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singerstar

do you need to tell exes?

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singerstar

i just learned from a bloodtest I was H 1 and 2 positive. I have never had genital outbreaks (I've had a few cold sores in my life around my mouth - maybe 4 or 5 over 20 years...) and the diagnosis was a shock. I was tested only because I was having bloodwork at an annual checkup and asked to be tested for all STDs as I was starting a new relationship. Anyway, I told my new guy and he got tested and came up negative. My gyno doesn't think I should be on valtrex as i have never had an outbreak and she thinks I have probably suppressed the virus but I was willing to go on it to cut down on the risk to the new guy.We are having problems and he broke up with me tonight because he says he cant trust me because I have not told my exes yet about my diagnosis and that is irresponsible and spreads herpes. It has been 6 weeks since I learned my status. he says I'm morally reprehensible. he doesn't understand i'm still dealing with my diagnosis and i'm angry with my two exes and not looking forward to talking to them, especially about something so personal. wow. I came home shocked and sad. That said, i found a site that sends anonymous emails to people informing them that they have been exposed to STDs and I sent these emails to my exes informing them the STD is herpes and they should be tested. So I told the old flames but it's too late for me and the current guy. Is he right to be so angry with me? so freakin' judgmental!

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Shayna

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your current boyfriend sounds like he is having trouble digesting this new information, too. It was a shock for you both. Give yourself, and your guy, a little time to figure things out. He could have a change of heart.

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breckgirl

I don't think it is right for him to guilt trip you into that. It doesn't affect him in any way shape or form whether or not you choose to disclose this to past lovers. I admire that you did that tho. My boyfriend had me convinced that I should do that same thing last weekend. I was all set to go to my last lover's house to tell him that I had HSV-1 and that I knew about it all along during the time we were kickin' it. I feared that he would literally hit me and promptly put a gun in his mouth. His reaction I fear the most. Anyway, I pulled myself together and decided that I was not going to tell this man that I had exposed him to the virus unless my current partner tests positive. To my knowledge I had never transmitted it to anyone and I was married for 11 years. My boyfriend told me tonight that if we break up that he was going to tell his friend (my ex) the reason. I told him "If you do not test positive for the virus, it is not your business to tell [him] about my sexual history." He said he would do it out of obligation because they had been friends for 15 years. I don't agree with that, but I cannot stop him from telling him. If he tests positive I will have to give that some serious thought because he may have had it before he met me and not gotten it from me. But I think I have already decided that if he tests positive that I will tell my ex lover that I tested positive for HSV, I gave it to my current boyfriend I am really sorry he should get tested. But I will not tell him that I knew I had it from the beginning. I am a coward that way. I guess the gist of what I am trying to say is this...don't let anyone bully you into disclosing that information to anyone that you do not want to know. Have you gotten any phone calls yet? What if the email goes directly into the spam folder and they never even see it?

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ntdc

I dont think its worth it unless you think you may know when you contracted the virus. HSV isnt life-threatening and those people have a responsibility to get themselves tested if they are concerned for their own health. You would be opening a big can of worms , worrying people for no reason, possibly getting people angry at you an as breckgirl pointed out this can have serious consequences for some people.

Breckgirl,

HSV-1 is a very common infection its not worth telling any past lovers about it, it is unlikely you have given them HSV-1 genitally from your genital infection. HSV-1 is not thought to be commonly transmitted genital-to-genital

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breckgirl

ntdc/ thank you. You have posted to my comments before and you always give me peace of mind. You are the bomb.

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JBnATL

It sounds like your bf is using this as an excuse

You have done the right think in informing your ex's even if it is anonymously. So your bf has no more excuses. It sounds like he needs some time to digest everything. Have him come to this site to learn more about this virus.

And come to the Live Chat room. Plenty of nice people there to offer you support.

JB

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