Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
confidante

Do you forgive?

Recommended Posts

confidante

Today I received my husband's results of a positive genital herpes test. He suspected that he had it for the past 13 years and never told me. We've been married for 8 years and have two children. The only reason that he told me now is because I confessed to something I had done and he felt like it made sense to confess this! I'm furious! Mainly because of the risk that he put both me and my children in when I could have protected myself and them had I known!! Has anyone ever dealt with this and am I unjustified that I want him out?! I need perspective!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
E2F83

It's OK

Seriously, you guys are married and have kids; herpes should be the last thing on your mind. Unless your marriage was already unhappy and you feel that this limits your future options in case you guys separate. There's really no need for concern.

As for perspective, please take a step back and see how ridiculous it is if you separate from your husband over this. This is a very small inconvenience in a relationship. If this is enough to break up a marriage then there is definitely something else rooted in this matter.

Remember the vows "Through sickness and in health". This is hardly a sickness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Butterfly of the Moment

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that your husband kept this from you for so long. Perhaps he thought his suspicions would prevent you from wanting to be with him. He definately should have told you, but now all you can do is go from here and move forward. If you still love him and you were happy before all of this, then I say work through the knots. Find out why he kept this from you. Sounds like he was ignorant in how herpes can affect people having children (it's rare to pass on herpes to babies during childbirth, but still) or how with a little precaution he could have prevented passing it on to you even if he did tell you. Is he truly sorry? He lied to you by omission and that's wrong, but I don't think it's unforgivable. Have you been tested yourself?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
JoeTheLionWentToTheBar

Its like so many things people keep from their lovers during the falling in love and making a commitment stage. Do you tell them things that might cause you to reject them, or do you keep it from them and hope for the best.

I feel he should have told you at some point but then again, I have rejected people I was dating for telling me unfortunate things about STDs, their criminal past, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Still Happy

I can’t say I have the exact story but it seems I unknowingly had HS2 before I got married and never had symptoms that noticeable until one year about seven years into the relationship when I started noticing outbreaks.

A Dr. confirmed the condition with a blood test and the news hit my world like an atom bomb. A million thoughts and worries went through my head but I had to tell my wife right away. She had HS1 and at first I thought it was the same but we found out later the HS strands are different and then things became even more complicated. Of course she wondered if I cheat on her, I never did I was madly, madly in love with her, forever faithful, it broke my heart that she could think that about me. It killed me to think that this skin condition changed things between us, it wasn’t the complete cause for our once fairy tale like marriage to fall apart but I know it contributed to it. I have cried about it more times than I care to remember and I did nothing unethical to cause it.

I said this once in an earlier post. 1 out of 4 people have HS, what are your odds of finding someone who has treated you as good as he has for all this time, built a life with you, raised a family with you, loved you…1 in a 1000, 1 in a 1,000,000.

Trust me going through a divorce with someone you love with all your heart will all but kill you, the skin condition will not. And in my case my wife never caught it, not even after all that exposure and of course it wasn’t all safe sex, we didn’t think we had anything to fear.

Fear not for your kids, there is really no way he can give it to them by accident.

Take your time on this; think deeply and clearly about all you have been through with this man. You truly are risking far more than exposure to a very controllable condition. Have him get on anti-virals if there is an issue and outbreaks will rarely even show up.

Listen to your heart, not the stigma.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
clover

"Listen to your heart, not the stigma"

<3 I love this.

The stigma has a powerful influence but hopefully the influence of the heart will be much stronger.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SiameseDream
I can’t say I have the exact story but it seems I unknowingly had HS2 before I got married and never had symptoms that noticeable until one year about seven years into the relationship when I started noticing outbreaks.

A Dr. confirmed the condition with a blood test and the news hit my world like an atom bomb. A million thoughts and worries went through my head but I had to tell my wife right away. She had HS1 and at first I thought it was the same but we found out later the HS strands are different and then things became even more complicated. Of course she wondered if I cheat on her, I never did I was madly, madly in love with her, forever faithful, it broke my heart that she could think that about me. It killed me to think that this skin condition changed things between us, it wasn’t the complete cause for our once fairy tale like marriage to fall apart but I know it contributed to it. I have cried about it more times than I care to remember and I did nothing unethical to cause it.

I said this once in an earlier post. 1 out of 4 people have HS, what are your odds of finding someone who has treated you as good as he has for all this time, built a life with you, raised a family with you, loved you…1 in a 1000, 1 in a 1,000,000.

Trust me going through a divorce with someone you love with all your heart will all but kill you, the skin condition will not. And in my case my wife never caught it, not even after all that exposure and of course it wasn’t all safe sex, we didn’t think we had anything to fear.

Fear not for your kids, there is really no way he can give it to them by accident.

Take your time on this; think deeply and clearly about all you have been through with this man. You truly are risking far more than exposure to a very controllable condition. Have him get on anti-virals if there is an issue and outbreaks will rarely even show up.

Listen to your heart, not the stigma.

Very well put. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.