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kt89

A girl who is torn

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kt89

Hi everyone,

This really doesnt have much to do with herpes.. well it actually will but right now its not an issue. I just have something going on in my life right now and i really have no one to talk to except you guys, i hope you wont judge me and hopefully someone will understand what im going through.

Well. about a year ago the man of my dreams broke up with me for another girl. We were together for about 3 years, and i never have H when i was with him. We will call him "T". So T and i werre very much inlove but definitly had our share of problems. We were very very close, bestfriends, we worked together (thats how we met) and our moms also worked together at the same place. He broke my heart about a year ago for another girl and when he broke up with me i found out days later that he was with another girl.. and weeks later heard a rumor that they were engaged, and i knew that she also lived with him... so you can imagine how i felt if you have ever bin inlove B4. Especially because the break up was so random, and i quit my job because i couldnt handle being there.

I met a boy a few months after T and i broke up, this boy happened to know T... not friends really but just knew eachother... friends back in the day. We will call this boy "L"..."L" and i have a very different relationship.... it is not like how it was with T and i. I care very much about him but i wouldnt go as far as to say i love him. L is also the boy whom i got H from.

Throughout the year T and i have bin talking here and there, when we broke up we told eachother we will always be friends forever. So we secretly will talk via email or phone, and the once in a bluemoon get together, but we have never done ne thing, as in never cheated on our other partners. We just feel that we know eacother best and when we need someone to talk to we r there for eachother. Sometimes we get on the topic of our past relationship and he tells me how he realises that he has made a huge mistake n tells me that he still loves me very much and thinks about me every night before he sleeps. It just melts me inside. He knows how much i love him, and i always will.. sometimes i think these strong deep feelings i have for him will never ever go away. We both honestly think we are sole mates.

Last week T and i met up at our old work and had coffee.. thats when he really opened up to me n told me how he felt about me and i did to him as well...We both have a strong belief that we are sole mates and that everything happens for a reason... our break up happened to show eachother how much we love eachother and how strong that love really is...

Anyway! ( omg im so sorry this is so long lol )

T got in a motorcycle accident about a week ago ( the day after we talked) with his GF. He is ok and she is ok but they both needed surgery and so on. They are at different hospitals... I went to go and see him at the hospital .. i thougth it would make him very happy... when the nurse came to tell me he was out of surgery she also told me he was very upset and wanted to talk to his fiance. Well that just broke my heart.. i never said anything to him tho.. obviouslly.. Well eventually i told him that the nurse told me that and it made me upset... i told him when he was out of the hospital. He told me him and his GF broke up for good. We talked on the phone for the entire day...it seems like he very much so wants to get back with me.. he talked about marrage and children and everything.. the thing is.. if i get back with him .. eveeryone in my family and all my friends will be so mad at me.. (he is a little bit jealous i guess you can say) .. Also.. i do love him very very much but i dont know if i want to go back.. going back is not always good.. i am happy with my life right now, but its so hard to deny him. i dont want to hurt him.. i do love him more then anything but i dont want to have to deal with the problems we had again.

I dont want to break L heart eitehr! he is very nice and kind and does so much for me and with me...

Heres the other thing.. T doesnt know about my herps... he would be quite angry about this.. i know him very well.. he is very disgusted by things like these... and i mean VERYY!!!! i have heard him making fun of ppl when iwas with him for having COLDSORES on there face! he thinks its disgusting! hes kinda a germ freak!.. Should i just stop now??? Should i end this thing we have going on? .. it will break his heart.. or should i tell him about my H and deal with the humiliation of having to tell him that .. he also will not want to be with him if i have it.. and if he does decide to be with me .. it will not be pretty.. He will bring it up everytime we fight .. it will be a huge deal!

i dont know what to do.. sometimes love is blind and it will take over my mind!

I really appretiate anyone who reads this and i thank you!.. i know its not really anything to do with H but i didnt knw who to talk to.. It may sound like no big deal to everyone and yu might wonder why im writting it.. but if anyone has ever felt tru love b4.. maybe you will understand.

Thank you!

* Sorry i know i already posted this under a different thread or w/e. it is.. but i really want to get some feedback =( Im not able to talk to ne one else about this..

