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countrychick

Hello everyone

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countrychick

Hey everyone. I just signed up to the forum. I contracted genital herpes from my ex-boyfriend in September of last year and I am having a REALLY hard time dealing with the fact that I have it. I hate myself for not being more careful. Does this get any easier? I am only 21 and I’m worried that I won’t find anyone who will accept me because of the fact that I have it. And what’s going to happen when I decide to have kids? I would really love to talk to someone about all of this because I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Well besides my step mom who has had genital herpes for 3 years now. But I still feel I can’t be completely open about it with her and she can only give me so much advice considering she’s only had to tell one person. And that’s another thing any advice on how to tell a guy I have it? I get scared; I shake and cry when I have to tell someone. So if anyone would like to chat I would really love and appreciate it

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, I'm sorry that it's hard to cope with this information....first of all according to some text about 1/4 of all women who give birth have genital herpes and it is RARE indeed for a child to be harmed by this virus b/c women don't know they have the virus and when they are having an outbreak it can be transferred to the child from the birth canal...but if you are having an outbreak a c-section will be performed on you...but doctors would rather you give birth naturally so in most cases they won't approve a c-section unless you are having an outbreak...also they can put you on suppressive meds the last couple months of your pregnancy to reduce your chances of having an outbreak...so I think that having babies is not a problem...just be aware of your body. What works for some people when telling a potential partner doesn't always work for others, we all have our own style...a lot of it depends on the type of person you are telling...you must be able to trust someone and they must care about you a lot and not just like you...so yes, you can date but make sure that YOU really like the person too...check out the posts on this website...a lot of people post advice on this sort of thing. It's recommended you sit the person down in a private place and you are calm and collected...you definately need to be educated about the virus b/c if you can't answer their questions...it may be a problem b/c they feel you are trying to hide something or downplay the virus...tell them the precautions you can take as well as the statistics of transmission. You can also let them know you understand if they don't want to carry on the relationship but you wanted to be honest with them and give them a choice, which you never got. For example if you don't have sex during outbreaks, you use a condom, and you use valtrex, it's about a 1% transmission rate...taking a suppressive med will reduce viral shedding/outbreaks by 50%...so really the risk is not great. Anyone worth having is worth telling your secret to...

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JBnATL

It WILL get easier

Hi, sorry to hear you are having a tough time coping. But believe me it will get easier.

As you get older your body will get used to the virus and you should see the amount and duration of your outbreaks to come farther apart and shorter in duration. There are a few h dating sites you might want to look at. mpwh.com and positivesingles.com are two. Also do a search on "herpes support groups" there may be one in your area. The one here in the ATL really helped me out.

I have had quite a bit of experience in giving the 'talk', and have never been rejected. One of the keys is knowing as much as you can about the virus because they will have questions for you.

I start the talk casually and definitely do not say "I have something important to tell you". I actually start out by asking them if they have ever had a cold sore. If they say 'yes', I say I have the same thing different place. If she says 'no', I say I get cold sores down there. I do tell her it is herpes, but if you can get her to associate it with something she does not think is that bad, cold sores, she may not think it is that bad anymore.

Look up the statistics about how small the percentage is of transmission when using condoms and taking suppressive meds and Lysine.

Good luck!

JB

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Awayday

You have come to the right place because we are all in the same boat here. Not only that but there are very accepting and kind partners of people that have it who read these forums who want to do the right thing and give support. I've learnt so many things just by reading over the last few days here- its been a great help. The people here are really great and believe me when I say most of us have felt like you have- including me.

Just remember you are still a normal person and if any future partners can;t accept you for who you are- its their loss.

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