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FLSingleFemale

Question about testing...and just weird

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FLSingleFemale

Had some generic questions about different testings during physicals, ob/gyn and military.

Had a phone conversation with my ex last night that left me a lot confused. He started off on a rant about how I couldn't possibly have not known I had HSV-2 and that I intentionally didn't tell him before we had sex.

1. I have racked my brain and thought over the last couple of years and the only time I have had any kind of open genital sores was immediately after vigorous sex (friction burns) that went away within a day or two. The only otherthing I can think of is yeast infections, but OTC Monistat effectively treated them and by that I mean the day after taking, the symptoms of the yeast infection were gone (no more itchiness, discharge) Could these have been Outbreaks I just didn't recognize? Could they have gone away that fast or been treated effectively with Monistat if they were Outbreaks?

2. He indicated that during my yearly Physicals with my Primary Care Physician I would have had a full blood workup done which would have showed I had Herpes. I don't recall all the testing done on my blood for a yearly physical, but I don't remember any STD tests being done as a matter of routine - is this different for everyone or dependent on the doctor?

3. OB/Gyn - this one I believe I already know, but he indicated my Gyn exams should have shown something - but I believe that unless I had an outbreak when I went in, or indicated to the doctor that I believed I had been exposed, no testing would have been done.

4. When you enlist in either active duty or military reserves - during the physicals does the military automatically test you for all possible STD's including Herpes? My main question on this is his stating that he didn't have it because when he entered military reserves 2 years ago he passed the physical and nothing showedup - I understand he could have requested the test, but his assertions above kind of indicate he had the same knowledge of herpes and testing as I did before I tested positive -i.e, none.

He also told me he had been all around the world (when he was in the Navy) and had sex in some nasty whorehouses and with nasty prostitutes(his exact description) and that it wasn't until he was 49 and having sex with me that he now may have it (yes, I loved the comparison).

The whole conversation just really baffled me. I'm not quite sure why we even had it or what the point of it was, but I feel like he is in complete denial and acting like a moron. He even told me that if I fessed up to knowing I had it and not telling him, everything would be fine. And by being fine he meant he would no longer be pissed off at me - at this point I don't care, just really curious about the above.

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breckgirl

You don't get tested randomly by your doctors. You have to ask for it. I had that physical your guy was talking about before I joined the Navy and the doctor didn't pull me aside and say "Um, Miss, you are aware you have the anti-body for HSV right?" Did the MEPS people tell him "Yep! You are good to go!" Perhaps he should get a copy of his medical record and look at the results of his blood work from his yearly physicals while in the Navy. I bet he would be surprised. But oh wait a minute...they don't just automatically test for that. Hmmm...around the world in eighty crotches, uh I mean eighty days, uh I mean eighty skanky ho's, and "I never got anything until I was with you"...lol (just kidding..sort of). My dear, he is just trying to justify his feelings. If he has not tested positive for the anti-body, then he should just chalk it up to experience and move on and stop making you his whipping girl. If he tests positive, then perhaps he needs to take a good long look at his social history and keep an open mind as to who did what to whom.

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solvingtheproblem

Your ex is transferring the bad/fearful feelings he's having about himself onto you, so that he won't have to deal with them. I've definitely experienced that with some exes who can't handle their emotions effectively. He's doing anything -- including unfairly lashing out at you -- in order to make himself feel better. The fact that he could admit to having sex with prostitutes but not be adult enough to check his records to see if he's been tested specifically for HSV says a lot about his character. Ick.

You can MOST DEFINITELY have HSV without recognizable symptoms. ASHA says that 90% of the 50+million people with HSV2 (that doesn't include the HSV1 people) are unaware that they have it...they have no symptoms, or something so mild that they confuse it with something else.

OB/GYNs do NOT include HSV in annual exams. Your thoughts on #3 are totally correct.

He could very well have acquired it a long time ago, attributed it to jock itch, and have given it to you way back when. There's simply no way of knowing at this point.

I'd be willing to bet that he won't even check into his past tests, much less go get tested now. IMHO, your assessment of him in the last paragraph is appropriate.

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FLSingleFemale

Also he told me he has gotten cold sores for years - if he had truly been tested for herpes that would have showed up on his test results - at least some HSV-1 antibodies?? Its funny (kinda), he speaks so authoritatively that it makes you start doubting your own knowledge.

Thanks for the responses! I really appreciate you all taking the time out of your day!!!

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solvingtheproblem

Exactly. Have you been diagnosed with GHSV1 or 2? If it's GHSV1, there's a distinct possibility you may have acquired it from him. Is he even aware that cold sores are HSV, and can be transmitted via oral sex?

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FLSingleFemale

I have tested positive for HSV-2, no recognizable outbreaks to date - so I am going on the assumption of genital until I can find out for sure

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FLSingleFemale

Ooops! Forgot to answer the final question....and I quote "I don't believe that bullshit about cold sores being herpes".

Has anyone ever thanked God for testing positive? I can't believe the bad judgement I had with this guy, he's done a complete 180 from the guy I originally started dating!!!!

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gotitsowhat

This guy's like an encyclopedia

of incorrect information! He really needs to do a little research. But to be fair about it, a lot of people are just as ignorant as he is about this. Here are some answers to your questions/comments:

Had some generic questions about different testings during physicals, ob/gyn and military.

Had a phone conversation with my ex last night that left me a lot confused. He started off on a rant about how I couldn't possibly have not known I had HSV-2 and that I intentionally didn't tell him before we had sex.

