Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
vegan1

I feel bitter, and enraged:-(

Recommended Posts

vegan1

Its been about 3 .5 weeks since my husband told me he wanted to break up and asked me to move out of our home within 6 weeks. (since he was the lease holder)

For those that didnt read the backstory:

He is a teacher and didnt save any money whatsoever to get him through the summer and spent $400 dollars out of every bi weekly paycheck on alcohol, Vicodin,morphine, opium,ritilin, and weed. Instead, he insisted that *I* work and support us both since we were sharing a truck. (my car broke down in early May)

While i was working, he continued to shave money from every paycheck I brought home to feed his habit. Whenever I confronted him over the issue of missing money, he would curse me out and threaten to leave me.

After supporting us both and keeping us from losing his apartment, he waited until he got his first paycheck from work on August 21st 2009, to ask for a divorce and kick me to the curb.

I blame myself for enabling him and also abusing some of those substances along with him.

On August 22nd, I took the last 300 dollars to my name, boarded a greyhound bus to NYC. During the trip to NYC, I started going through terrible withdrawal. I was sweating, twitching, and vomiting. My mother wanted to check me into a rehab clinic but I chose to go cold turkey on my own, at home. My mother needs a kidney and was banking on the fact that I would be a donor until I contracted Herpes....She was PISSED off because in her mind it ruined her chances for a donor with no health problems that might prevent a successful transplant.....

My aunt loaned me 700 dollars to ship most of my belongings from Nashville to NYC and for that Im very thankful. The rest of my stuff is still in the apartment where my husband lives. The only thing he owns is his clothing, a bed and a dresser.

I decided yesterday that I would donate EVERYTHING of mine that is left in the Nashville apartment to CHARITY/BATTERED WOMANS SHELTER. :twisted:

When I told my soon to be ex husband this, he just got quiet over the phone and said:"fine". (I know he was under the impression that I just wanted my clothes and shoes and would leave thousands of dollars worth of stuff for him to be comfortable with in HIS apartment.)

I wanted to say to him: "It better be fucking fine! I paid for those things with my hard earned money and you will not be keeping it!"

I feel like he treated me like shit and stabbed me in the back. Why should I let him keep those things when I've been displaced, and have no apartment of my own???

I've since spoken to the man who infected me and he feels really bad about it. He wants to be in a relationship with me and pay for my cost of living until I get on my feet. He called this past friday wanting to take me out to dinner and i caved in. I had a surprisingly great time, and the food was wonderful....go figure. The problem is, he is 53 and Im 33!! :confused:

I feel bitter because Im homeless, without a job, money, and infected with HSV1, while my husband is relaxing in an apartment *I* furnished and getting high every day.

Thankyou for reading. I had to vent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
justmyself

So sorry to hear about your troubles. That's a really tough situation. You were right to not give him anything! That is very generous of you to donate it to a shelter.

If you and this other guy have a good time together and are attracted to each other, then go for it! Age is just a number. If he is good to you, that's what's important.

Hope things go better for you now! Good luck and keep us posted!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vegan1

Thankyou justmyself,

I thought about paying another 700 to have the rest of my stuff shipped but its mostly apartment-stuff: vacuum cleanser, rugs, silverware, furniture. etc. I might as well buy all of those things again. Plus where would I put them with no place of my own yet? Let Salvation Army or a local shelter come by and pick those up from the apartment. I would love to see his face when they haul off my furniture...

Its funny,

God works in mysterious ways because the 53 year old guy makes beautiful wooden furniture for a living and surprised me yesterday with a beautiful piece of mahogany that I intend to use for a small table. He also had some handcrafted silverware and dishes he wants to give me for my place.

I came by to visit him yesterday and he had a bath already prepared with Epson salt and aloe for me to soak in before we went for a walk in the park.

Go figure! :???:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MsLucy

Things might be uncomfortable for you at the moment, but the way I see it, you're way ahead in the game...

1. You're finally free of an abusive, alcholic, drug addicted blood-sucker of a husband.

2. You're now drug free yourself.

3. You're still young. You have plenty of time to establish a new (better) life.

4. You've made a nice friend, who, even if it doesn't pan out romantically, sees something special in you. Trust his instincts.

5. You're free to make decisions based on what YOU want from life, not what someone else expects or demands of you.

Sometimes life forces us to change direction. I like to think it's "Fate" taking a hand, although I don't believe our lives are predestined. I do believe, though, that we are led (pushed) into situations that force us to choose which way we want our lives to go. You've been given a wonderful opportunity to make your life into whatever you want it to be. Make it into something special. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vegan1

MsLucy,

I was feeling extremely bad yesterday and after reading your response, it changed my outlook some things. I feel like I have the perfect script for a Lifetime movie. maybe i should try and sell my story to them.:p

I am thankful for being drug-free (I never had addictive tendencies, I just did it because my ex was doing it) which is why I just went cold turkey when we broke up. my friends thought I was crazy for not checking into a clinic, but i just drank alot of water, loaded up on Vitamin C and went on with my life.

I dont think I could have remained in Nashville and kept my sanity. Its a small town and you run into the same people ALL of the time. I couldn't deal with that.

you really made me realize how much I have to be thankful for....

Things might be uncomfortable for you at the moment, but the way I see it, you're way ahead in the game...

1. You're finally free of an abusive, alcholic, drug addicted blood-sucker of a husband.

2. You're now drug free yourself.

3. You're still young. You have plenty of time to establish a new (better) life.

4. You've made a nice friend, who, even if it doesn't pan out romantically, sees something special in you. Trust his instincts.

