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Lookonthesunnyside

Possibly one of the worst nights of my life

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Lookonthesunnyside

Tonight I ran into the guy who gave me herpes for the first time since I told him what happened. He proceeded to tell me that he's still having sex "taking the necessary precautions", I HIGHLY doubt he's told the girl, and then actually questioned me/tried to blame me for the whole thing. This is a guy who when I confronted hadn't been to the doctor's in 5 years, had lost his health card, aka had never been tested for stds and was irresponsible and promiscuous.

Having him try and blame me was actually just too much to handle and I'm ashamed/embarrassed to say that it actually brought me to tears in front of him. I showed how much this has affected me to the guy who gave it to me, who's going on living his life as normal and who threw it in my face.

In the past 2 years I was cheated on by my long term bf, contracted herpes, had a guy's family reject me for it, had him expose my status then turn around and start dating someone else, and now have had this thrown in my face as if it was my fault by the person who gave this to me.

I have tried to be optimistic but I honestly just feel so beaten down and I have no faith that things will ever be okay. I'm so soo tired of feeling depressed, I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like things are never gonna be okay and are never gonna look up.

I'm sorry for the depressing posts lately, I'm just feeling like I cant cope anymore. I've had a couple drinks but I feel this way when I'm sober too. I just have no faith in life and have pretty much lost all hope.

I dont know what to do or how to feel better, I feel so helpless.

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EB2009

Dont stress it girl!

If it makes you feel any better lets got beat the shit out of him im down! Lol

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luckyCat

While I dont know this guy from a bag of rocks, he strikes me as the kind of worm who would totally go crawl back under one if he were to be confronted in a way that was loud, raucous and totally obnoxious.

Unfortunately thats notmy style either, and I most likely wold have ended up blanching as well.

That said, Im a firm believer that at some point, you get what you put out into this universe, and boy is he asking for his.

Does his current partner know his status? Too bad you cant anonymously tell her.

Im sorry you keep having these things happen. Sending you BIG hugs right now.

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GntiNh

Life sucks:(

Big hugs and keep ranting - get it out

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JBnATL

It will get better

Hi, Life can be tricky sometimes, but try and keep a positive outlook.

You cannot change the past, but you can affect your future.

Good luck!

JB

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Lookonthesunnyside

luckyCat - I could tell from his response and the way that he tried to turn this on me that he has not told this girl his status. I think I even flat out asked him if he was being honest with people and thats when he lost his shit and tried to blame me. Honestly, even considering that this guy would ever have the bravery and morality to admit something like this is giving him waaaayy too much credit. He has the most fragile ego hidden by the most offensive and selfish behavior I've ever seen in a person. Its not shocking to me at all, it was just hard to look him in the face and pretty much hear it from him. Also to know that he's taken the easy way out of this while I'm suffering trying to do the right thing pisses me off.

Ugh, I just woke up today with the worst sinking feeling after what happened last night. Everything about him just sends off red flags in my mind, and I ALWAYS regret any contact I have with him. Damn that alcohol and unfortunate circumstances last night!

I'm more pissed now that I cried infront of him and let him see how much I'm hurting. I honestly am afraid to think of just how honest I might have been about that. I'm just trying to think that his thoughts are irrelevant anyways and not worry too much about whatever happened.

Thanks for the support though everyone! Today was a bad, hungover day. :-?

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Butterfly of the Moment

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I feel I couldn't have said it better than Eleanor Roosevelt. I would never let him believe for one second that you are in the wrong...he surely must be the one to give you the virus and it is plain to see that he is in denial...the fact that he has never been tested and has been with many women and on top of that, has you telling him that he gave you herpes...he's a jackass living in ignorance b/c I KNOW he couldn't face the truth even if it stared him in the eyes...some people take the easy way out...the guy that gave me GH does not know he infected me...I don't want to hear his voice again let alone call him up and tell him the diagnosis (he's a close friend of a family member and some people I still talk to abroad)...he didn't even remember how many women he slept with and lied and said he gets tested all the time and is "clean clean clean." I know the names of everyone I slept with and the number and have been tested 5 times because I always thought it was important to know if I have something (i took a sexual health class and it stuck with me). I have now pretty much accepted having the virus...I had an epiphany last week...my boyfriend and I had a fight and he was going to LEAVE me...end things...I was in mental agony b/c I didn't think I could face the world alone again. I sat alone for the rest of the night thinking of ways I could get him back b/c I love him, but then I realized he might not come back...so I began to think of the things I would have to do to revive my self worth and make my life inspiring...I had this old dream buried inside me I put on the back burner...to join the peace corps or partake in a similar project...I've never thought of myself as the settling down type and always thought I would do something important in life but I got my first boyfriend and I forget for a while...this may not be the answer to other people's problems but for me "if my life was not just about me, I would see the bigger picture and not sweat the small stuff." I am the only person that will never leave me. After that, I felt tremendously better. The next day my boyfriend and I had a talk and he and I will attempt to work it out. But I will never again beg a man not to leave ME...I gave everything I had so I know that I am worth having...and would make a fantastic partner...but if I can't be that then I am going to be a fantastic something else. I now have a plan of action for when I am all alone and that lifts me up...b/c I am not in a rock solid relationship. For now, I have set small goals for myself...I will attempt to get my second degree (i just graduated in March haha)...b/c this having no money business is b.s. FIND a way to lift yourself up...there is a solution out there for you too.