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Lookonthesunnyside

my opinion

kt89, I think you know what is right for you and what isnt. You say that this guy left you for another girl, wasnt sensitive to your feelings during the breakup, and then while he was with her talked to you and told you he loved you. This shows disrespect to both you and the other girl, and it also proves that you cannot trust him. I think the whole 'we know each other best, we're soul mates' is actually quite manipulative if thats what he has been saying to you throughout his relationship with her. He left you for someone else, and then when he wasnt happy with her suckered you back in emotionally so that he could turn to you when he needed some attention while still keeping her as his official gf or wife. That again is very disrespectful and manipulative. Also, he sounds like someone who will always be attracted to the 'other' and what is unattainable. Meaning that if you get back with him he will likely eventually get bored and stray again.

You also say that he makes fun of people with cold sores and is overall judgmental towards them. You also say that he will make you feel like crap about yourself if you tell him you have it, and throw it in your face every chance he gets. You also say that your family and friends do not support you being with him and that he has a history of jealousy and has put you through a lot. Trust your family and friends who are able to see your relationship with this guy and the way it affects you without being clouded by lust or love. He sounds overall very selfish and like he hasnt treated you the best.

Being with someone else who you dont feel as strongly about is probably reiterating to you how much you do have strong feelings for "T". But just because "L" isnt really doing it for you doesnt mean someone else wont.

I'm sorry if that all sounded harsh, but I'm taking out what you've said about the relationship minus your justifications for being with him and minus the emotions that you have towards him. You know what I mean? When you strip all that away I think its quite evident that he is not a good partner for you (or maybe anyone), and that you do know this.

The longer you participate in any kind of relationship the harder it will be to walk away. I dont know if you believe that everything happens for a reason, but if you think he will actually not accept you with herpes then maybe herpes has actually kinda come to your rescue in that way.

You deserve someone who's going to treat you with respect and who overall treats other people with respect as well. I reallllly dont think this is someone you want to take a marriage vow with or have children with. I think you can do way better.

Granted, I dont know your relationship and I'm sure there are good things about him. But from everything you've shared I think you're better off without him. I also think that as long as you remain close friends you will be absorbed in that relationship to a point where you probably wont be able to become fully invested in anyone else.

I say cut him loose and choose to not settle for anything less than you deserve. If this guy continues to make you miserable in the future it will be because you let him. (Sounds harsh but is true, you know what I mean?) This is the time to end everything I think. Continue to have fun with "L" but make sure you two are on the same page. If not, there are plenty of fish in the sea! (And many who already have herpes or wont make you feel badly about it;))

Best of luck with everything and I hope that whatever you choose to do makes you happy!

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Butterfly of the Moment

If he belittles people b/c of things they can't control like having coldsores then that is immature. I know you love him, but he obviously is not what you need. You need someone you know you can trust to tell your secrets to. Having herpes is not the end of the world but if you know him well enough that he will hold this against you then cut your losses. He may never change for you, most people don't. The fact that he had you on the side and he was telling you he loves you while still having a girlfriend is shady business. You will love again and the next man it is, I hope he is mature and kind. And if all your family and friends feel the same way about him...well those are red flags.

"Never make someone your priority when they only consider you their option."

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Sininen
If he belittles people b/c of things

"Never make someone your priority when they only consider you their option."

I think this pretty much sums it up. Probably every guy looks at other women while having a GF but they would never give up their GF for another woman if they really loved you.

I understand you love him and don't want to hurt him, but I think the best way to avoid hurting more than necessary is by always telling the truth. If you really would like to get back to T then tell him about your herpes as soon as possible and watch his reaction to the news. So what if he gets angry. He has no right holding it against you in any situation because he was with a different girl than you at the time you got your herpes. You don't owe anything to this guy. He was the one who broke up with you, you would never had sex with L if it wasn't for him, so he can only blame himself if he's bothered by your herpes.

Another thing you might want to think about. You haven't known L even half as long as you have known T. L might very well be the guy of your dreams but you just haven't gotten to know him well enough yet. You can't really expect to have the same quantity of emotions for L than you have with T 'cause you never cut off T from your life and you haven't got as many shared memories with L.

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kt89

Thank you

I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching these past few days.. and i havent been talkin to T at all because #1 it just is not right to do that to L #2 you guys are all right.. he is not someone i should be with

I really would like to thank everyone for taking the time and reading my post and replying.. You have no idea how you have helped me i really needed to hear the things that you told me.. Thank you all very very much!

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