Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  

What NOT to Do

Recommended Posts


This is what not to do. If you have Herpes, you need to tell your partner and you need to tell them as soon as you find out. Here is my story.

I was in a relationship with a great guy when I got a phone call from my ex-boyfriend who had cheated on me. He cheated on me while we were together and he got herpes. I was even more upset, ashamed, embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. I had already been intimate with my current boyfriend and I didn't know what my status was.

I went to get tested. Sure enough, I was positive. I was beyond upset, depressed, angry. I had potentially exposed the person I loved and was in a relationship with. I was so afraid of being rejected, ashamed of people finding out that I had herpes. There is so much stigma and I am so afraid of being judged. I wanted to protect him so I went on suppressive therapy and researched herpes. I wanted to have all the information so I could explain everything to him.

I couldn't find the courage to talk to my boyfriend. I was at a loss of what to do. I ended up marrying this wonderful man and finally I found the courage to tell him. He is extremely upset and I don't blame him for being upset. He told me that I should have told him from the beginning and now he doesn't know if he will ever trust me again. He is still thinking about our relationship and our future. Had I been honest in the beginning, it wouldn't have come down to this. I have potentially ruined the best thing in my life.

My hope is the whoever reads this will find courage to make the right decision right away in your relationship. Learn from my mistake and don't repeat it.

I'm not a bad person. I just was scared and hurt and I didn't want to be hurt again, but now I am so please learn from my mistake.

For anyone out there who reads this and has a similary story to share, please help offer any advice.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

All that you can do is to show him how deep your feelings really are for him and show him the pain that you have for being so frightened to speak much earlier. Lay it all on the line now. I really don't like this word, but maybe it is time to beg for forgiveness.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


...telling someone is less stressful, and less destructive to the relationship, than not telling him. Lots of people here put themselves through torture over not telling. I, like everyone here, fear rejection over my herpes. But if you tell, you then may or may not be rejected. If you don't tell, and that person finds out, or you eventually do tell as you did...that is almost always more destructive to the relationship than telling would have been.

If you have been honest with him about everything else, and this is the only thing, you might be able to get him to see that. I hope it works out for you.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • lali
      I notice in the morning several white bumps and inflammation. An 1h or 2 after and the usual burning sensation, stomach cramps, and vaginal discharge. I took a second dose of valacyclovir during lunch (i take it daily before going to bed but dose up to twice a day if i have an ob) and tonight the symptoms are already gone. No more white bumps, maybe some tiny open sores that i cant really see and some inflammation. How the hell is this possible? Can my herpes ob heal that fast? Does it happen to anybody else? I read they usually last 2 to 3 days. 
    • Mike2026
      I had unprotected sex about 3 days ago and I got a single bump that has no fluid, but has a yellow tint to it when I shine a flashlight on it. I shaved recently before the unprotected sex and had some irritation prior. Is this yellow coloration associated with herpes? Please let me know if you guys think this is herpes? Thanks
    • Cas9
      Are you sure it's not related to diet and subsequent weight gain since you got hsv?
    • blurneworder
      I mentioned in a post that I have a burning sensation on my mouth. Dermatologist keeps trying to say it's Fordyce spot, but cannot give me a solid explanation as to why my lips burns and how my girlfriend developed the exact same symptoms.  I find it unlikely that two people both have flu-like symptoms, tingling on the lips, and they both got it at the same time.
    • blurneworder
      You literally never kiss your partner?

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.