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Lookonthesunnyside

Got asked out then had my party pooped on

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Lookonthesunnyside

So, last night at work I had a guy come in with some friends and sit in my section. (I work at a pub/bar). I recognized this guy immediately as "that cute guy that works at the bank" that I had told a couple of my friends about. At one point after bringing over some drinks I asked him if he worked t the bank and told him I recognized him with a flirty smile. Then at the end of the meal he left me a note on the back of the receipt with his number and a note that said "coffee sometime?". So that was pretty exciting! Thats never happened to me before that I've had my eye on a stranger and then they end up asking me out! Weird eh?

Anyways, at the end of my shift I was talking to an employee (who's actually a huge douche) and he ended up blabbing to me that one of the girls I work with has herpes and that he knows because he's friends with a couple guys who "were going to" sleep with her. At first I pointed out that it could be a rumor to which he said "No, she has it. I know" I said that I knew a couple people with herpes and that it wasnt a big deal. Anyways, I was tired and didnt feel like going on an educational rant to someone who I think is pretty dim anyways. I was just thinking "ugh, you dick"...a) you're talking crap about someone's personal bizz to me, and B) you're putting a damper on my excitement.

I dont want to be afraid and turn away something that could be good, but hearing that made me feel like "ugh..I could be the subject of this conversation a few months from now, is it worth the risk?" I know thats a risk we all take but I just went through sooo much crap with my ex because of this, I'm tempted to just give myself a break from this and not pursue it.

I donno though. I think I might just take it suuuper slow and just try and have fun. I'm scared though! Eek.

Anyways...thats my story. Just thought it was pretty ironic/annoying that right after the first time I'm asked out since my ex some ass blabs to me about some girl having herpes. Give me a break world!! ;)

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angellady

I'd say go for the date. You never know, and it's just a date! You're not getting married! So, go and have fun.

And as for people blabbing about your personal business, make sure you know the person well enough and you trust them before you start telling them something as personal as having herpes. I guess this is just a warning to you to make sure the next person you tell, can be trusted. If you don't trust the person, well you should be dating them and you shouldn't tell them your personal business anyways.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

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GntiNh

"Give me a break world" it will - I just wish I knew when:o

Good luck with your decision

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CR25

Irony never stops for sure. I know exactly how you feel. You sound like you are a cool chick. Too bad you're in Ontario, Id like to be your friend. But seriously, I keep my shit so DL...cuz I KNOW how ppl are. They LOVE to talk.

There was this one guy I dated for a short time, and felt obligated to bring it up. It ended up ending the relationship...but he was young. We had played in a band together shortly. But it was actually good cuz he was a huge stoner and cig smoker and not a good influence for me. So in that sense, H saved me from a waste of time guy. But, I never trusted him keeping his mouth shut, so I never wanted to see him or anyone again, and Ive managed not to.

So...my advice...def go out with the guy. Take it slow, always keeping in mind, "don't let anyone in unless they are worthy." That's the plus side of H...we don't get stuck in shitty relationships. So many guys flirt with me when I go out, and 99% I don't like, so H is a good thing to force meto raise my standards. ya kno?

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JBnATL

Go for it!!!!!!!

Don't let idiots determine how you live your life. If you are attracted to this guy, go for it!

I have had this disease many years and have never had a rejection after giving the 'talk'.

So I would advise you to call this guy up and see where it leads.

Good luck!

JB

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Lookonthesunnyside

Thanks everyone! I ended up messaging him yesterday over facebook but havent heard back yet. So thats kinda got me a bit worried but I'm hoping that he's just waiting or hasnt been on yet. (I know not everyone goes on facebook ten times a day like me ;))

And CR25, how sweet of you to say! We can be cyber friends :)

Its true too, it does force you to really examine how you feel about them before sharing something so personal. I worry sometimes though that I'll get too caught up in worrying that they'll except me that I wont think enough of how I feel about them. But with all the risks involved; them possibly blabbing, or contracting it, I'm definitely going to make sure I focus a lot on what I want too.

Sooo I will keep you all updated if anything does happen!

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Lookonthesunnyside

Also JB, your posts are always so uplifting and encouraging. I think we would all love a "the secret to my success - by JB" thread. Haha. I'm only half kidding though. What do you find is really key in not only giving the talk but also not letting it negatively affect your relationship? Please share!

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chooseyourbattles

I think it's all in the kind of people you attract. JB probably attracts more open-minded people than average.

I'll admit that I have pretty good success with this, too. But JB, how do you do it?

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TheArcheologist

I agree with JB go for it! I've had the talk twice, one almost turned into a relationship but I knew the girl had security issues and didn't want to put her though the hardships if she contracted it. the other said no but we are still friends and there is no awkwardness between the two of us.

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JBnATL
Also JB, your posts are always so uplifting and encouraging. I think we would all love a "the secret to my success - by JB" thread. Haha. I'm only half kidding though. What do you find is really key in not only giving the talk but also not letting it negatively affect your relationship? Please share!

Well I get making sure those I date know as much as possible. Information is key for them to understand that this is really no big deal. I also tell them that I take extra precautions by taking suppressive meds.

I am glad you enjoy my posts.

JB

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Lookonthesunnyside

So he did write me back, said it had taken him a while because he had been away camping for a week and that he was still up for going for a drink.

I havent written back yet :-? I honestly just cant decide if I want to pursue it or give myself a break from potentially stressful situations. And now I've left it so long he probably thinks I'm over it, or that i'm immaturely taking a long time to write back because he did to me haha...

