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Hey there, I am a new member here... I really don't know what to say... I am trying to find more support out there for genital herpes. I just found out I got them and am really scared. I am only 21, and I feel like I screwed up my whole life.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, I understand what you're feeling. I'm 23 and I caught genital herpes in May...I sometimes feel like my life is over. My brain can handle having the virus...it's a stigma that is the killer, but my heart is having trouble getting a grip. It's a minor skin condition for the most part, but having to hide it from the world for fear of being rejected or judged is a hard concept for most of us. It's the ignorant people who keep the stigma alive and we could do without those types of people anyways. I will tell you that the only thing that having this virus can affect is your sex life. I know it's scary having to tell people you are dating about this, this is the problem with having this virus. I know that if a man cares about you and is not subject to ignorance, then he will not run. I had to tell my exboyfriend I had herpes (I got it when we broke up and then we wanted to get back together) and he loved me so much he didn't care and still wanted to be with me.You are still the same person and should continue to carry on. It's okay to feel sad sometimes but make sure you don't stay sad. Don't let this control your life. You have to overcome this and yes, try to be positive. It's much easier to be down in the dumps all the time and you actually have to TRY to be positive and look on the bright side but it's the best way to go if you don't want to feel like shit all the time. You should look to see if you have any support groups in your area. I heard that they do wonders for people that go. Instant "relief".

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I still dont understand it hardly at all. I don't know when I got it... I went through a week period of my "college rebound" and dated a few guys, then found my current bf. None of the guys said they ever had an outrbreak before and all blamed me for messing around. My sexual number isn't high, so it makes me feel really terrible. How am I going to date anyone? People are going to walk away once I tell them.

I still don't understand much about it. I have read a lot, but people on here are talking about triggers... I only thought it was from stress... not food...

My outbreaks are so terrible I can hardly walk. They hurt, and are everywhere... from my buttcrack, all the way wrapping around... its terrible. I just finally got a job, but had no money for the copay for my meds, so it never really went away... its 2 weeks now and its just getting worse. Is there anything I can do or get that is cheap that will help it go away?

Why the hell is there no cure for this?

Is it that big of a deal?

It just sucks... I dont like thinking that I could end up giving this to my unborn child... I am not pregnant yet, but how terrible. I have no choice but getting a C-section. I want a support group... but the closest one is pretty far away, and I dont have money for counsiling. I don't want to talk to my family about it because they already freaked out when they heard about it.

I need support and I have no way of getting any. I sit at home and cry and just research this every night. I tried talking to my bf about it and he got mad, telling me I am just pitying myself and I need to move forward, although I get what he is saying, it hurts me very badly. I need to talk to someone.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where you got the virus. Approximately 40-60% of people don't get symptoms or recognize their symptoms...so the fact that these guys don't get outbreaks is not surprising. One of them may very well have given you the virus so for them to blame you outright is immature and ignorant and only a blood test can be trusted.

I think you should be able to talk to your boyfriend about this to vent, maybe not all the time, but when you need to. It's not nice if your boyfriend is not supportive. Yes, you should look ahead and try to move on, but this can't be done overnight. He shouldn't make you feel worst. I have a boyfriend too and he's willing to listen to me talk about this, sometimes it makes him sad but he tries to make me feel better. Does your boyfriend have herpes as well? I understand it's difficult to tell people. But not everyone walks away. People that care about you and not just likes you will not just brush you off once you tell them. The stigma influences people but if the men you choose are intelligent and not ignorant and if you present yourself as someone worth loving and being with, tell them in a calm and matter of fact tone that you have genital herpes, and if you are armed with knowledge about the virus so you can answer their questions then the talk will run more smoothly. (I gathered this info from other peoples' successful talk)

Also, diet affects your immune system so if you are eating badly, you are more likely to have outbreaks as opposed to being as healthy as possible. You can take lysine as well, it's a natural supplement that apparently inhibits viral growth. And Olive Leaf supplements as well. About 25% of pregnant women have genital herpes...and generally a doctor will only approve a c-section if you are having an outbreak at the time of delivery. The vast majority of people who pass on the virus to their baby are people that don't know they have the virus. It is actually rare to pass on the virus to a child during labor. Also, your doctor can put you on suppressive medicine the last month or so of your pregnancy to prevent outbreaks. My doctor said a c-section is the last resort. I'm not worried about this. Don't let this fear stop you from having children.

Also, there are herpes support phone lines...you can search for them online...I briefly looked and found The American Social Health Association's

Herpes Hotline has counselors available daily to answer questions and offer telephone support.

ASHA can be reached at 919-361-8488.

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Hey Krys, as far as the outbreaks, Valtrex will help. I had no insurance when I got it but I went to planned parenthood and they work on a sliding scale so if you don't make a lot of money, the cost is reduced. They should be able to give you a prescription for the generic version, I think my copay is $25 but it's well worth it. I also take Lysine.

As far as the triggers, many things affect the immune system but it's important to try and stay healthy overall.

For me, the hardest part was emotional and psychological. My dating life came to a complete halt but it's important to remember that there are many people out there with this and even some without H but are willing to accept and love you regardless. Just slow down, get some support either here or as the other poster suggested, the hotline and know you have people that have been there and can help. It's hard to imagine right now, but it will get better and easier to deal with. One day at a time.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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