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Dizzle

Please Help!

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Dizzle

Hello, I'm a 34 year old male. I have been involved with a women for approx. 9 months and just recently committed to a relationship with her. She is 8 years my junior and I'm sick that I think I gave her this disease. About 3 weeks ago, she thought she had an unusual bump that she figured was hermroids...long story short, she had the lesion lanced and the culture came back positive but her blood work returned negative. I then got tested, though I had been asymptomatic or couldn't recognize the symptoms. My blood work returned back positive for HSV-1, negative for HSV-2. The doctor seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing, while my world is literally spinning at the time. I don't know what to think...there are so many questions. My girlfriend and I don't know what to do, can we kiss, can we have sex, what kind of sex, do we have to wear condoms for the rest of our lives, what if we break up, how do you date with herpes, are we stuck to be with each other because no one else would understand...etc....you get the picture. I have never had a recognizable outbreak so I don't know if I gave this to her via oral sex or genital sex. Her test was not typed at the time so we won't know for sure which one she has for at least 2 1/2 months from now. Someone please offer some kind of advice.

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey, I hope you've been browsing through the links at the right b/c they can answer most of the questions you have posed. It appears that most likely you did give your girlfriend the virus through oral sex (I assume she has genital herpes now). You most likely have oral herpes but don't have symptoms b/c it's less common to have type 1 genitally although moreand more people are being diagnosed with it. If her culture came back positive, but her blood test came back negative...this usually indicates a new infection b/c it takes a while for antibodies to appear in the blood and the fact that the blood test came back negative means she hasn't had herpes for long. Type 1 herpes is very common...approximately 80% of the American population has been exposed to that virus. If two people have the same virus they can't pass it to eachother. SO if you meet someone with a coldsore they have herpes! most likely type 1 although one can have type 2 oral herpes or type 1 genital herpes...apparently like your girlfriend has. Make sure your girlfriend is extra careful to wash her hands if she touches her sore b/c she can spread it to other parts of her body...at least until she has enough antibodies in her system to prevent autoinoculation. After she heals you can have sex, kiss, and do everything you use to do before she got herpes. How is she taking this? I hope that this doesn't destroy your relationship b/c A LOT of people do not get symptoms and they have herpes...so it's not your fault. Just remember that it's important to get tested for all stds everytime you switch partners b/c you may get an std you don't already have.

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Dizzle

Thank you so much BOM. Of course she went through the crying and the world is over period for a few days. I have to say, the days waiting on her test results were agonizing. As I guess everyone does, we were reading everything possible and that just created more questions to be honest. I was with her when she found out and it was just awful. She is younger than I by 8 years so its really hitting her hard, but thats not to say it isn't crushing me as well. She has concerns about children, about us, about everything really. I can say however, I think we both took it as well as can be expected. I have been trying to be strong for her, but I admit, sometimes the burden of keeping face is overwhelming. I just see it as my role to not let her see me struggling and I just feel so guilty for this....I know I shouldn't but I can't escape it right now. She has even told me over and over not to blame myself but its just fresh right now. We've both beein dealing with this only a few weeks. Thankfully I made a commitment to her prior to us having any inclination of HSV, so it eases her stress that we're not together just because we have herpes together. While it is a major help to both of us that we have each other, the elephant in the room is what happens if we break up, will either of us have the courage to break this relationship off for fear of facing the dating world as HSV positive. Its just alot right now, but we're maintaining. Our sex life has been slightly non existant for a lil while...the ice is breaking though. We have had sex once, using a condom. We are still confused about the facts of our situation though and the doctors haven't been much help. Because I'm asymptomatic, I worry about giving her HSV orally; we worry about it being given to me genitally. Are we going to have to wear condoms the rest of our lives, oral sex through dental dams, etc? She finished her prescription of Valtrex (expensive as hell) for a ten day period...I was not prescribed anything. This site is so helpful...just to have people to talk to about this and relieve some of the stress....thank you so much for responding!!!

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Groovaroova

Please read my post titled "Please Read"...its not as bad as you think.

All the best. xx

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justmyself

You've come to the right place for support. Perhaps you and your girlfriend can both join. There are great people and lots of great information on here.

