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HSV-2 and broken up

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I'm new to the community and just need to vent a little bit.

I just got out of a 4+ year relationship with the girl who gave me GHSV-2, and I'm having a really tough time emotionally.

Long story short, I had unprotected sex with her during one of her "uti's", and two weeks later i had an OB and tested positively for GHSV-2. I had only had sex one time with one other person before that, and it was with a condom and no outbreaks of any sort until my diagnosis.

So, we break up recently mostly in part due to a long distance relationship with no end in sight. But, now I am just fearing that because she has never been diagnosed, she will have no problem finding someone else soon. And, now I am the one stuck having to give 'the talk' with any prospective girl.

I also worry that it is harder telling a girl than a guy because of the possibility of future pregnancy complications... thoughts on that?

I probably only average 1-2 OB's per year...so I know i have it better than many people. But, it is so hard right now coming out of a relationship...with a girl that i thought i was going to marry some day...to now have to worry about getting back into the dating scene with what feels like a cement block chained to my leg.

Ideally, I hope to get back together with the ex some day...but it seems like every time i talk to her, our situation worsens. I haven't really confronted her about the herpes issue...and I don't know if it is my place to do so. I would never want her to feel like we should be stuck with one-another because we both have it. But at the same time, she gave me herpes, and i'm afraid that she could also give it to some other guy(s) in the future. She has to know she has it, but I think because STD tests don't always include HSV...she may be in denial still. Thoughts or questions?

I'm clearly not ready to be in another relationship at this point anyways after such a long term girlfriend, but just the thought of finding someone else while having herpes is an awful feeling. A worse feeling right now is thinking about her finding someone else...:(

Thanks for your time

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey there, I understand it's terrifying having to face the world alone again...as in being single and dating. I understand you love this woman, and I think if you want to be close to her again you should tell her about your diagnosis. Be like "remember that time we had sex when you were having a "uti" well, about 2 weeks after that I had these symptoms and I went in to get tested and am now positive for genital herpes. I really think you should go in and get tested. I don't want to burden you with this information but I think it's important. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I didn't know how to approach the issue. I'm not angry at you, but I'm disappointed that this could have been prevented." Don't let her place the blame on you, don't let her make you feel bad for telling her. I know people deal with things differently but chances are good she gave you this virus. I don't think you should be stuck with one another even if she tested positive as well. Many people on here date people who don't have herpes. And I know you love her but if she was to suddenly want to be with you again b/c of the herpes, how would you feel? It's not ideal for someone to be with you only b/c they feel like no one else will want them. I'd much rather be alone than be settled for and I don't think you should be settled for even if you want her. Be honest. Also, I have had a UTI before and it causes one to have to feel like they have to pee all the time and it is painful to pee....I couldn't even imagine having sex with a UTI...you need to take antibiotics to heal it. Sounds like denial.

As for dating again though, take it one step at a time. I'm not worried at all about a pregnancy complication as far as transferring the virus to my child during labor b/c it is RARE to do so and it would occurr with women who don't know they have the virus or women who contract the virus during pregnancy. If you meet a woman and you love each other obviously she will learn this when you explain it to her.

Since you do still talk to her I think the longer you wait to tell her the worst her reaction will be. I am having the same problem myself. The guy that gave this to me does not know he gave me herpes. He lives in another country and he's a friend of a family member. I haven't had the courage to call him and tell him what happened. I know he's dating someone else right now too. I'm at a loss really. I SHOULD tell him, but he lied to me about being tested for stds and he pressured me into sex (for an hour straight I said NO but eventually i relented...a moment of weakness)...I'm not angry at him though...the fault is with me for ignoring my conscience. If you have the courage tell her, I lack it at the present.

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Thanks for the reply.

I guess I wasn't completely clear. I was diagnosed 4 years ago, very early in our relationship. I told her as soon as I found out, but she never proceeded to get a test. It was a topic we didn't talk about a lot...but she was very aware of my diagnosis, and we still had sex all of the time.

So, she definitely knows she has it, but because she hasn't got it confirmed in a test...I don't think she would ever come out and say it. I am certain she is afraid to ask a doctor to test specifically for it.

But I agree, that I would never want her to feel like she has to 'settle' for me because of it.

I really appreciate your thoughts and am glad there are people here so familiar with the situation.

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So, she definitely knows she has it, but because she hasn't got it confirmed in a test...I don't think she would ever come out and say it. I am certain she is afraid to ask a doctor to test specifically for it.

Sorry about your breakup. If she knows she has it, what she decides to do with that information is between her and any new person she sleeps with. It just sounds like you're annoyed because you have to deal with the consequences of having this and she might not.

I totally know how you feel, I am almost positive my ex who gave this to me does not tell anyone. It's annoying that he can give this to me, mess up my dating life, and then jump back in the dating scene carefree. But that's his life, and his choices, and they have nothing to do with me.

It's really scary at first being single and HSV positive. But keep coming here and reading other people's posts, you'll realize that acceptance from HSV negative girls is way more common than you would have thought. Your dating life is not over! I also used to be miserable that I had this and am no longer really bothered by it. It just takes time to get adjusted.

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