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I contracted genital herpes from my ex-husband who got it from his

ex-girlfriend. He chose not to tell me and I found out after discovering he had continued to see her while we were dating, up until the date we married and then he waited 2 weeks into our marriage to start seeing her again. I went to my doctor to get tested for STD's and thats how I found out.

Since then I have had a 3 year relationship and I was very upfront with him and he is still herpes free. With the end of that relationship I find that old insecurity coming back, the fear of having to tell another person my secret.

I feel branded and everytime I have an outbreak the anger toward my ex-husband is overwhelming. I am not looking to enter into an intimate relationship right now but have date a little and I find that no matter how much I am enjoying someone's company there is this little voice inside my head saying, if this leads anywhere what will he think when I tell him about my little curse? :???:

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As long as you see it as a "curse" you will have problems

Hi, since you feel this as a curse then no wonder you are suffering about telling someone. You already had a relationship with someone non h and it was not a problem for them, why can't you believe your next relationship won't be the same?

For the most part this is a harmless little virus. You give it more strength by calling it a curse.

I have had many relationships with non h women and it was never a problem.

Good luck!


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I agree with you that we should not view this as a curse. I'm sure not one of us on this website woke up one morning and said "Hey I think I'll go sleep with someone who has herpes". Many people don't know they have it and keep spreading it. I can respect myself because I have told any potential partners about it (and not ONE of them had a problem with it because I was able to tell them the facts and we practiced safe sex). We need to realize that this is not the awful thing that everyone perceives it to be. It does not define us or who we are.

The only advice I can give (and I have had herpes for 23 years) is that if you tell someone you're considering dating about it, their reaction is a good gauge of the caliber of their character. If it completely freaks someone out and they can't deal with it, what would they be like if you had a SERIOUS disease? Their reaction tells a lot. Be happy and live your life. This is a skin disease. Good luck to you and I'm here if anyone wants to talk.


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Hey Sport,

You really do need to change your mindset. It is NOT the end of the world and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, consider yourself lucky. I'm not making light of it by any means, but things can always be worse. When the time comes for you to tell him, just be very matter of fact and make sure you have facts to show your potential partner.

My last boyfriend (of 2+ years) was wonderful when I told him. He said to me "Honey, I'm not worried about herpes, I'm worried about losing what could be the best thing that ever happened to me...YOU". We used condoms and he's herpes-free. We recently broke up (NOT because of that) and I have met someone else who I had "the talk" with and he did not bat an eye because I told him everything about it. We haven't slept together, yet, but if we do, I know we'll be safe and do what we can do keep him h-free.

Sometimes people who have it will be tempted to NOT tell a potential partner...NEVER A GOOD IDEA! We owe it to them to give them the choice and in some states, it's illegal to not tell. Best wishes to you and if you ever want to chat, I'm here.

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