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I fucked up please help me

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So I have had cold sores since I was a little kid. Today after school I went down on my girlfriend and had protected sex with her. After she left I felt a tiny bump on the corner of my lips. It is definetly herpes. Should I break up with her just because I am not responsible enough for a sexual relationship? Is is possible that she would ever forgive me? If anyone knows the rate of transmission for oral to vaginal intercourse please let me know. Any help is appreciated.

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Hi there sickboy! First off, take a deep breath and try to relax. You didn't try to intentionally harm anyone and chances are that everything will be fine. Don't go breaking up with her because you're feeling sad. I suggest you sit down with your girlfriend and tell her in a calm, easy-going manner that you have had oral herpes since you were a kid. Ask her if she has questions about it and try to answer them as best you can. Or refer her to this website to read up on facts.

You're not sure you gave her anything so don't beat yourself up. The fact that you're concerned now proves that you are a caring individual who wants to protect her from getting this in the future. Once she has this info she can make up her own mind about what she wants to do.

While I don't know the rate of transmission I can say that viral shedding occurs even when sores aren't present. However, shedding happens less and less over time. I like to tell people I date the percentage rate for how many Americans have HSV1. I then ask if they've been tested for it. Most people say no but then say they've had a physical. To which I reply, you have to ask to be tested for HSV. Doctors don't do it as part of a physical.

Keep in mind that having HSV doesn't mean your life is over. Many people, like me, have it and never have obs. My sex life and my daily life are both normal and active. So don't tell her this news like it's a death sentence because it's not. It's all about how you view it.

Good luck!

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Butterfly of the Moment

Hey there,

Ask her if she has ever had a coldsore, if she has, then you really have nothing to worry about b/c she already has antibodies that will protect her. Since you don't know yet if she now has genital herpes, I would relax (nothing else you can do about it) and ask her if she's ever had a coldsore...then let her know that you get them occasionally. Tell her you want to protect her from getting the virus. I can see that you are a caring person, you can work it out.

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As you know, the thing about oral herpes is that it comes out of nowhere and your lip will feel fine one minute and then three hours later, BAM, you got a bump. There is nothing you could have done. If it was the beginning of the bump, you may have slipped into that window of opportunity where you weren't quite contageous yet as it wasn't a blister and it hadn't popped or scabbed over. Give it a few days, relax, and if she does not have any symptoms of getting it, it would be a good idea to abstain from oral sex until after you tell her that you have had cold sores since childhood and she decides that it is still okay for you to engage in that particular activity. Butterfly is right, if your girl has had cold sores too on her mouth, she is protected from genital hsv-1. Ask first before you get too worried.

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I think u should be honest with her and let her know whats going on with u, people tend to be more understanding when ur just honest with them. I dont think u should just break up without talking first, u never know what someones reaction is going to be but u cant avoid the situation. Good luck

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I've had cold sores in my life. Not frequently or recently. Until now. I have had genital HSV-2 for 29 years. No OB's for 18. Until now.

I just started a relationship with my fiancee who has frequent OB's of cold sores. He gave me oral sex a couple months ago and I got a genital OB that lasted 5 weeks.

We had sex after the sore cleared up and I immediately got another sore. Not as bad as the first one though. Then I got a sore on my lip. A tiny one thank god.

I think he gave me genital HSV-1 when he gave me oral sex. So now I have both types.

I've been married twice for a total of 23 years and never gave the virus to them. I don't want to pass genital on to my fiancee. But he seems vunerable since his immune system is not able to fight off the oral HSV-1.

So I don't agree that since a person has had cold sores on the mouth in their life they are protected from genital HSV-1. Unless the virus my fiancee has is oral HSV-2 and when he gave me oral sex it triggered my genital HSV-2 after a nice long hibernation of 18 years!

In any case I'm afraid to have sex of any kind now. And I'm so sad and lonely and depressed.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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