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guessiamstupid

wow this is painful

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guessiamstupid

i was in an 8 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. my immune system was strong when i met him. i never got sick. about 6 months in to our relationship i started becoming sickly, just like him. now i understand why. everything he ever said and did makes sense now.

i was so young and naive when we first got together. he knew what he did to me but he lied to me the whole time. every time i got sick, he wouldn't let me go to a doctor because he was afraid i'd find out about the herpes. my immune system was so busy fighting the herpes that i got sick with colds and flus at least twice a year but before i met him i never got sick. i got acne on my face and back, and before him, i rarely got pimples.

herpes is a real virus and if you pay attention to your body it causes everything to go out of whack, especially not knowing, so it was untreated for so long.my life was so stressful with him and i didn't know what was going on with my body for years, i just felt like something was different.

i read that the outbreaks tend to happen where you got infected... well for the past 5-6 years i thought i had hemorrhoids. i am so embarrassed because i have never had anal sex before. this is a very painful spot to have outbreaks. for 5-6 years i thought i had hemorrhoids. i thought i was going to need surgery or something it was so painful. he knew i didn't have insurance and just let me suffer instead of being honest.

he would accuse me of cheating on him all the time, now i understand it's because he wanted me to sleep with someone else so that he could blame me or some else for it. he called me stupid, now i understand that he really did think i was stupid because he could lie to me so easily and i loved him enough to believe.

i try so hard to forgive and forget, but i keep thinking of the words he spoke to me and now i understand everything. he told me that he felt like one day i would hate him and now i do. i really hate him for the lies and for not saying or doing anything as i suffer in physical pain. i even saw something on his penis once and he told me he had fallen asleep and the zipper on his pants caused the marks... guess i am stupid.

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kel0329

Wow. That's awful of him. I am sorry to hear your story.

Honestly, hating him will not make you feel better. You have to forgive and forget or forgive if anything. What he did was wrong and he knows it but just let him go. Don't let him know how much you hate him cause you're only letting him win.

Start over now. Make sure you take care of yourself. Get meds and start looking forward to your future without a liar. (I'm assuming you're not with him anymore?)

I was with my ex for 8 years. After we broke up I started talking a guy that I began to trust and had sex with him. He gave me herpes and I stopped talking to him but I don't let him get to me anymore. My ex and I are talking again and I don't know if we will try our relationship out again but he did reject me in a way after he found out what had happened. He has since realized he loves me and says if we ever were to try again it would not be an issue.

Your ex couldn't have truly loved you if he lied for so long. I hope that you've realized and will start making wise choices as far as men go now! I hope that everything works out for you and that you're happy now!

Also, NEVER blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault and although it's an unfortunate thing that happened-everything happens for a reason.

Good luck with everything.

-Kel0329

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Shayna

Hi guess (I can't bring myself to say your full screen name,. it's too sad), welcome to the forum!

Most people have something in their life they have regrets about. Dated that person and looked back saying "What was I thinking?!". I know I have, more than once actually!

The healing can begin now, but it takes forgiving yourself first.

It's good to get all your thoughts out and look at them, but I hope you don't beat yourself up for too long. This person doesn't deserve anymore free rent in your head!

I'm happy you found our community! This is a great place, with great people, who are all in the process of healing. Herpes is much more than a skin disease, it really can affect us more emotionally than physically. I know this forum had helped me get through the hard part of accepting my herpes. It's also helped me heal the wounds from getting infected by someone whom I was in a relationship with, who didn't disclose his status to me. I came here filled with hate towards him, I rarely give him a thought anymore. When I do, it's a passing thought.

Being newly diagnosed is a tough blow! The emotional rollercoaster can be really hard at first, but honestly, you will feel better, sooner than you think! This is the first step on your way. From what you've said about your ex, it sounds like you are already in a good place, without him!

Also, you can change your screen name when you are feeling better! We'll be happy to help you with that ;)

Take care!!

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gotitsowhat

Guess again, guess

i was in an 8 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. my immune system was strong when i met him. i never got sick. about 6 months in to our relationship i started becoming sickly, just like him. now i understand why. everything he ever said and did makes sense now.

i was so young and naive when we first got together. he knew what he did to me but he lied to me the whole time. every time i got sick, he wouldn't let me go to a doctor because he was afraid i'd find out about the herpes. my immune system was so busy fighting the herpes that i got sick with colds and flus at least twice a year but before i met him i never got sick. i got acne on my face and back, and before him, i rarely got pimples.

herpes is a real virus and if you pay attention to your body it causes everything to go out of whack, especially not knowing, so it was untreated for so long.my life was so stressful with him and i didn't know what was going on with my body for years, i just felt like something was different.

i read that the outbreaks tend to happen where you got infected... well for the past 5-6 years i thought i had hemorrhoids. i am so embarrassed because i have never had anal sex before. this is a very painful spot to have outbreaks. for 5-6 years i thought i had hemorrhoids. i thought i was going to need surgery or something it was so painful. he knew i didn't have insurance and just let me suffer instead of being honest.

he would accuse me of cheating on him all the time, now i understand it's because he wanted me to sleep with someone else so that he could blame me or some else for it. he called me stupid, now i understand that he really did think i was stupid because he could lie to me so easily and i loved him enough to believe.

i try so hard to forgive and forget, but i keep thinking of the words he spoke to me and now i understand everything. he told me that he felt like one day i would hate him and now i do. i really hate him for the lies and for not saying or doing anything as i suffer in physical pain. i even saw something on his penis once and he told me he had fallen asleep and the zipper on his pants caused the marks... guess i am stupid.

I don't think you sound stupid. But I do understand how you feel. I, too, was deceived by the man who gave me herpes.

You see, the thing is, when people lie and deceive, they have a choice about how they can view themselves. They can think, "I guess I'm a lowlife, a cheat and a liar. No one can trust me." OR they can think, "Boy is she DUMB!!! What a dumb chick!!! She'll believe ANYTHING!!! What a fool."

Guess which one they decide to think. It's always easier to believe that the victim deserves bad treatment when you are the one dishing it out.

Just don't buy into it. There is a big difference between being stupid and making a stupid mistake and then correcting it. The only stupid thing you did is to spend time with him. And you've corrected it.

I'm with Shayna. I think you should change your screen name when you are ready. Maybe something like goodbyetobadmen.

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guessiamstupid

thank you so much, i didnt know if anyone would actually take the time out to read what i wrote. i haven't talked to anyone about it except my mom. i suspected it for years. last year i told him i didn't want to have sex anymore... no premarital sex, and he became angry and frustrated. i moved back in with my mom and i haven't talked to him since. i don't plan on speaking to him or confronting him about this. i am abstaining, i was very serious when i told him that, but i already know he would say that i got it from someone else. he would call me a s*u*, but he's the only man who has ever treated me like one. it's really sad that he wasted 8 years of my my time. after we broke up, he got a new job (something he refused to do when we were together) and he's making $2000 per week now, having lots of fun, while i am alone living with my mom and struggling with my family to make ends meet. he's just not a good person, and i tried for way too long. i really do want to forget about him... and you are right, he never did love me. that's not love.

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tlt0109

Pretty stupid here...

Hi there--I'm new here and have spent lots of time reading what people have posted. I was dumb enough to believe my ex fiance when he told me the blister was from friction. Then, when I got the diagnosis and told him, instead of accusing me of cheating on him or worrying if I gave it to him, his response was, "Oh, sorry, I didn't think you'd get it...." Never mind we'd HAD the STD discussion and he evidently lied about it. I'm glad to have found this support group--I'm glad there are others out there to help you and me realize we're not stupid--what they did in not telling us was wrong.

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