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gotitsowhat

If you can't avoid running into him...

luckyCat - I could tell from his response and the way that he tried to turn this on me that he has not told this girl his status. I think I even flat out asked him if he was being honest with people and thats when he lost his shit and tried to blame me. Honestly, even considering that this guy would ever have the bravery and morality to admit something like this is giving him waaaayy too much credit. He has the most fragile ego hidden by the most offensive and selfish behavior I've ever seen in a person. Its not shocking to me at all, it was just hard to look him in the face and pretty much hear it from him. Also to know that he's taken the easy way out of this while I'm suffering trying to do the right thing pisses me off.

Ugh, I just woke up today with the worst sinking feeling after what happened last night. Everything about him just sends off red flags in my mind, and I ALWAYS regret any contact I have with him. Damn that alcohol and unfortunate circumstances last night!

I'm more pissed now that I cried infront of him and let him see how much I'm hurting. I honestly am afraid to think of just how honest I might have been about that. I'm just trying to think that his thoughts are irrelevant anyways and not worry too much about whatever happened.

Thanks for the support though everyone! Today was a bad, hungover day. :-?

I would not let him get away with intimidating you. I would try to avoid him or ignore him. But if he insists on having any kind of conversation, I would tell him. "You made me cry. Anyone who does that has lost the right to speak to me. Know that you have made an enemy. If you are smart, you will not stir me up." I would say it coldly, quietly but with a deadly tone. Then I would say nothing.

This is just the sort of guy who ought to receive a summons to court so he can explain why he doesn't owe you medical expenses or other compensation; I would consider suing him.

As for the chick, send her an anonymous note. If he or she talks to you, ignore them. Do not admit sending the note even though he may well suspect it was you. Stir it up. Wouldn't you have liked a warning? If you do not know her email address, try to find her home address (phone book? Internet?) and write a note and mail it. If you really want to be bold about it, you could send it and sign it. But anonymous will work, too. You could go to a place she hangs out and give the waiter a tip to give it to her and not say it came from you. That might work. But however you do it, I would warn her.

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Now18

I'm so sorry all of this is going on right now for you. I've actually been able to relate to some of your posts recently, and I totally feel for you. Do you think maybe you have the tendency to get caught up with assholes? I know I do. You seem like a caring, reflective, and honest person from everything you have posted. Do not give up with guys, I have faith that you'll find someone worthy of you. But you might need to be more cautious and less forgiving. Hang in there!

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breckgirl

Lets get his girlfriend's email address and send an annonymous email. That may spur her to actually ask him if he was the one that sent it. The look on his face will say a thousand words to her.

I'm sorry you had to see that guy. What a schmo. I am listening to that song "Lost" by Coldplay on SNL right now. I love Coldplay, I could not believe the tickets to see them were over $100!!! Robbery! Anyway, empower yourself with music. Music always makes me feel better. Yesterday I listened to Alanis Morrisett. I really like the song Excuses.

"Why? No one will help me.

I am too dumb.

I'm too smart.

They'll not understand me.

I am lonely, they'll hate me.

There is not enough time, its too hard to help me

and God wants me to work, no resting, no lazy.

These excuses, how they serve me so well,

they've kept me safe, they've kept me stoic

they've kept me locked in my own cell"

You get the idea. And I am not implying YOU are making excuses, but I make a lot of them for everyone else. My kids, my former husband, my boyfriend...anyway...

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Lookonthesunnyside

Hey everyone, I actually have NO clue who the girl is. I know a couple of his guy friends but it might be kinda awkward asking about who he might be dating, they all knew us as a couple back in the day and I wouldnt want my prying to get back to him. If I ever did find out who she was though I probably would find an anonymous way of telling her. Its soo inconsiderate of him. But, not surprising.