Aggh I also have hundreds of dollars to deposit in the bank (I'm a server as I said), and havent been because I'm afraid he'll be working and it'll be awkward! Oh jeez.

Anyways, this is an annoying message because people have already said "go for it!" and I havent. Donno if I will. :confused:

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EclecticMan

Hi - my name is Dan, and I'm a herpoholic (oh wait this isn't AA...)

Sorry, first time posting so I had to at least attempt to be funny. I don't know anything about you aside from the few messages I have read here, but I think I can safely ask: ARE YOU NUTS??;) You sounded so excited before captain dbag rained on your mental parade. What would you be thinking if that dbag didn't exist? You probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. If you don't go on a date, the douche wins, and as a member of the rebellion against douchebaggery, I simply cannot allow that!

Seriously though - the guy was away for a whole week camping! Anyone who goes camping for longer than 2 days is likely a very cool person. And actually, I have a short story to accompany that. Last week I was on my way back from fishing/camping on Isle Royale for two weeks, and decided to stop in the Copper Country for a night and have a few brews in the local pubs, see the scenery, etc. Well, some girl thought I was good looking and gave me her phone number and asked if I would stay in town one day longer so we could go on a date of sorts.

Now, having just come off of a 2 week kayaking/camping trip and spending 2 weeks in the sun, of course I have a (cold sore) herpes outbreak. I had done a decent job of combating it with my methods, but it was still on my lower lip and cracking. I could have gotten all freaked out about it (and nearly did,) and not have gone on the date, but I didn't. In fact, during the first 10 minutes of our dinner my lip split open and started bleeding. I just told her my lips were sun burned and had split open. I had made up my mind well before the date that I would not do anything physically with her nor share any drinks with her or anything. If it went beyond that date, I would tell her, but I don't think it will. However, had I not gone on that date, I would not have met some amazing people, gone out on Portage Lake on a pontoon boat and swam in the lake at sunset, I would not have laid out on the hood of a nearly perfect strangers car on a beach and saw more stars in the sky than you can imagine while a lightening storm rolled in off of the water. It was a great experience that I would not have had if I had allowed herpes to control my life.

Sorry for the length - this being my first post and the first time I have been able to share this topic with someone is quite refreshing. So! I hope you go through with it, and don't let douchy guys and douchy viruses control your life.

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Shayna

OT....Hey EclecticMan, I loved the visual you gave the evening of your date. It sounded awesome!

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SeizeTheDay07

I agree with everyone! Go for it!! Besides, you really don't have to tell him yet. Just see how it goes, it's only a date. Don't let herpes stop you from having some fun! Give the guy a chance, maybe he's really cool! If not, then you're better off. Just take things slow and see what happens :)

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Wishing Well

Go hang with the dude and dont get carried away. Worst case secenario you keep him at arms length and hes a cool guy mate to have around.

Good luck and lettuce know how it goes.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Good luck and lettuce know how it goes.

haha, for some reason i'm craving a salad.

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EclecticMan

OT-- Butterfly, your courage quote reminded me of one of my favorite quotes that is similar to yours.

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey that's cool, Ambrose Redmoon said the quote in my signature. It's encouraging and true.

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lovemeforwhoiam

I'm wondering, does the guy from the bank know anyone you work with? As in well enough to tell them something like this about you? I've worked in many restaurants and I've found that lots of people there tend to sleep with each other, and lots of people tend to talk about each other. If this bank guy is out of that loop, I don't think it will really be a problem. I'd say go out with him, feel him out a bit, and then decide if he's even worth telling!

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keeponlivin31

How do you do it?

I have had this disease many years and have never had a rejection after giving the 'talk'.

So I would advise you to call this guy up and see where it leads.

Good luck!

JB

SOO...we're all wondering how you've managed to not be rejected after the 'talk'. I'm in a situation I'd like some advice about (will write other thread) but in the short term, is there a special way you deliver the news? timeframe? please share your wisdom! :-)

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Wishing Well

Bump.

What's the latest?

This is better than the OC season 1.

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Lookonthesunnyside

Hahaha

Umm so I never wrote back :/ I know, I know. And then I saw him downtown yesterday! Eek. I donno if he saw me too but I'm thinking he did. I kinda feel bad but oh well.

Another guy on the weekend asked me out (when we were drunk tho) and asked me for my number and said he would call me. He ended up texting me on monday and we were sending texts back and forth until yesterday, but he never again actually mentioned getting together. I even tried to steer it that way a bit but it didnt happen. Any men (or women) have an opinion on why he would ask me out and contact me but then not mention getting together? Does he feel like he's done his part and is waiting for me to say something? Last night we were texting while I was at work and I got busy and couldnt write back and havent since.

Part of me is thinking I'll just leave it, then another part of me is actually thinking of sending a text being like "so are we going out or not" haha not that rudely though obviously.

Hmmm...he's cute. But kind of being a wimp? He might be nice for the occasional makeout though ;)

Should I tell him to add me to msn or fb? I kinda like it being low-pressure right now and wouldnt mind chatting online and through texts for the moment.

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GntiNh

Go for it, and see what happens.

PS I'm not the best person to take relationship advise from :rolleyes:

but let us know

Take care

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sweetheart87

Really that guy is a dick, don't listen to him, GO ON THE DATE!!!!! The date could be super exciting, and something that could bring on a new relationship. Just go slow with the guy, it's not like he's asking you to jump in the sack and have sex...he just asked for coffee. If it gets to the point of you really really like this guy and he's really into you, then have the talk. You don't have to have the talk with every guy you go on a date with, you have to be able to trust the guy first.

Go on the DATE...you will have a great time!!!!

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