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What NOT to Do

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This is what not to do. If you have Herpes, you need to tell your partner and you need to tell them as soon as you find out. Here is my story.

I was in a relationship with a great guy when I got a phone call from my ex-boyfriend who had cheated on me. He cheated on me while we were together and he got herpes. I was even more upset, ashamed, embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. I had already been intimate with my current boyfriend and I didn't know what my status was.

I went to get tested. Sure enough, I was positive. I was beyond upset, depressed, angry. I had potentially exposed the person I loved and was in a relationship with. I was so afraid of being rejected, ashamed of people finding out that I had herpes. There is so much stigma and I am so afraid of being judged. I wanted to protect him so I went on suppressive therapy and researched herpes. I wanted to have all the information so I could explain everything to him.

I couldn't find the courage to talk to my boyfriend. I was at a loss of what to do. I ended up marrying this wonderful man and finally I found the courage to tell him. He is extremely upset and I don't blame him for being upset. He told me that I should have told him from the beginning and now he doesn't know if he will ever trust me again. He is still thinking about our relationship and our future. Had I been honest in the beginning, it wouldn't have come down to this. I have potentially ruined the best thing in my life.

My hope is the whoever reads this will find courage to make the right decision right away in your relationship. Learn from my mistake and don't repeat it.

I'm not a bad person. I just was scared and hurt and I didn't want to be hurt again, but now I am so please learn from my mistake.

For anyone out there who reads this and has a similary story to share, please help offer any advice.

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All that you can do is to show him how deep your feelings really are for him and show him the pain that you have for being so frightened to speak much earlier. Lay it all on the line now. I really don't like this word, but maybe it is time to beg for forgiveness.

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...telling someone is less stressful, and less destructive to the relationship, than not telling him. Lots of people here put themselves through torture over not telling. I, like everyone here, fear rejection over my herpes. But if you tell, you then may or may not be rejected. If you don't tell, and that person finds out, or you eventually do tell as you did...that is almost always more destructive to the relationship than telling would have been.

If you have been honest with him about everything else, and this is the only thing, you might be able to get him to see that. I hope it works out for you.

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