You are right on about the information leading to more questions. I felt the same way. My bf and I both have the same type and had our first symptoms about 5 weeks ago now. We have only had sex a few times and used a condom each time, just to possibly prevent a flare up for either one of us. We don't plan to use them forever though. We are trying to figure out the best way to prevent outbreaks right now. We have not had oral sex just because I am afraid of passing HSV2 to him before our antibodies develop. He is not worried about it though and would do so anytime I give him the okay.

I assume you both have HSV1, you most likely orally, her genitally from receiving oral sex from you. You have the antibodies and since HSV1's preferred site is oral, it is highly unlikely that you will get it genitally. You don't know if she has any antibodies until you have blood test results back. The biggest risk I see to her is her getting it orally, which just means occasional cold sores. But assuming you two have kissed before, this really isn't a new risk.

Best of luck to both of you! Keep posting and join us in the chat room sometime!

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Butterfly of the Moment

Since you already have type 1 and you've had it for a while it's almost impossible for you to get it genitally (unless your immune system is severely weak and your girlfriend has an open sore during sex, etc). But she can still get it orally (if she hasn't already...only time will tell) until her antibodies build up. I believe autoinoculation is possible until the 4 month mark.

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  • Posts

    • Trace67
      It doesnt really mean much yet. They still dont know if the herpes is taking advantage of a diseased brain or causing the disease. Furthermore, there is evidence that Alzheimer's might be caused by oral spirochete disease and even Lyme. Many of you could have oral Spirochetes but the Lyme and is less likely. https://globallymealliance.org/pathogen-cause-alzheimers-disease/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5008232/ https://newsblog.drexel.edu/2016/02/10/do-infections-cause-alzheimers-disease/   Of course it could be both! Maybe having hsv-1 and oral spirochetes quadruples the risk.  In my opinion the spirochete theory sounds more likely and its hard to dismiss neurosurgeons and caretakers getting Alzheimers from a disease that was previously thought to be non contagious. I'd worry more about Spirochetes.  
    • Rgs77
      Did ldn work.
    • honkschonks
      I wonder if people in the military are tested for hsv, because the general public isn’t. You have to specifically ask for it and many doctors don’t even see the point because it’s “so common”. It’s very possible he has it and has no symptoms or very mild random symptoms. Sorry to hear what you’re dealing with. It seems like women’s symptoms are worse than men’s.
    • WilsoInAus
      No that’s not the issue at all. The absolute vast majority of nerve pain is not caused by herpes. Hence it cannot be used to reverse engineer a diagnosis of herpes. That is exceptinally dangerous and we must do all we can encourage proper diagnosis.
    • ill47
      Do you have an APOE4 gene? I do. I also have HSV-2, which so far hasn't been linked to dementia. Itzhaki previously found that cold sores occur more frequently in those who carry a gene variant that confers increased risk of Alzheimer’s called APOE-ε4. "Our theory is that in APOE-ε4 carriers, reactivation is more frequent or more harmful in HSV1-infected brain cells, which as a result accumulate damage that culminates in development of Alzheimer's," she said.

      So basically, if you carry the APOE4 gene and have oral HSV-1, you chances of dementia could be quite high. But if you have APOE4, your chances of dementia were higher already. Look, 80% of the population has HSV-1. 80% of the population does not get dementia. You also seem to skip over the fact that antiviral treatment can reduce the increased chances of dementia to almost nothing. "The striking results include evidence that the risk of senile dementia is much greater in those who are infected with HSV, and that anti-herpes antiviral treatment causes a dramatic decrease in number of those subjects severely affected by HSV1 who later develop dementia," Itzhaki said. The data from Taiwan only applies to the rare severe HSV1 or VZV infections. The next step will be to study dementia rates amongst people with mild HSV1 infections, including herpes labialis or mild genital herpes. "Considering that over 150 publications strongly support an HSV1 role in Alzheimer's, these Taiwan findings greatly justify usage of antiherpes antivirals - which are safe and well-tolerated - to treat Alzheimer's disease,” Itzhaki said."They also incentivize development of an HSV1 vaccine, which would likely be the most effective treatment." I think it behooves you to do your research and actually read the articles you are posting before pulling the alarm and trying to scare people. 
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