useful to wear a T-shirt during sex? If I wore a tee and was carful, it could cover the area that's been getting the OBs. Obviously this wouldn't be foolproof at all as I could be shedding from areas not covered by the tee, but could it reduce the chances of transmission?

- I have been getting a strange side-effect to suppressive Aciclovir, which is frequent urinating. I've been going to the bathroom about 5-8 times a night and more than usual in the day, too. Has anyone else experienced this? It is not listed in one of the side effects, although a decrease in frequency is. I think it's related as I was on self-prescribed suppressive 2 months ago and had this, and then it started again on a recently prescribed course that started last week. The doctor that gave me my results over the phone (HSV-2 positive) thinks it's unrelated but I'm going to see my doctor in the next few days. I was urine tested for all other STDs and for infections 6 weeks ago. The results were negative and I have not had sex since. The thing is, after the 3-month emotional rollercoaster of being diagnosed, I feel as though standard GPs don't really know a lot about one specific subject, only a little about everything. Also, is there a chance there is something in Aciclovir that is causing this, and Valtrex might be fine?

- On a bit of a different issue - I split up with my ex about 2 years ago as I needed some time on my own; I needed some freedom before settling down (fat lot of good that did me!). She is a great girl and would make a wonderful mum. I know she still loves me and would accept me, and I'm considering getting back together with her and having kids. I feel that bringing a new life into the world and focusing on him/her would be a productive and positive thing for me and would be a welcome addition to my small family (no other bros or sisters, cousins or nieces/nephews). However, if I did not have HSV, I don't think I would have got back with her. Does this make me bad or selfish, and is it desperately unfair on her? I could be a great dad and husband.

Any input on the above would really be massively appreciated. Even just a line summarising your thoughts on one issue.

Much love...

Jack

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tinks

Hi, I would think that you would still need to wear a condom reagardless of where your obs occur (happy to be corrected on this). If you have only had this virus a short time then your body is going through a period of adjustment and may take some time before they settle down, i don't take prescribed mebs myself but maybe someone else here can advise you on valtrex etc.

As for getting back with your ex mm it sounds to me and again happy to be corrected on this that you will be getting back with her for all the wrong reasons. You both deserve better than that and what child wants to born because of H!!! I don't think you're a bad or selfish person at all but maybe you need to take a step back and give yourself some time to get your head round it all. It takes time i'm still having bad days myself.

Take care - Tx

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regret

ddont make any big descions until you have had this for at least 6mo to a year..getting back with an ex just because you have herpes is not a good enough reason,,you would be cheating yourself and her out of a good relationship... give yourself some time to deal with having this virus,,you will feel differently a year from now if not sooner

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34kingsgirl

Tinks, why don't you take prescribed medicine? How often are your obs?

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tinks

I was never offered them, o the joys of the UK NHS system:). It's not an issue for me while the virus is still quite new to me i don't have that many obs i'm very lucky that they're not in any way severe and from what i'm reading on here i think i'm happy taking the natural route and altering my eating habits, now if i could just quit the cigs and vodka!

Tx

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hello there, I think that you should give your body time to adjust to having the virus and your symptoms hopefully will clear up and get better. After the first year, your viral shedding should reduce by approximately 50% I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong)...Also, I think you also need to get use to the idea of having herpes. I don't think that having children will erase the pain or sadness you feel about having herpes but it may give you perspective. You see, the only way that this relationship with your ex will not be selfish is if you loved her, if you were willing to try with all your might to stay with her for life, and you tried to make her happy...you see if she was happy and wants you, then the only person who would suffer on this end is you b/c you may not feel the same way...and if you do intend to have children together not using a condom and all, you have a great chance of giving her the virus...so if you are willing to take the chance to expose her to the virus, I hope you intend to commit to her...I know that life doesn't care about our plans sometimes but this is an important decision.

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jacksprat

Thanks for the good advice guys. I would need to think long and hard before getting back together with my ex. I do still love her, but more like a friend than a lover.

Butterfly's post sums it up well. I will give time for my body and mind to get used to the virus before making any big decisions. I hope that one day I'm fully comfortable with this and happy with life.

The frequent urinating seems to have dropped to a manageable level which is good. I'm going to keep up the Aciclovir for a month or two (I need a break from the OBs) and then give it a go without meds.

Any ideas on the lubrication side of things? I'm terrified that I am going to pass this onto someone else. Even if a potential partner agreed to take the risk, I don't know if I could forgive myself for passing it on. If I'm honest with myself, if I didn't have herpes I wouldn't take the risk with a partner who was H+ unless I was sure it was going to be a very long term relationship. Bearing that in mind, I think I'll find it hard to expect anyone else to accept me.

Thanks again.

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JBnATL

Come to the chat room

You will find many supportive people there. One of the best things for you at this time is to be around others in your condition.

I hope to see you there soon!

JB

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