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curiouser

What's the point?!

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curiouser

Being recently diagnosed with cold-sores (and possibly genital herpes too--haven't had any outbreaks there yet), I did a bit of google research. I noticed two things constently came up on most sites that infuriates me: 'you can live a happy, normal, loving life with herpes' paired with 'Even with treatments and no symptoms of an outbreak you may still pass the virus to others'. Now that was just paraphrasing, but most sites have similiar information. Or there will be forum users (not in this forum, of course ;)) who will make sure the latter part is driven deep within your skull lest you start to feel positive about your situation. I understand it's utter fact, but it really contradicts living normally or happily.

I wake up everyday and the first thing I do is check my lip for any signs of an outbreak since I don't have any prevalent symptoms, no itching or pain etc, just the bumps. Even without the rash, everytime I kiss my fiance (who knows of my status) it's still in the back of my mind. I'm afraid I'll pass the virus to my loved ones just by showing them affection and sharing drinks and food with them (never knew I'd miss that so much...) This is not my idea of a normal life.

AND THEN I think, 'what's the point?' So many people have the virus unknowingly, it isn't deadly, and we all may be spreading it asymptomatically anyway. During my very first outbreak, I had no idea what it was. I don't know what part of my body I might have touched after inspecting the infected site with my fingers. I may have herpes whitlow, too. I won't know what parts of me are infected 'til it happenes. I look at it like there are two options: either become a hermit, never touch or love anyone again. Or practically pretend there is no real threat and live as though herpes is nothing more than the chicken pox. And honestly I'm not comfortable with either option. I'd rather have a cure.

I know I'm probably way off base. Someone please enlighten me with how to live normally while simultaneously possibly infecting my family by showing affection.

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WarriorKing

Customs are different with different people but for me sharing food or drink that my mouth touched is not something that has been in my life. I do not have HSV1, I have HSV2.

You can give millions of hugs and kisses, just not on the mouth, and the chance of you passing HSV1 is extremely slim, almost non existent in my opinion. If you have an OB then not kissing at all is something I would do if I had HSV1.

Your intimate partner is the one that you have to really be concerned about and restrict your activities with, as this is how H really spreads.

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SpaceGoat

I'm not going to lie. I felt similar after being diagnosed.

I have 3 small children and am pregnant with #4. Have I ever shared a drink with them or given them a bite of my food? Without a doubt.

I worried relentlessly about being super careful with my dishes, towels, dirty laundry.... EVERYTHING. I wash my hands, use hand sanitizer, wipe down the bathroom... I love my family and would do absolutely anything to protect them. I worried about breastfeeding the baby I'm carrying. No matter what I read, I worried. My DH says "you are obsessing about this. Let it go. We have to accept it and move on."

I worried about making love with my husband. I worried about sleeping naked with him due to viral shedding. He has stood beside me and said it does not matter. He will take the H to be with me. I know what it feels like to be in agony and not be able to pee without crying. Every single time... it would be in the back of my mind that I might be making him sick...

But you know what? I just found out I've had this for over 4 years! I was never given me test results. It had to be run in a second batch of tests because they ran a test by mistake.

Regardless, it occurred to me this week... nothing has changed. I've had it for 4 years and didn't know. Nothing bad has happened. Life went on. I kissed my kids (not on the mouth), blew raspberries on their bellies and ever other regular show of affection mommies do to their children and we have been fine. I have always pressed my lips to my child's forehead to gauge their temp before pulling out a thermometer if they are ill. We will be fine. If it was really that easy to spread everyone would have it.

And for you, once you are educated about HSV and come to a form of accpetance, it will be better. Love your family. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but as time goes on you too will come to accept this and feel that... it's okay. Tell your sexual partners. Wash your hands. Love yourself. Love your family. Carry on.

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curiouser

Thanks, guys. Especially you, Spacegoat. I hope I will be able to reach that frame of mind soon. I know I've had it for at least 2 years now and in that time my fiance hasn't shown any signs of having it. But one of the other problems I have now is open sex with my guy (even though I only know for certain that I have oral herpes, not genital herpes): thinking about accidentally spreading a non-curable disease is kind of a mood killer. And I was hoping to go on the pill once we were married, because I don't think two people in a monogomous relationship should have to use a condom, but now I'm not sure what we'll do...

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  • Posts

    • Gems
      I've had neg swabs but I am sure you'll get it. Follow the process. I haven't read the thread in exact detail, but if you have documentation of doctors mishandling your case when you get/ if you get a poss inform them in writing as well as the medical board I think.  Under diagnosis is as problematic as false pos and reducing transmission is good.
    • MikeIke
      @WilsoInAusi wish you were right.  you can't say that with such confidence having never met me though.  I had one MD look at my sore on Sunday @ 8pm, said it was not looking herpetic but to come back in the morning.  I came back in the morning and he said it looked exactly like a cold sore/HSV1 based on the changes / "ablative look" to the skin around the lip.  The Dermatologists have never seen me with a sore until yesterday, too, and had only seen pictures.  They're used to the classic HSV2 look that shows up in Google Images. I think the swab test will be definitive - we broke open the sore and sent it off within  48 hours of appearing.  I'm also waiting for my 13 week IGG type specific HerpeSelect Immunoblot any day now using RequestATest - LabCorp.
    • Gems
      Not really wanting to call Terry.  I'll be checking the term anecdotal as I agree it may not be the best term. Maryland University seems to disagree and there was a researcher looking into random transmissions off poss objects in the eighties.

      There are two cases of torts in the USA in regards to transmission from surfaces. These require a 50% probability in causation and would be medically confirmed. I would say the reason it is less documented as people just deal with it and get on with their lives or it happens more frequently in lower socio economic groups that all just go into denial.

      I'm collecting the less than usual experiences Wilson, and not all professionals agree with Terry. These myths in my experience do not always get around with no basis.
    • Gems
      You can use the ignore button however they will still see your comments.
    • Gems
      The thread was more about antibodies any ways and I was just mostly sharing my experience of reading  those who claim a neg IgG. I am sorry I veered from that here.

      One person I have read here claim neg IgG. And years ago there were two people who also claimed neg IgG.

      It is up to each person to do their own research before they spend money on products.  
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