5. You're free to make decisions based on what YOU want from life, not what someone else expects or demands of you.

Sometimes life forces us to change direction. I like to think it's "Fate" taking a hand, although I don't believe our lives are predestined. I do believe, though, that we are led (pushed) into situations that force us to choose which way we want our lives to go. You've been given a wonderful opportunity to make your life into whatever you want it to be. Make it into something special. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
gotitsowhat

Tough transition, good direction

You've made some tough decisions and it will pay off in a better life. Forget the old stuff and the old guy. This new guy sounds like a great friend and I would take him up on any help he can provide until you can get on your feet. You are obviously ready for better things. I have a feeling they will be coming into your life very soon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
catiesmom

As far as the age thing, i really don't see that as a problem, personally. I'm 27 and my ex is 53 this year. We didnt work out relationship-wise, but he's still my best friend and soulmate. There's no reason age should be a defining factor in a relationship, and he sounds heavenly!

Good for you for getting out of that situtation. Sounds like your ex kicking you out is the best possible decision you never made for yourself. Way to go with the cold-turkey withdrawal!! That takes balls, girl!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vegan1

Thankyou brainy and catiesmom:-)

Yeah, older guy is a nice person. he is a good friend and thats the most anyone can ask for during this time.There are times when I feel depressed and pitiful and other times when I feel optimistic. It comes in waves....

Its like spiritually I know everything will work out, but I cant see a possible WAY for things to work out. All of my problems seem to originate from the fact that I have no money.. It seems like money would take care of like 95% of my problems right now. Everything seems to cost $100 dollars for some reason.

and i know I'm certainly not alone. Every single day I come to this site and I read about other people who have no health insurance and no money just like me. Theres no money for a cure, no money for medicine, no money for treatments, no way to take off from work for a OB. Tough choices have to be made because people are trying to balance having this virus with taking care of kids, home, family, jobs, and other health care problems.

I don't know how Im going to dig myself out of this hole, but I keep telling myself, atleast its not HIV/AIDS or cancer. It could be worse...and the spiritual side of me is aware of my eternal soul and oneness with God. I dont subscribe to any particular religion but I know, that if /when I die, I will just go back Home to God and be at peace and all of the pain, and sorrow of this life will fade away. I will realize that living here was just a dream.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vegan1

PS. Im not saying I want to die, nor am I suicidal. lol Having this virus just made me more aware of my mortality and my purpose in this life. It helped me weed out the insignificant and concentrate on what is important. I don't believe in fate but I do believe we chart or choose certain obstacles to overcome on earth in order to progress or advance our souls journey.

maybe I chose to get sick at this time to bring attention to caring for myself?

I've always looked to relationships and men to define my self worth as a woman and its time for me to love and care for my own body. I used to take for granted that my body just worked. I was living by default.

And when I got this virus, I could not *walk* or have sex, or function. It made me sit up and take notice that my body was calling out for help. I could no longer ignore its needs. I realized that I needed to safeguard my health, not only because the cost of healthcare is astronomical but because of my children and my goals in life.

I really hope Obama improves the healthcare system in America. I never had much faith in the political system because its driven by corporate greed, but I'd love to see everyone be covered.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
catiesmom

Around the board, we tend to talk about the "silver lining" or how herpes improved our lives. It sounds like you're on the cusp of discovering that it can, in fact, IMPROVE certain aspects of your life. Acceptance is beautiful. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
vegan1
Around the board, we tend to talk about the "silver lining" or how herpes improved our lives. It sounds like you're on the cusp of discovering that it can, in fact, IMPROVE certain aspects of your life. Acceptance is beautiful. :)

Thankyou:-) I think Im finally beginning to accept HSV1 and focus on other things that need my attention. I was intimate with older guy this past weekend and I told him there is always a slight chance of getting it from me. He didnt seem concerned and was willing to risk it to be with me:-/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,885
    • Total Posts
      460,907
  • Posts

    • Gems
      I've had neg swabs but I am sure you'll get it. Follow the process. I haven't read the thread in exact detail, but if you have documentation of doctors mishandling your case when you get/ if you get a poss inform them in writing as well as the medical board I think.  Under diagnosis is as problematic as false pos and reducing transmission is good.
    • MikeIke
      @WilsoInAusi wish you were right.  you can't say that with such confidence having never met me though.  I had one MD look at my sore on Sunday @ 8pm, said it was not looking herpetic but to come back in the morning.  I came back in the morning and he said it looked exactly like a cold sore/HSV1 based on the changes / "ablative look" to the skin around the lip.  The Dermatologists have never seen me with a sore until yesterday, too, and had only seen pictures.  They're used to the classic HSV2 look that shows up in Google Images. I think the swab test will be definitive - we broke open the sore and sent it off within  48 hours of appearing.  I'm also waiting for my 13 week IGG type specific HerpeSelect Immunoblot any day now using RequestATest - LabCorp.
    • Gems
      Not really wanting to call Terry.  I'll be checking the term anecdotal as I agree it may not be the best term. Maryland University seems to disagree and there was a researcher looking into random transmissions off poss objects in the eighties.

      There are two cases of torts in the USA in regards to transmission from surfaces. These require a 50% probability in causation and would be medically confirmed. I would say the reason it is less documented as people just deal with it and get on with their lives or it happens more frequently in lower socio economic groups that all just go into denial.

      I'm collecting the less than usual experiences Wilson, and not all professionals agree with Terry. These myths in my experience do not always get around with no basis.
    • Gems
      You can use the ignore button however they will still see your comments.
    • Gems
      The thread was more about antibodies any ways and I was just mostly sharing my experience of reading  those who claim a neg IgG. I am sorry I veered from that here.

      One person I have read here claim neg IgG. And years ago there were two people who also claimed neg IgG.

      It is up to each person to do their own research before they spend money on products.  
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.