I thought of messaging him and saying how outrageous and ridiculous it was for him to actually try and blame me, that we both know he's responsible and that he just cant face the guilt. But now I dont know if I'll say anything, unless we have another similar run-in. I remember the look on his face when I was like "NO - I was absolutely fine before you and we both know you're the one responsible for this, so dont even attempt to blame me", he knows. He's just sooo immature and cowardly he wants to try and take the blame off himself. Grrr.

Now18 - thank you for the sweet things you said. It means a lot. And yes, I have a bad history with guys. My friends know me as having bad luck but being strong and standing up for myself. Yet...I always wind up in situations where I'm having to tell a guy to eff off. I dont really know what I'm doing wrong, I feel like I end up with guys with very fragile egos who in the end always wind up trying to prove something. They say they really care about me (or love me) but then go do dickhead things. I dont really have any faith or trust in guys anymore, and dont really trust my judgment...kinda at a loss here. I'm sorry to hear you're having guy problems as well. Its not fun times at all.

Butterflyofthemoment - How are things going with you and your guy? I liked how you said "I am the only one who will never leave me" - so true! It really struck a nerve with me. And yes, making plans for yourself and doing what you feel will make you happy should not be forgotten when you're a part of a couple. It can be frighteningly easy to do so though. I intend on making a list of things I wanna do for me and goals I have. Good advice :)

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Butterfly of the Moment

hey, i'm glad my words can help out. i will tell myself whatever i have to so i don't wallow in unhappiness...that is not how i want to spend my time and it is like a treatment in a sense...changing my attitude. My boyfriend and I are doing well at the present...he does love me and wants to make it work...but we are opposites for the most part and that is a reason for most of the problems we have.

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Lookonthesunnyside

I know who the girl is

Saw him last Sat at a bar, with a girl I knew he had been hooking up with around the same time as me/before me. It became clear that they're seeing each other. I walked up to him when he was standing with her and flat out asked if he wanted me to tell her what I know. (Don't think she heard, I hope she did) He pulled me aside and said "she knows everything", which I highly doubt. Basically I freaked out, called him out on blaming me last time. Told him to at least take responsibility and admit what he had done. He admitted it was his fault and apologized for blaming me, said he was really drunk at the time. (Nice excuse?) Basically preceded to bitch him out for being such an ass/"ruining" my life. (Very drunken dramatics) All throughout this the girl kept coming around the corner to where we were talking and throwing a shit fit that he was there with me. (Probably the ugliest most bitter face I've ever been given) This made me wonder if she did know...but she also would know for sure that we dated, she went to high school with us, could know we hooked up more recently. Could just be a jealous girl, I donno. If she doesnt know I'm sure she was wondering what the hell I was yelling at him for...

I dont know. Actually considering that she does know and that he has managed to have a "normal" relationship and I havent pretty much made me see red. I honestly have never wanted to hit another person so hard in the face. (Is that psycho? :shock:)

He said during the convo that he felt horrible, had to "live with" the guilt of knowing what he's done to me. I said I dont think he feels shit. He said he wanted to meet up for coffee and talk sometime. (Not gonna happen)

Also, along with our first convo/fight kept being like "(my name), you're fucking gorgeous, its fine" "you're a ten" And its like excuse me...I dont need your pity compliments right now. I dont know if he was trying to insinuate that no one would care (which isnt true) or was just trying to pull out whatever he thought would make me feel better, but either way it didnt work. And ended up making my bitter/drunk mind think like "so you think I'm that hot yet you havent even showed that you want to sleep with me again since this"..which is another set of bs I wont get into.

Anyways, whole thing pissed me off and I really need to NOT run into him when I'm drunk. Ugh.

ps. this may bug some people but I'm not confronting the girl. She was so hostile towards me I dont think anything I could say would be met with any acceptance. And if she does know I'll look insane.

Anyways, thats the latest for those of you who may care haha

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ShockandAwe
If it makes you feel any better lets got beat the shit out of him im down! Lol

Hey are you asian? Not that it matters in this post racial world... but...

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devastatedbythis

I see nothing wrong with you crying in front of him that was something he needed to see and I wish him a good nights sleep each time he thinks about that look on your face. No telling how many other people he has infected. If his girlfriend doesnt know I am sure just like you she will soon find out. Dont tell her because all he will do is say that you gave it to him. If she is smart she would think that if you gave it to him he still never told her and that would reallly make him look like a rat. If you want to tell her and have the chance you can do that if you wish but he will only turn it on you and that would make you feel even worse.

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