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Hey everyone, I just joined up today. I'm 24 years old and I think I have genital herpes. I mean I'm pretty sure I do, but I haven't gone to my doctor yet. What I'm really afraid of is being able to find a girl that will accept me knowing I have herpes. I'm interested in this girl right now and we've been talking for a while, we haven't done anything yet (in fact I've been avoiding that due to the obvious). I just wanna hear from people who are in relationships and how I can break the news to her. I'm really scared to tell her or anyone for that matter, I mean how do you tell someone you want to be with that you have herpes?? If herpes was curable then no problem right. anyway, sorry for rambling, I'm just scared and wanna know the best course of action.

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Hey blueguy85. I definitely know what you're going through right now. I have had genital herpes for almost a year now. And I have had to tell only a couple of people. The way I have been breaking the news is I tell the guy the precautions we can take (using a condom, I take valtrex everyday, no sex during an outbreak...) and I ask if he would please keep the fact that I have it to himself. I don’t really have that much experience at telling people but every little bit of info helps. I’m sure there are other ways to tell someone. And I am actually curious to hear other people’s advice. I hope that helps, even if it’s just a little bit.

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Do find out for sure from a doctor. I had to tell someone once. A close friend of hers also had it so she knew about it, and after learning more about it she chose to accept the risk and we were together 19 years, and as far as we know she did not get it. But she could have and some people do still get it even with precautions.

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Welcome to the club!

Definitely go to a dr and get tested. The most accurate test is the western blot test and you have to wait 12 - 16 weeks after infection to take it. It tests for antibodies to the virus and that is how long it takes your body to produce them.

I have had quite a bit of experience in giving the 'talk', and have never been rejected. One of the keys is knowing as much as you can about the virus because they will have questions for you.

I start the talk casually and definitely do not say "I have something important to tell you". I actually start out by asking them if they have ever had a cold sore. If they say 'yes', I say I have the same thing different place. If she says 'no', I say I get cold sores down there. I do tell her it is herpes, but if you can get her to associate it with something she does not think is that bad, cold sores, she may not think it is that bad anymore.

Look up the statistics about how small the percentage is of transmission when using condoms and taking suppressive meds and Lysine.

Good luck!


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WOW!! All that advice really sounds great guys. I wanna thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for that. And you're right, I need to go see my doctor ASAP. I'm not really scared about finding out as much as I am scared of telling this girl. She is the sweetest girl ever but I still have this horrible feeling that she'll freak out and never wanna seeme again. Anyway, thanks for the encouragememnt everyone and all the wonderfull advice and info you've provided.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • Herpeguy562
      Give it a try and report back to us. It's pretty safe vaccine approved by the FDA.
    • Skye249
      Have you tried changing your GP surgery? A decent doctor must surely realise that having back to back outbreaks warrants long term suppressive medication.  Aciclovir is available at very low cost to the NHS. I'd be firm with your doctor in what you'd like to do and make it clear you are educated on the relevant issues.  Don't be ashamed to talk to your GP. It is confidential.  FYI - walk in sexual health clinics (separate health record) are only as allowed to dispense a limited amount on the basis of episodic treatments. 
    • WilsoInAus
      I agree, herpes doesn’t show up as discrete little dots like your pic.
    • HereAndNowLater
      @Kurdt01Thank you! Very validating! And yes many doctors are so uninformed and misinformed it's incredibly frustrating.  ur right in multiple forums I've seen commenters invalidate someone's experience with herpes which is so weird. There's a wealth of experiences similar to both of ours but people put their hands to their ears and drill home "herpes is just a minor rash outbreak, nothing more."
    • friendlyboy
      I got the zinc acetate from an pharmacy in my town, they can't sell reagents but I know the pharmacist. I cost me about 10 € a 50 gr bottle, enough for a decade at the current rate of consumtion. Otherwise it is quite easy to get, you can buy it from a laboratory or even in ebay. I apply the treatment on my glans about 2-3 times a week, I've never had any problem or adverse effect so far.

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