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BeautifullyBroken

dating in college

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BeautifullyBroken

so i am a freshman college student and new to the whole college life thing. i also don't know for sure if i have herpes but it is sure looking like it. it seems to me that everyone is really ignorant about herpes in college even though i'm sure that many of these cruel people have it and don't even know. it seems like all guys come to college and espect to have all kinds of crazy sex. especially since im in a sorority i see a lot of guys always trying to get into my pants and i just feel like shit beccause i can't be honest with these people because i'm certain they wouldn't understand. are there any other college students out there with advice on dating in college with herpes? i don't want my whole life to change because of this. i'm trying to have the best time of my life and i'm having a hard time being optimistic. HELP PLEASE!

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chooseyourbattles

Yes! I got herpes from being wild in college. I vacationed in New York City and I hang out with some pretty wild people from DC, but I got the herp from having sex with people in the dorms at my college, which is an unknown school in the middle of nowhere.

I was a senior when I found out about it, though, which means I had a good deal of time for the carefree hooking up and a little bit of experience dating in the adult world as well. I am extraordinarily grateful for that.

You probably think that you're starting out at a great disadvantage. You're in a sorority, so I imagine that there is a tremendous amount of drunken carousing at the parties you are siphoned into by frat boys. And all of you know each other and are expected to have the allotted number of sexual encounters with each other before you get out of there. And the gossip spreads faster than microbes.

It sucks, and I'm sorry.

But I was talking with a friend about this today: WHY is it that when people have one-night-stands that they later regret, under the influence of booze, competition, and revenge, they feel that those notches on their posts are still an accomplishment? How is it cool to make a stupid mistake? If someone does something ridiculous in their professional lives, they feel like and are seen as a liability to themselves and others, but with sex they are seen as "experimenting?" Shouldn't a certain level of healthy conduct be expected of us in our private lives too?

You, BeautifullyBroken, and I too, are now held to a higher standard of ethics than most kids our age. And that means that we are afforded far fewer mistakes.

You won't be at a loss for sexual partners. Most of mine are perfectly fine with what I have, and I date people my own age and a little younger. But it does mean I have to be more particular about my partners and more calculating about which circumstances are best for "the talk". It leaves me with a more educated circle of partners, whom I am more comfortable with and who are equally so with me. And won't you feel better, looking back and knowing you've had a sex life you can be proud of?

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Butterfly of the Moment

You can have fun and still makeout if you want to, but don't let some frat pressure you into anything. Also remember you can still get oral herpes if you do get into that. In fact, if you are in such a social organization where everyone knows everyone, I'm thinking maybe you should avoid getting intimate with someone in greek life. I guess random hookups are a thing of the past if you plan on telling them about GH..in college I had a ton of fun too and I avoided getting GH...but I got it on vacation abroad 4 months ago. Not cool. I honestly may have had a lot of fun but I wouldn't say I regret my little "sexual revolution" but if I had to go back I'd probably have cut back on the booze eliminating the casual sex, and I'd have gotten to know men on a deeper level and actually dated more. Have fun and don't tell anyone if they won't respect you as a woman and be worthy of your trust.

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CR25

Dang hun Im sorry you have to deal with this as a freshman. I think Chooseyourbattles and butterfly had some very good insight for you. Perhaps my only thing to add would be to just keep in mind that those guys are real shitty in bed, sloppy drunk sex never floated my boat, and it's impossible for us ladies to orgasm from that anyway.

If you feel out of place / pressured with the whole sorority-frat thing, maybe try something else? College is a good time to learn about who youare and what makes you happy. Spend time doing what YOU like and take advantage of all the awesome programs and opportunities. Learn an instrument or two, or languages. Eventually, you will meet some great guys that have substance, and then you will know it's cool to divulge.

Even though im outa college and 25, I completely understand what you're going through. Im a musician and in the music scene, and the guys that i like always seem to act like they are still in college...they are crew and they do everything together. I really had feelings for this one guy who has a production company, but he made it clear early on that all he was interested in was sex, so i was forced to retreat. But it the end, it prolly preserved our relationship; otherwise he prolly woulda just fuckd me and then act mad weird around me. So it sometimes is a blessing in disguise.

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goodmorning

I found out about my herpes during senior year, too. I didn't have a wild sex life beforehand, since I've been a serial monogamist since I was 14. However, when my ex and I had broken up, I thought that I should keep things casual. I got herpes out of that experience, not to rag on anyone who practices casual dating and sex. but it made me realize what I wanted and that I felt most comfortable with relationships, anyway. Knowing that, I was a lot more shrewd of all the guys who approached me during my senior year. Before I generally liked anyone who liked me...haha..standards...

I've had two college-aged guys accept my status, my ex-boyfriend who is 22, and my current boyfriend who is 24. And my ex-boyfriend had been typically terrified of STDs. Of course, the first one was an art student, and the second is a music student... I don't know how the social climate is in a "regular" university.

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teenie12

damnn thats awful, i just graduated college and a word of advice is keep your partners to a small number anyways lol, my roommate was a big hoe, love her, but not the brightest crayon in thebox,and i went to a biggggggggggg university(over 60000), and when people know your name in a ****ty context thats just not okay. So if you think about it, it sucks, but at least you wont get a bad reputation (i know its an awful way of looking at it, but you have to try and look for the positive with this shit)

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