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Dizzle

Please Help!

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Dizzle

Hello, I'm a 34 year old male. I have been involved with a women for approx. 9 months and just recently committed to a relationship with her. She is 8 years my junior and I'm sick that I think I gave her this disease. About 3 weeks ago, she thought she had an unusual bump that she figured was hermroids...long story short, she had the lesion lanced and the culture came back positive but her blood work returned negative. I then got tested, though I had been asymptomatic or couldn't recognize the symptoms. My blood work returned back positive for HSV-1, negative for HSV-2. The doctor seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing, while my world is literally spinning at the time. I don't know what to think...there are so many questions. My girlfriend and I don't know what to do, can we kiss, can we have sex, what kind of sex, do we have to wear condoms for the rest of our lives, what if we break up, how do you date with herpes, are we stuck to be with each other because no one else would understand...etc....you get the picture. I have never had a recognizable outbreak so I don't know if I gave this to her via oral sex or genital sex. Her test was not typed at the time so we won't know for sure which one she has for at least 2 1/2 months from now. Someone please offer some kind of advice.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, I hope you've been browsing through the links at the right b/c they can answer most of the questions you have posed. It appears that most likely you did give your girlfriend the virus through oral sex (I assume she has genital herpes now). You most likely have oral herpes but don't have symptoms b/c it's less common to have type 1 genitally although moreand more people are being diagnosed with it. If her culture came back positive, but her blood test came back negative...this usually indicates a new infection b/c it takes a while for antibodies to appear in the blood and the fact that the blood test came back negative means she hasn't had herpes for long. Type 1 herpes is very common...approximately 80% of the American population has been exposed to that virus. If two people have the same virus they can't pass it to eachother. SO if you meet someone with a coldsore they have herpes! most likely type 1 although one can have type 2 oral herpes or type 1 genital herpes...apparently like your girlfriend has. Make sure your girlfriend is extra careful to wash her hands if she touches her sore b/c she can spread it to other parts of her body...at least until she has enough antibodies in her system to prevent autoinoculation. After she heals you can have sex, kiss, and do everything you use to do before she got herpes. How is she taking this? I hope that this doesn't destroy your relationship b/c A LOT of people do not get symptoms and they have herpes...so it's not your fault. Just remember that it's important to get tested for all stds everytime you switch partners b/c you may get an std you don't already have.

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Dizzle

Thank you so much BOM. Of course she went through the crying and the world is over period for a few days. I have to say, the days waiting on her test results were agonizing. As I guess everyone does, we were reading everything possible and that just created more questions to be honest. I was with her when she found out and it was just awful. She is younger than I by 8 years so its really hitting her hard, but thats not to say it isn't crushing me as well. She has concerns about children, about us, about everything really. I can say however, I think we both took it as well as can be expected. I have been trying to be strong for her, but I admit, sometimes the burden of keeping face is overwhelming. I just see it as my role to not let her see me struggling and I just feel so guilty for this....I know I shouldn't but I can't escape it right now. She has even told me over and over not to blame myself but its just fresh right now. We've both beein dealing with this only a few weeks. Thankfully I made a commitment to her prior to us having any inclination of HSV, so it eases her stress that we're not together just because we have herpes together. While it is a major help to both of us that we have each other, the elephant in the room is what happens if we break up, will either of us have the courage to break this relationship off for fear of facing the dating world as HSV positive. Its just alot right now, but we're maintaining. Our sex life has been slightly non existant for a lil while...the ice is breaking though. We have had sex once, using a condom. We are still confused about the facts of our situation though and the doctors haven't been much help. Because I'm asymptomatic, I worry about giving her HSV orally; we worry about it being given to me genitally. Are we going to have to wear condoms the rest of our lives, oral sex through dental dams, etc? She finished her prescription of Valtrex (expensive as hell) for a ten day period...I was not prescribed anything. This site is so helpful...just to have people to talk to about this and relieve some of the stress....thank you so much for responding!!!

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Groovaroova

Please read my post titled "Please Read"...its not as bad as you think.

All the best. xx

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justmyself

You've come to the right place for support. Perhaps you and your girlfriend can both join. There are great people and lots of great information on here.

You are right on about the information leading to more questions. I felt the same way. My bf and I both have the same type and had our first symptoms about 5 weeks ago now. We have only had sex a few times and used a condom each time, just to possibly prevent a flare up for either one of us. We don't plan to use them forever though. We are trying to figure out the best way to prevent outbreaks right now. We have not had oral sex just because I am afraid of passing HSV2 to him before our antibodies develop. He is not worried about it though and would do so anytime I give him the okay.

I assume you both have HSV1, you most likely orally, her genitally from receiving oral sex from you. You have the antibodies and since HSV1's preferred site is oral, it is highly unlikely that you will get it genitally. You don't know if she has any antibodies until you have blood test results back. The biggest risk I see to her is her getting it orally, which just means occasional cold sores. But assuming you two have kissed before, this really isn't a new risk.

Best of luck to both of you! Keep posting and join us in the chat room sometime!

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Butterfly of the Moment

Since you already have type 1 and you've had it for a while it's almost impossible for you to get it genitally (unless your immune system is severely weak and your girlfriend has an open sore during sex, etc). But she can still get it orally (if she hasn't already...only time will tell) until her antibodies build up. I believe autoinoculation is possible until the 4 month mark.

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  • Posts

    • Gems
      I've had neg swabs but I am sure you'll get it. Follow the process. I haven't read the thread in exact detail, but if you have documentation of doctors mishandling your case when you get/ if you get a poss inform them in writing as well as the medical board I think.  Under diagnosis is as problematic as false pos and reducing transmission is good.
    • MikeIke
      @WilsoInAusi wish you were right.  you can't say that with such confidence having never met me though.  I had one MD look at my sore on Sunday @ 8pm, said it was not looking herpetic but to come back in the morning.  I came back in the morning and he said it looked exactly like a cold sore/HSV1 based on the changes / "ablative look" to the skin around the lip.  The Dermatologists have never seen me with a sore until yesterday, too, and had only seen pictures.  They're used to the classic HSV2 look that shows up in Google Images. I think the swab test will be definitive - we broke open the sore and sent it off within  48 hours of appearing.  I'm also waiting for my 13 week IGG type specific HerpeSelect Immunoblot any day now using RequestATest - LabCorp.
    • Gems
      Not really wanting to call Terry.  I'll be checking the term anecdotal as I agree it may not be the best term. Maryland University seems to disagree and there was a researcher looking into random transmissions off poss objects in the eighties.

      There are two cases of torts in the USA in regards to transmission from surfaces. These require a 50% probability in causation and would be medically confirmed. I would say the reason it is less documented as people just deal with it and get on with their lives or it happens more frequently in lower socio economic groups that all just go into denial.

      I'm collecting the less than usual experiences Wilson, and not all professionals agree with Terry. These myths in my experience do not always get around with no basis.
    • Gems
      You can use the ignore button however they will still see your comments.
    • Gems
      The thread was more about antibodies any ways and I was just mostly sharing my experience of reading  those who claim a neg IgG. I am sorry I veered from that here.

      One person I have read here claim neg IgG. And years ago there were two people who also claimed neg IgG.

      It is up to each person to do their own research before they spend money on products.  
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