1. I have racked my brain and thought over the last couple of years and the only time I have had any kind of open genital sores was immediately after vigorous sex (friction burns) that went away within a day or two. The only otherthing I can think of is yeast infections, but OTC Monistat effectively treated them and by that I mean the day after taking, the symptoms of the yeast infection were gone (no more itchiness, discharge) Could these have been Outbreaks I just didn't recognize? Could they have gone away that fast or been treated effectively with Monistat if they were Outbreaks?

2. He indicated that during my yearly Physicals with my Primary Care Physician I would have had a full blood workup done which would have showed I had Herpes. I don't recall all the testing done on my blood for a yearly physical, but I don't remember any STD tests being done as a matter of routine - is this different for everyone or dependent on the doctor?

3. OB/Gyn - this one I believe I already know, but he indicated my Gyn exams should have shown something - but I believe that unless I had an outbreak when I went in, or indicated to the doctor that I believed I had been exposed, no testing would have been done.

4. When you enlist in either active duty or military reserves - during the physicals does the military automatically test you for all possible STD's including Herpes? My main question on this is his stating that he didn't have it because when he entered military reserves 2 years ago he passed the physical and nothing showedup - I understand he could have requested the test, but his assertions above kind of indicate he had the same knowledge of herpes and testing as I did before I tested positive -i.e, none.

He also told me he had been all around the world (when he was in the Navy) and had sex in some nasty whorehouses and with nasty prostitutes(his exact description) and that it wasn't until he was 49 and having sex with me that he now may have it (yes, I loved the comparison).

The whole conversation just really baffled me. I'm not quite sure why we even had it or what the point of it was, but I feel like he is in complete denial and acting like a moron. He even told me that if I fessed up to knowing I had it and not telling him, everything would be fine. And by being fine he meant he would no longer be pissed off at me - at this point I don't care, just really curious about the above.

1. MOST people who have herpes have NO symptoms. This is true for the vast majority of herpes infected people. And some infected people have only very mild symptoms that they mistake for something else. Lots of people think that herpes is a terrible, horrible condition because of the photos they see on the Internet. That is because the only way you can even photograph an outbreak is to find a very bad one because the usual outbreak is too small to photograph easily. And, yes, yeast infections, as well as UTIs seem to go with herpes, so when you've had numerous yeast infections, it could be a sign of herpes. Herpes is really not that easy to identify. And yes, cold sores ARE most definitely a form of herpes, usually hsv1.

2. Doctors do everything they can to avoid giving herpes tests and to avoid a herpes diagnosis. This is the official medical stand on hsv. When a doctor or a clinic, like Planned Parenthood, gives you what they like to call "a full STD screening" it almost never includes herpes. It would be extremely unusual for a doctor to decide to test you for herpes unless you had obvious symptoms--and even then, doctors are very inclined to tell you that it's probably something other than herpes. Please read my post, Doctor Dictionary (it's under Personal Experiences, but you'll have to search for it) about all of the reasons and ways doctors avoid a herpes diagnosis.

3. Gynecologists generally do not test for herpes unless there is an obvious outbreak. When I was diagnosed, at a Kaiser facility, I had to go to SIX doctors (all gynecologists) before I could get diagnosed; the first five doctors I saw refused to test me for herpes point blank although I was having a painful series of outbreaks! The only reason the sixth doctor agreed to have me tested was that it was his third day working at Kaiser and he did not yet know the unofficial policy Kaiser and most other medical facilities have about not diagnosing herpes if possible. (He told me all of this at the time I was diagnosed).

4. Some other people on this forum have asked about the military situation. So I went into a U.S. military recruiting center here (in Norwalk, CA) and asked the somewhat embarrassed young man there about military policies on herpes. He said that they do not test for herpes in the military, neither during induction nor during service, unless there is an obvious outbreak. Unless your boyfriend had an outbreak and went to a doctor during his service, he would not have been tested. The herpes virus is not considered a disqualifying element during induction but it could be if it were a noticeable outbreak.

It is entirely possible that, even after all of that cathousing he did, he did not catch herpes. Actually, sex workers are often the most careful about hygiene and condoms because their living depends on it. However, if he is 49, the odds are overwhelming that he carries SOME form of the herpes virus and if he has had a cold sore, he definitely has a form of herpes, probably hsv1. And, yes, it can be spread to the genitals through oral sex. That is the fastest growing new herpes diagnosis.

Some people become very defensive about herpes. They are convinced that THEY could never get herpes, or at least not genital herpes. Yet one in four women and one in five men have hsv2GH--and the vast majority of them do not know it.

I wonder if he would have the nerve to get the herpes blood test. It is accurate when given at least 3 months from exposure. He sounds like one of those people who just doesn't want to know that he might have it because it is so much easier to just feel superior to someone who does.

He is the type of person that makes people feel suicidal when they are diagnosed; he IS the herpes social stigma. Oh, well, maybe he'll grow out of it...oh, wait a minute, he's already 49 so that's not too likely at this point.

You could send him the facts, maybe a booklet from the American Social Health Association or a public health clinic booklet or some info from this forum...? He probably lacks the guts to get tested (why are assholes so often cowards, too?) but you could hand him the facts anyway, just in case he evolves into a responsible adult one of these days (or years). Or send him some of the responses to your post from this website and ask him to confirm this information with any doctor or clinic.

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